This & That

Did This:

We are starting an organic vegetable and herb garden in the back of our house! So, on Sunday we went and got the supplies for our raised garden and Andrew got one set up. I have my seeds and they are sowed in and ready for germination. And I have been doing a whole lot of reading reading and more reading. Gosh, there sure is a whole ton of information out there to learn.

Read that:

 How to make my own compost bin.--> and  How to start an organic garden--->

Wrote this:

A lot of topics were bounced off my brain this week. I felt like I needed to do a "catch up" with my scheduled posts because I had used so many and had not truly "written" anything in over a week. So, I knocked out about 6 posts in one night. And by "about." I actually mean I did. It felt good. I get a little panicky when my "schedule posts" run under 25. Silly, I know.

So what did I write about?

Graham's 4 months. Nursing related questions answered. Day in the Life. Remembering Childhood. And a few other little things.

Instagrammed that:

Loving this:

My Keen shoes. Seriously, I know this may be silly but I SMILE when I look down at my feet at work. Have you heard of Keen? I had never. Then they were on sale at Zulily one day and I immediately purchased them {because they looked cute}. And they were even cuter in person. Not to mention how comfortable they are. So yeah, I'm loving them.

My sweet little man has been just an absolute angel. He makes me smile real big.

And my daughter... I look at her and I can almost cry every time. She completes my world....

The center of that world being my husband.

Okay, enough mush for a Friday!

Happy Friday!

Snapped That:

***

Don't forget about "What my loved one says about me" link up on Tuesday! Get your posts ready!

I'm A Nurse

"A Nurse." What does it mean when we say that.

"I'm a nurse."

A nurse. One where her shift is described as 7pm-730am under job title. However, it is one that doesn't gaurantee a "clock out" time. One where more time required is a practical thing. Hours extended are no surprise. It's just not your 9-5 gig.

A nurse that walks into a room and is hearing the story that your mom, dad, brother, sister, daughter, or son, may be telling her. Sometimes spoken through the mouth. Sometimes through their eyes.

A nurse that is expected to notice when a patient goes from bad to worse. Where minutes are crucial. Seconds are essential. And skills and intervention are immediate.

A nurse that may step into a room and not come out for 12 hours. Never skipping a beat. Working hard to do everything that we possibly can. Even forgetting to meet our own personal needs.

A nurse that brings everyone together; doctors, respiratory therapists, and family to come up with a plan. A solution. A way to get you home. Whether that be physically or spiritually.

A nurse that puts feelings and judgments aside in order to help provide the best care possible in all areas and situations. Even when it involves a murderer or child molester.

A nurse that will send you home after you've been by your husband's side for 3+ months.One that will tell you that you need a shower, you need a break, and you need some rest.

A nurse that will not only cry with you, but laugh with you. Hold your hand. Comfort you.

A nurse that will stand in front of your family members arguing while your brother is fighting for his life. Not the time. Not the place. A nurse that isn't afraid to be the bad guy.

A nurse that advocates for her patients. Tells the doctor he will not leave this room while your mom has a heart rate in the 180s, breathing in the 40's, and in need of life support. Demanding action right away, even when it's "time to go home."

A nurse that cuts your teenage daughter's hair, and makes handprints of her delicate hands so that you may have something to cherish after she passes.

A nurse that holds the alcoholic's hand. The one that has been abandoned by his family and friends. No one there as he takes his last breath. Everyone needs someone by their side as they leave this world. Everyone.

A nurse that while your family member is kicking, scratching, and spitting due to their delirium, is still fighting to keep them alive.

A nurse that has to leave her kids and husband at home on Christmas so that your family member is taken care of while you eat Christmas dinner.

A nurse that goes home and squeezes her family extra tight, realizing how precious life is. And to never take our loved ones for granted.

A nurse. A name that has so many meanings. So many titles. So many expectations, roles, and duties.

What does "a nurse" mean to you?

I can tell you this. With 100% gaurantee. At some point, a nurse will touch your life or the life of a loved one. You may not be there to see it. You may not hear about it. You may not know all the details. But I'm telling you this, because of a nurse a life will be saved.

I see it all around me. Nurses that save lives time and time again. Nurses that fight for their patients every second of their shift. Nurses that advocate and don't give up.

Those "nurses" ... they aren't incompetent, worthless, or just there to wipe your loved ones bottom, clean the snot out of their nose, and fluff their pillow every two hours. Oh yes, we do that as well. They aren't there just to do that. Although some people have that notion that that's what nurses actually do. Those nurses... those nurses are the reason your loved one is alive or will be alive in the future.

And if your loved one passes, those nurses are the ones that hold their hand one last time.

To me, every nurse is a hero. I won't sit here and say that every nurse is the best at what they do. That every nurse loves what he/she does. That every nurse is as compassionate and caring as the next.

It's not possible to find the perfect nurse. One that everyone expects out of this person as soon as they walk into the room. One that will answer the call light as fast as you'd like. One that will have the textbook answer that you are looking for. Or one that will always know right away what to do.

But trust me when I say this, every nurse at some point in her/his career will save a life based on a decision that they made.  And when you think about it that way... ask yourself... what if that life was yours or your loved one?

Know a nurse? Tell him or her THANK YOU for what he or she does.
-----

***Don't forget about this link up next Tuesday

Q&A: When Did We Know We Were Ready for #2

Another question from my "Ask Me Anything Post"... another one that has turned into a POST POST instead of just an answer. Remember, I said I like to talk a lot.

Point made.

To begin with, I cannot believe that I never touched surface on this topic a long time ago. To me, it seems natural to answer something so simple. I think I went into details about how we felt ready via a "chart" that I had made over a year ago, but we did not end up feeling "ready ready" until a few months after that.

What changed? What was the deciding factor for our family to want to expand? What made use wake up one day and say.... lets do it {literally}.

Well, it is as simple as that last statement.

You see, when you have your first baby, that baby of yours is your life. Everything revolves around this little creature that you have created and you have developed this routine that, in your eyes, seems too perfect to mess with. On top of that, the love that you feel for this child is so out of this world that no amount of words could ever describe such a connection that you feel. The words your "heart" living outside of your body couldn't be more true. So, the thought of bringing another baby into the picture? Just completely blows your mind.

You don't want to disrupt this good thing. You don't want to share the love that you have for your first. You just don't want to.

But then, one day you wake up and decide... but I do.

But I do want to relive those newborn snuggles, those newborn cries, the first milestones, from smiling to crawling to walking. Even, hold me, the sass. To add another face to the family pictures. Another set of toes to kiss at night. And most of all, to watch your first, this person that at this point is at the top of your world, one day fall in love with their little sibling and have a "friend" to grow up. Someone that they can go to, confide in, and talk about their "mean" parents with when they get grounded.

You know what exapanding your family is? It is simply expanding your love. Enriching it further. And giving your children a gift that holds the greatest value.

A family.

You wake up one day and you just realize that you are ready. You cannot pinpoint what happened, why TODAY felt like the day. You didn't become richer, wiser, or more organized. But it just came over you. Flooded you with emotions. And made you want to jump on your husband as quick as possible. You were ready. I was ready.

There really aren't words to describe it. Kind of like when people try to describe what "the one" feels like. When it happens... you'll just know.

And one day, I woke up... and just knew. It was around the time Elliana was about 17 months old. I pictured her 10 months from then... will she be ready? Will I be ready? And although I did not have the answer to this, no magic 8 ball to envision the future, I just felt like the answer was yes.

And so here we are, a family of 4. Will we be a family of 5 one day? I hope so. Am I ready now? No. Will I know when I'll be ready? No. But do I feel confident that things will fall in place as they should? Yes.

You know, you...... just know.

Elliana Letter: There Are Plenty Of Fish in the Sea-- The Wisest Thing My Mother Ever Told me

Dear Elliana,

You're probably wondering why I made you turn to this page of the book. Why mama is writing to you and why there is a picture of you as a two year old. Yes, it's exactly what you think it means baby. I'm writing this letter long long before you ever knew what a boyfriend was. What love meant. And what heartache felt like. I'm writing this to you, during a time when you felt nothing but love. During a time where twirling around in the living room was your idea of fun. A time where the key to your heart was in the form of a bunny animal cracker and a chocolate chip. A time where your arms only wanted, and needed to be held, kissed, and praised. And your biggest fans, your biggest admirers, and your true loves were, and still are, being your mama and papa. And that was all you ever needed. In that time.

I know that now in your life, you may yearn for more.

And so I decided to write to you, in 2012, as you, a blonde haired, blue eyed, 2 year old lay in bed next to me, all 28 pounds of you, curled up in the most perfect ball with the most perfect smell, knowing that you would need this from me one day. Because I want to tell you I know what you are going through. That it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to not be able to picture your world ever being the same.

It's okay. It's normal. And I know how you feel.

Baby, as hard as this time may seem to be, right now. As much as you may not want to believe it, at this very moment. Trust me when I say this... there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Smile for me baby. Right now. Show me that smile. Wipe away those tears, and lift your head up.

Now listen to me carefully. Because I want to talk to you now while I'm young, while my memory is fresh, and during a time that I may understand better than say 15 years from now. So, with that being said, why don't we talk about those "fishes" in the sea.

Fish #1.

You're going to laugh when I tell you this story. Of your mother, who at the age of 13, thought she "fell in love" with her one and only prince charming. You're going to giggle and probably poke fun of me, but that's okay. Because the sole intention of this letter is to do just that. Put that beautiful smile back on your face.

You see. It was straight from a movie {except the age part}. A girl on the beach. A boy on the beach. Both awkward. Both scrawny. Both oh-to-young to ever know what love is. The boy... he goes up to the girl. The girl, shyly giggles. They lie about their age. They act way cooler than they truly are. And they are smitten. Oh so smitten. They hold hands. They listen to "Nelly" {oh sweetheart I know I'm aging myself here}, and she does everything possible to make him laugh. And vice versa. And she knew it. Right there and then. He is the one. She carves their initials in the closet of the condo {that they didn't own.... don't ever do that}, and writes in the journal... "...I met my husband, signed Becky." When they get home from vacation she jumps on her mom's bed {that would be you grandmother} and she tells her those 5 words a parent never wants to hear at that age "I'm going to marry him." Your grandmother though... she's no fool. She just stroked my hair, gave me that hollywood smile of hers, and said "sure you are honey." You know what else she said...

"There's more fish in the sea." Except in the Russian form.

So fish number one? We talked for a couple years, and yes he did indeed break my little teenage heart. I cried many many tears over him swearing that I would never find love again. "No mom, you just don't understand." And then, I was soon distracted by... fish #2.

Fish #2 was my first "real" boyfriend. He went to a different school than me. A private school, ahem. He was also a year younger. Ahem. So naturally? It didn't work out. But I mention him because... your mama {me}... well she must have watched The Notebook one too many times... because again, she found herself in a scene from a movie. A box full of his stuff. Standing in front of his house. Pouring down rain. And saying something around the lines of.... "We could have been something special."

Please tell me that made you laugh as it did me. Please promise to never say such foolish things at such a young age. Please.

And then there was fish #3. Fish number three was what one would call... the summer fling. The fling after high school and right before college. Where you think you're so old and so mature. Where I thought surely by now I knew what love was. Well, obviously by my words "the summer fling" you have probably figured out that that means it didn't work out for long. And you, my lady, are very smart. Because it didn't. And unlike the other two fishes that broke my heart because it just didn't quite work out... this one did because well... he found another fish. Ahem. Your mama was a smart cookie, and the minute her gut said go, she went.  Doesn't mean I didn't cry some big fat ugly tears over him. Doesn't mean I even contemplated for a second hearing him out {don't do that either}. Doesn't mean that I didn't go off to college with the mindset of... no more boys for me.

Because, in fact, I did just that. That last fish changed me. It made me believe that I was chasing love. That I wanted that fairytale and prince charming, and I was most definitely looking in all the wrong places. That should have been the big warning there. I was looking.

You should never look baby. It will come to you. As it did me.

Fish #4. My final fish. The one that came to me. The one that had to win me over. The one that did have that true out of the hollywood movie scene love story right before my eyes. Your father. Although, I will save this for a later letter in time {as I have another novel to write about our love story with you}, but let me just say this.... your father loved me, and showed me what true love was in all the right ways. He perfected the term and loved me harder than I ever thought possible... harder than at times I thought I ever deserved. Pure, straight from the heart kind of love. A love that no amount of words could ever describe.

And like your grandmother told me... and still likes to say to me...

"That Andrew.... he's one in a million kind of fish in the sea."

And you, my dear, will find yours one day. Don't go searching. Don't go chasing this fairytale. This movie scene kind of love. Because I promise you this, when you do find your fish, even if it may take longer, even if it requires patience and trust, just know this... You will instantly realize what true love is truly all about.

Are you smiling yet? I hope so. Now go kiss your papa and tell him thank you for marrying your mama. And then come kiss your mama and give her some warm hugs. She probably feels like she doesn't get them as much as she'd like.

I bet she'll even let you poke fun about all those fishes in the sea.

I love you baby girl. We don't ever want to see tears fall down your face.

Love,
Your 26 year old Mama, That Found Her One Fish in a Deep Sea