The other day, while E was playing with her little friend, my girl friend and I {and G sleeping soundly in the carrier} were talking, as we normally do. She said something that resonated with me.
We were talking about playhouses.
She wanted to get one for her little girl. Actually, she wants to have her husband build one for her. I watched her face as she lit up just talking about it. It would have a kitchen, and a living room, and little chair with ottoman. I envisioned it while she was talking. And then she said something that got me thinking....
"I always wanted one as a child, and my parents never got it for me."
Wow, I said to her. And you remembered that to this day. That has to mean something, right?
That 20+ years later, this stuck with her. Stuck with her so much that not only did it bring a little resentment back, but it made her want to do it for her daughter. Give her more. Give her what she didn't have.
I agreed. This was me.
Being a mom that I wish I had? No. No no no. Not what I mean.
Giving my children more than I had? Yes, in a way. Hard to put into words without sounding as though I want to spoil my children or raise them to be rotten, ungrateful human beings. Or to say that I am not thankful for what I did have as a child.
It's not what I mean at all.
But I get it. I knew exactly what she was saying when she was saying it and how she was saying it. I knew what she meant. And you really don't get it until you have these little children that you have created and you realize how much better you want to be.
I remember my mom saying something similar to me as I was growing up. I remember her telling me that she hopes that my children work even harder than I had. That children are supposed to strive to be better than their parents.
Not because they were never good enough. Not because they never gave enough. Or loved enough.
But because as people, we should always want to be better. In all that we do.
Including, being a mother.
I agree! :)
ReplyDeleteStrong words! I totally agree. I want to do more for my future children and hopefully pass on the motivation to them. Its exciting to think about :)
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I would always tell my mom, "I hope I am as good of a mother as you are," and she would always respond without missing a beat, "I hope you're better!" Totally get what you're saying. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! There are many things I want to do better as a mother.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, we had very little. And now that I have a child, I want to give him more than what I had as a child. Not necessarily more THINGS, but more love, support, time, etc. Things that my parents never gave me. We should always strive to give more of ourselves to our kids. And I don't mean spoiling them with worldy things, but teaching them to be better people because there are a lot of unkind people in the world. :)
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking today after I got Chase a new little table how much he loves it and how much joy it brings making him so happy. That the reason we have so many toys and stuff is because the littlest $1 pinwheel is something he gets excited about for days. So what if he is spoiled! He's 2. He will learn the value of money soon.
ReplyDeleteLove this! I want my little Grace to be so much Better than me, not because she's a bad person or anything. But because she wants to be like her mommy but more! We want the world for our little ones'
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. I am now 38.5 weeks pregnant and I catch myself thinking this all the time and then feeling bad because, really, my childhood was great. But that's a great way to put it into perspective. We will always strive for better.
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