When You Have A Child....

When you have a child, the beginning of your story unravels,
and a previous chapter in your life closes. 

When you have a child, it's no longer about you,
your dreams, your needs, or your interests. 

When you have a child, your priorities change.
You think differently. You plan. Prioritize. And focus on the important things in life.


When you have a child, you can't possibly imagine your world without them.
A day without watching them laugh. Watching them learn. Watch them discover life. Their smiles and their laughs. And their tender moments of affection.

When you have a child, that child is yours. And you are theirs. 
And the two of you belong together.

So when I hear about a mom or dad that walk out on their child... I'm left wondering...
Why....                          How...

And surely this can't be.

Source: Uploaded by user via Sarah on Pinterest

Because to me. A child is it. IT. You can't put into words what a child does to a parent. A mother. You can't put into words the love that is so strong that the saying your heart might burst out of your chest really means just that...

From love. The emotions. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to just hold your child every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And never let go.

But some do. Literally. Walk Away. Or they are placed in situations where they child is taken away, maybe because of another parent, maybe the state. Maybe because they are "tired" of this new life. Maybe they meet someone new. Maybe, they didn't know how to love you. Whatever the reason, they walk away.

 Just like that.

And their life moves on.

Source: Uploaded by user via Sarah on Pinterest

How I ask.
How does one live every day without their child.

How do they breath.

How do they live with themselves.
Knowing.
Somewhere out there a piece of them is walking, talking, breathing, growing.

And they miss it all.

I know because my own biological father let my mother take me and my brother to move to the United States, and he did it by signing the papers in exchange for some money from my mom.

And although it has never, and I repeat never affected me in any shape or form {I'm one of the lucky few}, I have to sit and ask this question again.

How is that possible?

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Now that I am a mother. Now that I know what it is like to love someone with every ounce of your body and soul. Now that I know.... I'm left wondering. Questioning. Confused.

Although that child may live without you.
Although that child may find a life full of happiness.
Although that child may not spend a single day of their life thinking about you...

I know because I am that child.

But as a parent. I ask.....

How do you live without your child, knowing, they are somewhere out there.
How do you find happiness in your life knowing a part of you is missing.
How can you possibly not spend every day of your life thinking about them... contacting them... fighting for that relationship.


How?
This.
I will never understand.