Tuesday, February 4, 2014
25 Ways You Know You Are a Mom
Just a little mom humor. None of these are to be taken too seriously or thought of too in depth, as I'm sure every single one doesn't apply to every mom out there. However, if I were a betting woman...I'd put my money on the fact that every mom will nod her head to at least one of these "truths."
2. Someone that has only been in this world for approximately 20 months will throw themselves on the ground, hit their legs up and down on the floor, and scream at the top of their lungs. For a good 5 minutes. All because you decided to cut the banana instead of giving it to them whole.
3. You're guilty of abusing the 100 kisses per day rule, and you violate space like a hungry animal----nibble on toes, pinch cheeks and thighs, and squeeze your child to the point that they may pop.
4. Your children have more choices in attire than you do. Gone are the days of going on "shopping sprees." Unless, you mean for groceries.
5. And therefore, when you get birthday money, you still end up spending it on your kids.
6. You realize that you failed to attend the mommy language class: BF, ERF, EVB, BLW, CD, LO, BW, A-VAX, CS. You definitely googled at least one of these before realizing what they meant
7. You find yourself crying in the parking lot all because a stranger complimented on how well of a job you are doing. Happy tears. Words you needed to hear at that exact moment of time.
8. Google is today's doctor. Or as I like to say... the next best thing to an ER " triage ." Might I add, much cheaper as well.
9. You've seen the message "iphone storage full, cannot take pictures" on more than one occasion. So you scroll through your album of 5,000 images to decide which pictures out of the 100 you took yesterday to delete. All of which consisted of your baby eating their first baby food. But then the dilemma----how do you choose?! They all look the same by the way.
10. You've said "I would never.... Fill in the blank" and was guilty as charged. Probably more often than we care to admit.
11. You legitimately wanted to hurt a kid that was mean to your kid. And then you realized how crazy that sounded.
12. You stare at pictures of your kids after you put them down for a nap.
13. You understand when I say that multiple kids napping at the SAME TIME requires a little happy dance. But remember... this is how naps go---they sleep long when you need to be somewhere, and short when you need the time to finish something. Always.
14. Laundry is considered done after it's been in the dryer. No one said anything about folding.
15. You learned how to become a mastermind in shower taking and dinner making. All which should be easy tasks, yet required planning prior to in order to keep the kids attention.
16. Leaving the house now takes you triple the amount of time. And keep adding time with each kid that you add on.
17. You find yourself giving this advice to new moms: follow your mommy instinct, oh and never post car seat pictures. I mean....
18. You forget when your kids aren't in the car and still jam to the itsy bitsy spider, including doing the hand motions at the stop light. That is until you pull up next to a bunch of teenagers laughing at you.
19. Which speaking of car, it's amazing how your preference quickly changes to what will make your life easier versus what looks better.
20. You experience deja vu every time you clean the playroom. " I swear I just did this...."
21. Graduating high school, college, receiving your first job ffer or anything else that you found exciting prior to children won't even come close to how stupidly excited you will get over your child laughing for the first time. Rolling over for the first time. And even, I hate to say this, but go in the potty for the first time.
22. You make 3 meals a day and 2-3 snacks prepared for the toddlers, yet you're lucky to eat one "real" meal for yourself. No worries, you make up for it in the form of ice cream and chocolate chips. All of which you have to sneakily scarf down so that crazy toddler doesn't catch sight of what you are eating. (Remember the meltdown over a banana.... Can you imagine then...)
23. Never did you think going to the restroom would bring so many tears from such a small little body. One minute folks, one minute. The horror.
24. You get excited to do something as simple as grocery shop on your own. You may even take a selfie to document it.
25. When you realize that good parenting not only encompasses compassion, love, understanding, patience, teaching, and growth--- but also the beauty in discovering the art of bribery, breaking all the "rules" from time to time, and finding the advantages of technology-- thank you TV, iPads, iPhones, and computers. Clearly discovered just for moms.