There won't be tears today.

Almost two years ago, I sat at this same computer and while tears ran down my face, I opened up about my fears of going back to work. Leaving my newborn baby at home. Missing out on crucial milestones. The feeling of abandoning her. No matter what anyone said, no matter how much they comforted me, none of it mattered.

I was ill over it. And tears? There were many.

I knew that when my husband finished graduate school just a few short months later that I would have to face the fact that our next option was daycare.

Although I completely understand daycare is an option many moms have no choice over, and often times it is what is best for everyone...In our case though, for our family, it was not something we wanted to consider. I grew up as a young woman that felt this strong urge to become a mother one day. Knowing that I was meant for this, that this would be my number one responsibility, and that I certainly wanted to do all that I can to not miss a single moment possible.

My babies are only young once. They grow up too fast. And time is definitely not on our hands.

I remember that day like it was just yesterday. Walking into the director's office and requesting to switch to night shift at the hospital. The deep breath I took as I walked out the door. The smile across my face as I texted my husband... "It's official."

And just like that day two years ago, I still beam with excitement and gratitude that I have a job that allows me the opportunity to not miss a single moment, a single laugh, their growth and development, the milestones down the road, and the memories that we create within our home.

I.Have.That.Opportunity.

There won't be tears today. There won't be fear. There won't be any regrets. There will be lack of sleep {yes}. Changes in schedule? Yes. Adjustments to be made? Absolutely. But, I am actually, kind of, sort of, really excited to see some lovely faces that I have missed.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow we will run on little sleep, but *hopefully lots of love, patience, listening, and fun. I am hopeful we will adjust well as we did when Elliana was a baby.

And  one day, my precious children will understand what mama did for them. And when they ask me why? I'll simply smile and say... because of you. 

So tears? There won't be any today.
Today, I am thankful to have this job and the ability to still fulfill my motherhood dreams.