Friday, October 23, 2015

Smile with your eyes, be gentle with your hands, and hold love for many in your hearts.



Busy.

It's the season of life that we are in. That most are in when they become parents. And then they add another child. Or another sport. They add another family tradition. And then maybe yet another child. They add family-teacher conferences, play dates, birthday parties, and soccer games. And maybe even another child. And before you know it, busy all of a sudden takes on a whole new meaning.

Days are forgotten. Birthdays are almost missed. Multi-tasking becomes a sport. And juggling is simply an expectation.


For us, having just had our third baby, life definitely hasn't slowed down. I've written down their milestones. I've written them birthday letters. I've taken more pictures than should be legal. I have turned those images into albums throughout the years. I've videotaped their first steps, Birthday mornings, their impromptu singing, and family vacations. And yet I'm worried. I worry I will forget that feeling I felt when they first giggled, said "I lub you", the way they looked at me, the way they squealed when they opened their first present, the way their eyes get big at the sight of a donut, the way they climb that one broken cabinet drawer that is barely holding on, the way they can play pirates for hours on end, the way Graham sings so loud that I swear the neighbors can hear, and the way they beg and plead "just one more," for just about anything and everything. Just the way that they are. Each one of them. Unique, special, and perfect in their own way. 

I worry. I worry I will somehow forget it all. The noise, the faces, the moments.

Forget their smells, their voices, their tiny toes, sweet soft cheeks, the smell of the outdoors, the way they argue over the silliest mundane things {like who's going to kiss the baby first}, the way they say words incorrectly, and the way they think that their mama and papa are the greatest things on Earth {most days}.

And the baby. Oh the baby. The smell. The soft hair. The need and ultimate desire to be loved and held all hours of the day. The coos. The sleepy smiles. The warmth on her cheeks after a feeding. The way she fits so perfectly in my arms.

As I sit here doing two things I haven't done in a long time {drink a cup of coffee and sit at the breakfast table blogging in the moment}, I can't help but look around at me. Capture a mental note of everything around me. Smile at the commotion. And shed a few tears for not understanding this whole motherhood thing and what it's all about many days.

I remember, I understand, but somehow I get lost in those moments and then forget.

It's not about them being perfect, using their manners all the time, having patience, listening, or learning how to share. Somehow we put so much importance on those things {and they are very important} that we forget to just let them be kids, and most importantly to be human.

To make mistakes, to get angry, to want things for themselves, to be selfish, to ignore the requests {which sound like demands}, and to just sit around and watch TV gosh darn it from time to time. Isn't that how we as adults feel at times? Don't we have moments where we want to be lazy, write off the entire universe, and just be left alone.

Aren't they allowed to feel the same?

I never want to get lost in the ideals of raising children. I never want to put the wrong importance on things that will just happen. I want to focus on the good, the happiness, and most of all I want to let them be children.

I want to teach them grace and patience. I want to teach them that kindness is more important than grades, what kind of job you have, or the money in your wallet. I want to teach them to always help those that need our help the most; the poor, the young, the elderly, and the sick and the pained. 

I want them to cherish their family. To stick up for one another, to teach each other, to never lose sight of the importance of those that share your blood, name, or house that you live in. And to make time for one another.

I want them to know it's okay to make a mistake. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to not think about others but yourself at times, and that this is something that we all struggle with at moments in our lives. It's the one quality that every human on Earth shares; Imperfection.

I want to teach them to value life. To not take a single day for granted. To understand that anything can change in a second, and that we should forever be grateful. For our health. For our loved ones. For having the opportunity to wake up every morning. For our legs that help us walk, and our arms that allow us to embrace our friends. For our voices that give us the opportunity to speak, and for our ears that allow us to listen and learn.

So enjoy life. Enjoy your family and friends. Enjoy that ice cream before dinner {which sometimes turn into dinner}, enjoy the TV marathon, the book you can't put down, the smell of fall and the way the sun feels on your skin. Enjoy laughing none stop to farting noises, dancing with everything you've got, and feeling what love is truly all about. Even when it hurts at times.

Children, I want you to know that I cherish you. I adore you for who you are. I never want you to be anything but you.  I hope that you forever know how loved you are, how appreciated you are, and how important you are to this world that we live in. You don't have to win the Noble peace prize, become the doctor who cures all of cancer, or have millions in the bank account.

All I ever want, for each one of you, is to smile with your eyes, be gentle with your hands, and to hold love for many in your hearts.

If I can just accomplish that as a mother, then I know that I have done something right by you.



Tuesday, October 20, 2015

1 Month Polina



I'm already a week late in posting this, but I wasn't going to let this month go by without writing down every detail. I don't want the year to fly by in a way that I know it will. I want to be able to write down all of her milestones as I did with the other two. I want her to always have something to look back on and read, and remember how very loved she is by her family.

Polina,

I wish there was a better way to bottle up this time with you than just words. I wish I could put the emotions and feelings of it all so that I don't ever forget it.

The way you lay on my chest for hours on end. The way your body goes limp, and all I can hear and feel is your breathing. The way I know that it is the best sleep you have ever gotten. Your safe haven. The beating of my heart, and the place she feels most at home. The way there is no where else I would rather be.

The way your scrawny little legs have started turning to soft little mushy of chubby rolls. The cheeks that have plumped up, and are the sweetest to kiss right after a feeding. Rosy and warm to the touch.

The way you stretch your arms up in the air, fists clenched together, head sprawled back, and lips puckered out.


The way your hair feels as soft as silk. Long and dark, leaving me wondering if they will turn blonde like your older sissy's.

The way she you are my tiniest baby thus far.

The way you smile in your sleep, and makes me want to wake you, squeeze you, and kiss you all over. 

The way your brother and sister literally fight over you. They kiss on you all hours of the day, sing sweet songs to her {mainly twinkle twinkle little star}, and want to take turns holding you. They tell you all the things that you will be doing when you're older, and I just know they will guide you every step of the way.


The way your daddy doesn't even know how wrapped around your finger he really is. If I was a betting woman, I would bet that you will be his little baby princess.

The way your mama just cannot imagine how any more perfect you could possibly be. How you have fit so wonderfully into our family. How you make life with 3 seem like a breeze, and I couldn't thank you enough for that.

You're about 8.5 pounds now {if I had to guess, and based on a rough estimate from the home scale}, and I am so so proud that you are chunking up. You breastfeed exclusively, and just about all the time when you are awake. The milk quickly puts you to sleep, and you continue to sleep for most of the hours of the day and night. You have periods of being awake in the morning for a couple hours, and then at night.

You wear newborn and 0-3 month clothes and are in newborn diapers. We will be transitioning to size 1, and then eventually to cloth diapers {although papa says otherwise}.

Your head is getting so strong, and I'm amazed of how well you can hold it. We do "tummy time" but that mainly consists of the time you spend on my chest. Which is all day.

Twinkle Twinkle little star is the tune you hear the most, and it usually comes from the mouths of two little toddlers known as your brother and sister.

You're the greatest thing to ever happen to our family, and we are so excited to watch you grow, learn, and prosper!
 


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

How the 3 deliveries were different, the same, and unique in their own way.



One of the things that I loved to do the most when I was pregnant with my first, is read all about labor and deliveries. Of course it is something that I still enjoy to do, but unfortunately, do not have the time that I had when I was first pregnant.

I also remember jotting down notes after Graham was born on how my first two deliveries were the same, different, and unique. I want to be able to do the same with Polina's birth, even if it sounds like a complete snooze. Let's just say this post is for the memory books.

Born

1st: 39 weeks 1 day: November 8th, 2010 in the a.m.
2nd: 38 weeks: December 26th, 2012 in the afternoon.
3rd: 37 weeks 3 days: September 15th, 2015 in the a.m.

Weight

1st: 6lbs 15 oz
2nd: 7 lbs 11 oz
3rd: 6lbs 15 oz

the girls were exactly the same weight, even though their gestation age was nearly 2 weeks apart.

Length

1st: 20 inches
2nd: 21 inches
3rd: 19.5 inches

Water Breaking

1st: At the hospital, spontaneous; large POP and gush
2nd: At the hospital, by the physician, and just a slow quiet gush
3rd: At home, very VERY small trickle

Total Labor Length

1st: approximate 3.5 hours
2nd: approximate 4.5 hours
3rd: approximate 5 hours 

Labor

1st: Went in after work because of contractions throughout the day {inconsistent} and thought my water had broken. My blood pressure was high in triage, and since I was 39 weeks and already 3cm dilated, they decided to go ahead and keep me and induce labor {didn't matter, once my water broke, all went crazy from there}.

2nd: Was at work, 10 hours into my shift, with contractions {again inconsistent} and lots of pressure. The girls are work decided to call security to send me across the street to the women's hospital to get checked out. Although I was not in labor at the time, because I was already 4cm and because my previous delivery was very quick and there was a huge snow storm, they decided to keep me break my waters hoping to stimulate labor {it did!}.  

3rd: Was at home, woke up to a small "gush" and then immediately contractions began and escalated from there--was by far my most painful and real experience of what labor truly felt like. Upon arriving to triage, it was determined that I was in real labor, and that my membranes had in fact ruptured. I delivered a couple hours later.

Pain/Epidural

1st: Right after the epidural was placed, I felt intense pressure and the nurse then discovered that I was fully dilated. I was able to feel all my contractions and push on my own, but there was definite pain relief!

2nd: I was offered the epidural prior to my water breaking in hopes of avoiding pain, and somehow {even though I wanted to wait}, I went with it and agreed. I ended up not feeling a thing, being numb from the waist down, and hating every second of it. I went into a full blown anxiety attack, although I knew that this was all completely normal, and asked the anesthesiologist to come back to lower my dose. We had a little bit of a disagreement at first, but then he reluctantly did what I asked, and I proceeded to feel many of my contractions and was able to push on my own as well.

3rd: I wanted to wait. I wanted no epidural if I could. I think I could have done it had I waited maybe 30 more minutes at home. Instead, I got hit with the hardest of contractions at the hospital and finally gave up. I think at this point I had probably already dilated to an 8 or 9, but because I didn't know where I was at, I just gave in to it. I didn't feel relief right away and I felt two more painful contractions and thought surely I was going to die right there and then {dramatic much?!}, until the doctor gave me a little boost and it was perfection all over again. I had the epidural on for only an hour before I asked for it to be turned down {they decided instead to turn it off completely}, so that I could feel when I was pushing.

Pushing

1st: I think it was 15 minutes {in between them setting up}, and about 4-5 contractions that I pushed through.
2nd: Out after 2-3 contractions {5 minutes}. 
3rd: 1 contraction {3 total pushes}, out.

People In Room

With the 1st, I had everyone in the room that you could think of {I think there were 8 total}. All women of course. With the other two? Just me and Andrew. 

Recovery

I had a 1st degree tear with my first, and none with the following two. I had great recoveries with all three, and was up and moving within hours after birth. 

Breastfeeding

All three babies latched on right away and had no issues breastfeeding from there on out. Never had to supplement with formula.

How the kids reacted

Obviously with my 1st, there were no other kids.

With my second, Graham, Elli was overjoyed and excited. She was intrigued by the baby at he hospital, but only for a minute. There were no tantrums of any sort, but she did have trouble sleeping in the first two months.

With my third, Polina, of course my oldest at this point is MORE than overjoyed. She is VERY intrigued. She always wants to help, and she always wants to be around. As for my second child, definitely no tantrums or jealousy like I expected, and has surprised us so much by his excitement and love for his little sister. He can't walk past her without wanting to kiss her, and is so gentle and kind. And definitely understands when I need to tend to her.

---

I can't believe that this may have possibly been my last labor and delivery. To think that I may never do this amazing experience again just saddens me, and I don't even want to think about it. At the same time, I have to just say that I am so thankful that I have had three healthy deliveries, and I choose to focus on that. Thank you God for this gift, and thank you to my husband for being the strongest rock by my side.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Importance of Life Insurance




I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog, and it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine, but I also know that life insurance is a topic that we, as mothers and wives, need to bring more awareness and discussion to the table.

So first, why is it that young people dislike talking about this?

Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 29 year old, talking about this today? Because I am wife and a mother, because we have debt, and because I have seen too many sad stories that leave families not only without a family member, but also without a means of paying off bills.

I am surrounded by both life and death where I work as a critical care nurse. Illnesses and tragedies do not only effect the old. Not only do I see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years, and then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can surprise at any age, any day, any moment in time.


I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work, which fortunately for us, a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised, and very impressed, that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.


When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

So here is where I challenge you to ask yourself if life insurance, or any other voluntary insurance policy is right for you and your family. With open enrollment around the corner for many businesses out there, it is important to sit down and have this important discussion with those that you love, check out what your company has to offer, and start thinking about the future. 
I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog. I know that it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine. But what I also know is that life insurance is a word that the young seem to steer away from, and unfortunately a topic that needs more awareness and exposure.

Why do young people not like to talk about it? Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 26 year old, talking about this today? Because I'm a mama now. Well, I've been one for quite some time. Not to mention that I am a wife. And also the fact that I am surrounded by both life and death where I work. Because I not only see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years. And then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can strike at any age, any time.

I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work which fortunately for us a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised/impressed that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.

When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

My husband and children are the most important people in my life. I hope I live to see my daughter's children be born. To watch my grandchildren graduate college. To travel and see the world. I hope I live to see the day my husband gets gray hair, is in need of a hip replacement, and needs a pill box to organize all his medicine. My hopes and dreams all revolve around my family, their health and security, and their future. And if a day comes that I won't be here to be a part of all these important milestones in their lives? My hope is that they will still be able to carry on those dreams of theirs with absolutely nothing holding them back - See more at: http://frommrstomama.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-life-insurance-movement.html#sthash.0IIRJhCf.dpuf
I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog. I know that it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine. But what I also know is that life insurance is a word that the young seem to steer away from, and unfortunately a topic that needs more awareness and exposure.

Why do young people not like to talk about it? Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 26 year old, talking about this today? Because I'm a mama now. Well, I've been one for quite some time. Not to mention that I am a wife. And also the fact that I am surrounded by both life and death where I work. Because I not only see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years. And then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can strike at any age, any time.

I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work which fortunately for us a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised/impressed that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.

When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

My husband and children are the most important people in my life. I hope I live to see my daughter's children be born. To watch my grandchildren graduate college. To travel and see the world. I hope I live to see the day my husband gets gray hair, is in need of a hip replacement, and needs a pill box to organize all his medicine. My hopes and dreams all revolve around my family, their health and security, and their future. And if a day comes that I won't be here to be a part of all these important milestones in their lives? My hope is that they will still be able to carry on those dreams of theirs with absolutely nothing holding them back - See more at: http://frommrstomama.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-life-insurance-movement.html#sthash.0IIRJhCf.dpuf
I know this isn't a topic that I normally talk about on the blog. I know that it is far from all the mama business, shopping deals, and everyday life that surrounds this little space of mine. But what I also know is that life insurance is a word that the young seem to steer away from, and unfortunately a topic that needs more awareness and exposure.

Why do young people not like to talk about it? Perhaps due to the lack of extra finances to open up a plan. Maybe the lack of knowledge of what life insurance is and what it will mean for them. And most importantly, lack of understanding of what life after death may look like to their beloved family members. So why am I, a 26 year old, talking about this today? Because I'm a mama now. Well, I've been one for quite some time. Not to mention that I am a wife. And also the fact that I am surrounded by both life and death where I work. Because I not only see the old pass but also the young. Young men and women in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Women and men with young children. Some with older ones getting ready to head out to college. A daughter who is getting ready to walk down the aisle. A son who's the star quarterback on his football team. A wife who has been a stay at home mother for 10+ years. A lifestyle that they have worked so hard to build throughout the years. And then death happens. And it rips the family apart. It rips everything they know, everything they do, how they function, how they don't. And thus, they are forced to enter this new world of being a widow, left without their loved one, left with bills, responsibilities, and changes that they never thought for one second they would have to live with.

Perhaps I have reached the core of why young people don't discuss life insurance. Because by talking about it... it means that "it," in other words death, can actually happen. And the thing about it, is that it can. And it does. Car accidents happen. Heart attacks come unexpectedly. Cancer, in which we still don't have a cure for, strikes. And the unfortunate part is that these things can strike at any age, any time.

I was 23 years old when we opened up our first life insurance plan at my work which fortunately for us a very large amount was offered both for myself and my husband. I was surprised/impressed that ours actually offered something more than the typical 50k/100k plans that you typically see in work environments. Therefore, we took out the maximum amount allowed, which would far exceed a funeral, pay off our home and student loans in full, and give myself or my husband a 5+ year cushion to get our feet off the ground, get out of our depressed beds, and figure out how to get ourselves back in order.

We have maintained this plan since. Thankfully for me, it costs very little to us, and we view it as pocket change for what could be life changing if death did unfortunately strike. And we have further discussed opening up a separate private plan in the next couple of months to add onto the "cushion" of our life insurance. A cushion we do not exactly like to discuss over the dinner table, but as our family grows, know how important it is that we do.

When something as unfortunate as death of a loved one occurs, the last thing anyone would ever want is financial burden on top of the grief for their family members.

I hope that I will be one of the many that throws her money into an insurance plan that we will never have to use. Because that to me? Would mean that both my husband and I are still alive and living life with our children. But in the unfortunate event that we do? I at least know we are covered.

My husband and children are the most important people in my life. I hope I live to see my daughter's children be born. To watch my grandchildren graduate college. To travel and see the world. I hope I live to see the day my husband gets gray hair, is in need of a hip replacement, and needs a pill box to organize all his medicine. My hopes and dreams all revolve around my family, their health and security, and their future. And if a day comes that I won't be here to be a part of all these important milestones in their lives? My hope is that they will still be able to carry on those dreams of theirs with absolutely nothing holding them back - See more at: http://frommrstomama.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-life-insurance-movement.html#sthash.0IIRJhCf.dpuf


I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

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