A Moment of Silence.

It's very hard for me to write this right now. To sit here and publicly post on my little space on the internet about a tragedy that will be talked about for weeks to come. A tragedy that surrounds all of the social media. A tragedy that will one day be placed in the history books. One that our children will one day read about.

The thing is, it's not about me, my pain, or my heart ache. My tears are not about me. Not for others to feel sorry for me. Not for attention to be drawn to me. It has nothing to do with me. Nor does it have anything to do with you, you, or you.

I was in the car. Driving home from what was a beautiful and thoughtful shower thrown for my husband by his fellow co-workers. We had a great time. We enjoyed one another. We watched Elliana show off her skills at throwing balls, counting "duckies", and out-laughing everyone else in the room.

I kissed my husband goodbye, and waved him off as he walked back to work. Elliana and I were on our way home when my husband called to tell me the news.

27 dead. 18 children dead. Shooting. Elementary school.

It's numbing. It is horrific. There is a lot to be said about those short few words that were spoken over the phone. And at the same time, it's so real.

I won't turn on the news. I refuse to read anymore facebook, twitter, or any other social media chat out there about today. It's going to be the topic of the day. All you will hear about is how much pain everyone is in. How angry they are. Gun control. Mental illness. Something must be done.

People are furious. People are sad. People are waving their arms in the air. They are demanding change. Demanding law changes. Screaming for help.

But those same people? Their lives will go on.

In no time, maybe hours, days, or a week, they will have forgotten. They will be able to laugh again. They will be able to enjoy the holidays. They will read bedtime stories to their kids, and be able to kiss them goodnight. They will post pictures on instagram of the meal they cooked, the outfits they wore, or the things that came in the mail. They will continue on with their lives.

And by they? I mean all of us. The public. The outraged public. We, as hard as this may be to say right now, will have moved on. Maybe not forgotten, but moved on.

But, lets talk about those families. Those children. Those that are affected.

This is absolutely the worst time of their life. This has literally torn their world apart. Nothing will ever be the same. No one can bring their children home to them. No more bedtime stories. No more kisses goodnight. The presents underneath the tree? Will merely be a reminder of what will never be again.

So as we go on about our day, think about those families that have to now learn how to go on in this scary world we live in.

Think about when will they be able to laugh again. When will they ever be able to enjoy the holidays again. Think about how they will ever learn how to put one foot in front of the other. How to sleep through the night. How to breathe. Without their children. Those children that they have fought so hard to protect from the evils of our world. Those children that were so innocently taken out of this world by that same evil.

Think about the families. Pray for the families. Close your eyes and take just a moment of silence. Take this day to devote to these families and children. Go hug your children. Go hug your husbands. Go hold those that you love close to you. Sit by the fire. Look at old pictures. Smile for those families that have now lost their smiles and laughter to this tragedy.

Forget about the gun control. Forget about mental illness. Forget about your pain, our pain. It's not about any of us. Not now.

Pray for the families and that one day, they will find life again.

**Comments turned off.

36 week Bump Attack with a "Progress Report"

Why yes, I lost a brain cell or two when I decided that I was in the mood for heels at 9 months pregnant. And to top that off... I accessorized those beautiful boots with one active I'm-definitely-two-mom toddler. Good news? I survived. And? No one was hurt.

Moving right along.....

Well. If you follow me on twitter, instagram, or even facebook than some of this update will be old news to you. Why? Because Monday, after my doctor's appointment I posted my "progress report" for all my readers. In other words, how things are going down THERE.

So. Here is my progress report for those that are not aware.
Centimeters: 3.5
Effaced: 60%
Head: VERY low
Water: "Bulging"

Yes, I do realize that this may mean nothing in the world of when baby boy will make his arrival. To me though? What it DOES mean? Two things. That these bloody wild crazy contractions are doing something. And that my body is preparing for Graham's arrival. What it also means to me? That things could go super fast {especially after only being in labor with E for 3.5 hours}.

Other things going on this week? I think I gained 2 pounds. So I'm up to about 28 pound weight gain. Not bad, I am totally okay with this. I still fit in all my non-maternity clothes so honestly not complaining. No stretch marks. Linea Nigra {finally} made its appearance. The belly button is popping out and about to do some damage with how far its sticking out. Baby boy is super low. Lots of trips to the bathroom. Still sleeping through the night though. Have had my periods of nesting, and periods of completely wanting to do absolutely nothing {which is okay too}. Lots of braxton hicks. Lots of pressure down there.

Mucus plug? Oh what... you weren't wanting to know this kind of information? Plug your eyes. I'm about to talk about bodily discharges from the down yonder region.

Are we nervous? Andrew is. I'm doing okay. Are we excited? Certainly. Are we ready? As ready as one can get. Elliana? She loves her baby brother already. Talks about him all the time. I think she will be an amazing big sister. I say that with true confidence.

In the past couple days alone, the girls at my work noticed a "significant drop." I never even said anything. They would come up to me and comment on how much lower my belly looked. Does this mean anything? Who knows.

What I do know is that being 9 months pregnant and working in a such a high acuity critical care unit has been really tough on me. Mainly the other night when I got a new admission that was the sickest of the sick. I nearly fainted toward the end of the night. This mama just doesn't have the pep in her step like she used to.

My prediction? I still stand by the 38 week mark. Which actually happens to fall right on Christmas. Do I want him to come on Christmas? No, not really. But I do want him to come when he's ready. And this certainly is just my little prediction. But lately? I've been thinking sometime within the next week. So before Christmas.

Full Term in just a few days!!! Hello 37 weeks. You have been long anticipated!

So, I'm going to do open this up to a little prediction test here. Put in your dates and times! Whoever is the closest will win a medium AD space on my blog.

Elliana Lately

2 year doctor's appointment:
Weight: 28 pounds
Height: 35.5 inches
Head: 50cm
Basically 75% throughout. Our growing happy, healthy, baby girl.

Clothes: 24 months-2T
Diaper: 4
Shoe: 6

You love to carry around your Caillou doll. And recently your Teddy Bear, which was papa's bear as a baby. And then you will make them sit at your little baby table at the opposite chair across from you and "talk" to them while you draw. This has got to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen.

Lots of talking as usual, what else is new. We are beyond the 300+ words mark and I have long time stopped counting the words. You say so many cute things. So many sayings. Ask questions. Make statements. You have put together 5-6 words together now without any problem. It's amazing how much your vocabulary has grown. Logically starting to "think."

This past month we have also been working on you recognizing what each letter is {lowercase and uppercase} and I have to say that you are doing exceptionally well with this. You get them right about 90% of the time. We will continue to work on this so you can be a speedy little thing. As far as numbers? You recognize about 75% of the time. You can count without any assistance up to about 17, and do so pretty fast.

You love to sing. You love songs. Period. You have mastered singing the ABC's without any sort of help. And it is so fun to watch you just burst out singing them without us even prompting. You even sing the "Now I know my ABC's...." and so forth.  You ADORE Christmas music {proud mama over here}. Some of your favorite songs include: you are my sunshine, jingle bells, rudolph, twinkle twinkle little star, wheels on the bus, christmas tree.

Bath time is STILL an ultimate favorite in our house. You will ask for a bath. If mama goes in for a bath after a late night at work, you INSIST on getting in with me. You would like 3-4 baths a day if we let you.

In the bath? We, you included, love to do the ABC's and 123 in there. You have these foam alphabet and number blocks and you just LOVE to call out what is what and place them on the wall of the tub. Papa and I love doing them with you as well. Watching you learn is one of the biggest blessings in life.

You LOVE to do crafts. Are great with the glue. And get so excited when you finish a project.

You love to brush your teeth, and even ask for it every morning and night.

You are so funny when it comes to food. You have just been one picky eater. Very weird with textures. Still to this day despise chicken, and would live off snacks if we let you. Which we don't. And won't.

Your favorite food is still: carrots, yogurt and granola, cereal, PB&J, mac n cheese, bananas, annie's  snacks, cottage cheese and preserve, waffles, water, milk, apples. Pretty much on a 95% organic diet!

You are all of a sudden into stuffed animals. Only took 2 years. Before? No interest what-so-ever. Now? You want to carry around teddy bear number #1 and #2 {your first teddy and papa's teddy as a baby}, monkey, and caillou. All at once.

Something cute that you do that I don't want to forget is you say : "Elli princess, mama queen, papa king." It makes us giggle each and every time.

Also? Blankets. You love them. You will grab any blanket you will find to cover yourself up with. In the chair? Blanket. Couch? Blanket. Lay on the stares? With blanket.

A lot of rumbling and tumbling you have been. Very active child lately. And you just want to TOUCH EVERYTHING in sight. I mean really child, it's like you are marking your terrority and at the same time trying to test mama. You giggle and giggle and giggle when you know you aren't supposed to be touching things.

You would live outside if we let you. I'm really bummed that it has been cold out because I do miss our hourly adventures outside. We still go out and take walks... but nothing like it used to be. Can I already tell you how excited I am for summer time? {i know... you are rolling your eyes... mom... it's not even Christmas yet!}

Which results in lots of time outs. Your two's are definitely shining through. We, your papa and I, are learning the best way to deal with your behavior. Our goal is for you to be strong, confident, and most of all respectful and we hope we are always doing the right thing to lead you to that direction.

You LOVE to do your education apps on the phone and ipad. They have been truly a great learning tool for us!

You had a sucker for the first time {don't laugh} when we went to the bank the other day. The lady gave that to me for you and I just couldn't say no. So I handed it to you. You were curious. But it definitely didn't take long for you to get the hang of it. And the whole drive home it was "ohhh, yummy mama." We even made a video and sent it to papa. Needless to say, I think I might put a little sucker in your stocking this year :)

You are going to be an AMAZING big sister. No doubt about it. You talk about baby brother ALL day. Kiss the belly. Rub the belly. Talk to him. It's really just the most absolutely amazing thing to watch you do.

A post on being hateful. The best title I could come up with.

I'm not quite sure why I am even writing this post, nor do I even know how to title it.
I'm hoping it will come to me by the end. The title.
I'm not quite sure why I feel the need to say this, as I am not the first, nor will I be the last to do so
But I'm hoping that maybe it will resonate with many of you, some of you, even if it's just one of you.

Really? I'm writing this because it's been on my mind. And things? Well things don't leave my mind unless I let it out there. Particularly, not until I write it out.

Here is my thought for the day. The week.  The month. The year.

Why is there so much hate and bitterness, jealousy and pain, cruelty and anger in this world. How and why does one act out the way they do. How does one treat another human being the way they do. The things that are done. The things that are said. Out of spite. To cause pain. Conflict. Tears.

I know this is a problem with human beings in general. A flaw of ours. Imperfections. No one person is alike. Nor are we built from the same DNA. And although I know this world will continue to have cruelty and hate that we can not control... there is one thing that baffles me the most.

Mothers acting like children. There I said it.

Especially in the social media world. We see it every day. I see it all over. And time and time again, I'm astonished by what I read. The little battles that form. The hate that comes out of ones mouth. The indirect and the direct comments that are made about individual people. PUBLICLY.

It's one thing to text your friend about someone that is irritating you. It's one thing to tell your husband at the dinner table. It's one thing to write it in your journal, or mutter a word or two under your breath in your home.

It's another thing to try to publicly humiliate or inflict some sort of pain on another individual. Whether you are right or wrong, it doesn't make it okay. Ever.

My question to you is what sort of message are we sending to our children? Is this really how we want to be portrayed as? Is this really who we are. Would you want your children behaving this way? And honestly, what good are you accomplishing sitting behind a computer. Honestly.

To me, this is how I see it. Whether you are getting on facebook, twitter, your blog or whatever other social media you are on... try to keep in mind the power of words. Try to think about what you say and the message that you are sending. Will this benefit you in any way? What good will come out of you saying this? Is it worth it? To be bitter. Hateful. Rude. Or Nasty.

Is-it-worth-it.

I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. I've said things I have regretted. But I am continually learning as I go. Motherhood has changed me throughout the years, made me stronger, better, and more aware of the power of words and actions.

And when I see things that are nasty? I am reminded of who I don't ever want to be. Who I hope no one ever sees me as.  The role model I wouldn't  want for my children.

Be bigger. Be better.
Compassionate. Nice. Supportive. Encouraging. Inspiring. Loving. POSITIVE.

I know our world isn't full of rainbows and butterflies, nor can we rid it of all evil. I have no solution, no master plan, or idea to sell to you. I just write out my thoughts in hopes that maybe it will have some sort of impact.... if not on anyone out there, at least it will on me and my children when they are able to read this one day. A reminder. A message. A food for thought to.....

Take all that energy... and do great things in your life. 

*comments turned off, as this was written from the heart.