Time stamped: January 28th, 2012, 03:29 A.M.
Dear Elliana,
I've tossed and turned in my sleep for the past hour. Thinking about you.
I read something tonight. Something sad. About a mom that passed away so young, leaving behind her 4 young children.And it made me cry. I'm not sure why this story, tonight, now, has affected me so much as I am surrounded by loss day in and day out at work. But it has. And it has made me think about how precious and wonderful this life has been with you in it.
How blessed and thankful I am to be your mother. To live this life. To take care of you. To laugh with you. Make memories with you. Capture those memories. Enjoy those moments. To see you grow. To see you learn. See you wake up every morning with the absolute most beautiful smile on your face. And how with every day that I spend with you, I pray to God "for just one more."
I hope there never comes a day that you have to look back on these letters to read how much I love you. I hope it isn't until you are 80 years old. Because I hope to be around that long to tell you every day just how much I truly do, love you.
I never knew a love like this could exist. I dreamt about a love like this. But I just never really knew how strong it was until you were placed into my arms. Here you were this precious innocent child, and I was now your mother. And forever your mother I will be.
I take for granted the days we have together.
I want to LIVE more with you. I want to enjoy life to the FULLEST with you. I want to give you everything my baby. Every part of life, every part of me, every part of us {your papa and me}, every part of what you deserve.
I want to make you a promise tonight. That I will be the best that I can be. I may not know it all. I may struggle from time to time. I may not be the storybook perfect mom....
But Elliana, I promise you this, I love you more than you will ever know... and I will live each and every day showing you just how much.
Love,
Mama.
