If I found out I was 4 months pregnant....

I wouldn't hate it.
I wouldn't be sad.
I wouldn't have fear.
I wouldn't wish I wasn't.
I wouldn't wonder how we would make it work.
What others would think.
When I would sleep.
How to manage my time.
Or if I had enough love of my heart.

I would just be... excited.

Those were the thoughts that came into my head this morning as I was driving into a meeting for work. I actually {out of no where} said to myself, I would be thrilled if say in a couple of months I noticed there was this baby bump that didn't used to be there and went in to find out I was 6 months pregnant. Selfishly, the reason I say 6 months is because that would mean that I would be toward the end of my pregnancy. But in reality, I would just be... excited. Not because I was pregnant, but because there would be a baby at the end of pregnancy.

It's strange for me to say all this. In fact, I don't even know where I am heading with this. I haven't written a spontaneous blog post in a while, and for me to write it on this topic {not exactly even sure what the exact topic is}, leaves me a little puzzled. Am I writing this for myself or for others. Am I writing so that others may relate, chime in, or give me their honest advice? I'm not sure. I'm not sure why I'm writing it, but I just know that I had this sudden urge to write.

So here I am, talking about this idea of having another child.

All while my third is merely 3 4 months old----yes, I just accidentally wrote 3, that's how fast time is going by. Not to mention, the fact that my husband believes that we are 90% done with having children. I say 90% because I know him well enough to know there is a tiny bitty ounce of possibility left in him. Maybe because Polina has been a dream baby and it really hasn't felt any different with her around. Or maybe because he actually loves having babies as much as I do.

I think a little bit of both.

When I think about the reasons that we have talked about being "done" having children, they have always seemed to be for the wrong reasons.

Money.
Room.
Lack of sleep.
Less "me" time.
Guilt of family members watching the kids.
Guilt over family members buying gifts for our children.
Guilt over sharing our time with them.

They're all silly. Each and every one of them.

Do we think we have enough love in our hearts for more children? Absolutely. I think I could have ten more children if the first 2 "reasons" were excelling in our lives {room and money}, but that is completely beside the point {as I definitely am not having 10 children}. There is nothing about sharing your love, hearts, and time with your children that is challenging, you simply grow to love each of them individually for who they are. Having a child is a gift. A gift of meeting someone new, learning about them, watching them grow, and build this amazing relationship with them. A gift that you just want to keep on giving, because you know how wonderful the feeling is.

That's what having children feels like to me. I have never loved anything more in my life than being a mother. And I'm not even a great one at that. But man do I love those children. Man do I enjoy those children. And boy do I love being with them. Nothing beats the time that I have with my people here in our home. The people that keep on growing right before our eyes with unique, funny, and wonderful personalities.

And don't even get me started about the future. The future that holds many holidays, birthdays, proms, college move-in-days, and wedding dances. We have a life in front of us to build, and a wonderful future to look forward to. All because of our children.

So then, how could you blame me. How could you not understand how perfectly normal it is to be driving in your car one {very} early Wednesday morning and not think about having more. More children to hold. More children to love. More children to get to know, to teach, and to be siblings to the ones that we already love so dearly.


"Are you done having children?"

I get this question a lot.

My answer is simply this...
"I'm here having children. That will never end."

As far as the rest... I'll take it one day at a time.