I thought about telling you how one of the things I am most terrible about is getting back to people. That I hate to let people down, say no, and then as a result end up not following through with promises or commitments, so therefore my solution is just not to respond at all. Or do you want to hear about how, no matter how hard I try, I cannot for the life of me stick to a "weight loss plan." That the minute you place a sweet in front of me, throw a pitch in at work, or buy me something and say "here," that I just cannot find it within me to walk away. Or how about the fact that I have a shopping problem, a deal obsession, and as a result I am saving money only to spend money. I do still save, I promise. I could probably just save more.
And then I thought about how what I really want to tell you about is something that is a personal struggle within myself, and something that I have been constantly working on. A work in progress. A battle that I am determined to win.
Forgiveness.
It is much more than just forgetting about something in the moment. I'm good at that you know. Forgetting in the moment. It's easy to make me laugh, it's easy to get my mind off things, and it's easy for me to "forget" in a sense, just for a moment. And then I remember that I'm supposed to be mad or upset about something, and then I just dwell on it some more. I can blow little things out of proporation. Things that should not bother me do. Things that people say that should not affect me, do. Experiences that should be positive and happy suddenly change because of one little thing that happens.
So when I sit in my state of grumpiness, I begin to think about how absurd all of this is. How ridiculous my emotions are. How this is a quality that I need to work on. One that it is not a flaw of someone else, rather one of my own.
What exactly should I forgive? The fact that people are not perfect. The fact that things will not always go my way. The fact that others, especially those that love me the most, may not always know what I am thinking or what I am expecting. And that is okay.My problem though? I am quick to write things and people off. Just like that. And I can hold a grudge. I can hold a grudge like it's my job. And if it was my job, then I'd be pretty darn good at it.
What do I need to do about this? Learn to let things go. How to not let the little things in life bother me. That life will not always be perfect, people will not always be perfect, and situations and experiences may not always be perfect. I have to learn how to be more patient and understanding. That I cannot set the bar too high and I cannot expect things out of others without letting them before hand.
Forgiveness.
I need to really embrace this word for all it is worth. Truly put words into action. Forgive moments and people worth forgiving. Over the little things. Learn to smile through the mishaps in life. Learn to better cope when things don't go my way. Learn how to find positive solutions out of the negative. And learn how to easily forgive these imperfections in life.
After all, that's the beauty of life isn't it? The imperfections. It's what makes us better and wiser.
So here is to starting a new day and reminding myself of this personal goal, personal weakness, for me to work on.
Next week: If I were to win the lottery....
You're preaching to the choir, friend. I have the same problem, one that came through tonight after my fiance returned from a 10 day trip away. I make things into problems when they shouldn't be, often just because I'm hurt or lonely or jealous. Thank GOD for the Lord, He keeps me sane on days I act like a crazy.
ReplyDeleteAmen! This is so true; thank you for sharing, Becky! (:
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of something about forgiving and forgetting I read yesterday. It was in a book called The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Steadman and it stood out to me so much I had to write it down.
ReplyDelete"But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?" she asked him. "You've had so much strife but you're always happy. How do you do it?"
"I choose to." he said. "I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, like my father did, or I can forgive and forget."
"But it's not that easy."
He smiled that Frank smile. "Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things." He laughed, "I would have to make a list, a very, very long list and make sure I hated the people on it the right amount. That I did a very proper job of hating, too: very Teutonic! No" -his voice became sober- "we always have a choice. All of us."
This is a wonderful post...I struggle with this same thing!!! I found a quote on pinterest that kind of all brought it into perspective "Forgive others...not because they deserve forgiveness...but because you deserve peace." I've tried to remember that when I get worked up and its helped...a little;)
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ReplyDeleteI totally struggle with this as well, both forgiving others and forgiving myself.
ReplyDeleteI, too, like everybody else struggle with this a lot. I may say I forgive someone but deep down, I really don't mean it or I don't know if I can actually forgive them. Maybe it is I can forgive them but I can't forget. Great post! I started joining you with this link up ;-). Can't wait to see many more of your posts. Going to go follow you now!
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