On being sick. And 2015.

It seems as though the sickness has not left our home this winter, and winter has just begun. From one cold to another, to then catching the big dog, the flu, we can't seem to catch a break. Just when we think we are on the mend, another one catches us and brings us down hard.

So we are stuck. We are stuck inside moping and groping and feeling pitiful for ourselves.  I lost 3 pounds in a matter of 2 days. I couldn't leave the couch except to feed my children and change them. And I tossed and turned at night, in between chills and breaking fevers. My body was fighting and I couldn't help but say "I hate this feeling."

And the truth is, that I do. And I hate it even more when I see my children experience the same feeling. Being sick is one of the most helpless feelings in the world, and not just that, but an entirely big inconvenience.

Think about it. Christmas is over, all the big birthdays are over, and I'm stuck here with the flu. I finally have 3 days off work and I have these big plans to put all the Christmas decor away, to organize every closet in the house, to clean and to de-clutter. And now I can't. I have this set back, and it's a pretty crappy one at that.

But as inconvenient as it may be, and as terrible of a feeling as it may be, it is a greater blessing in disguise. To appreciate your health. To appreciate your body. To take care of yourself. To forget about the unimportant things in life {laundry, cleaning, organizing} and focus on what is important {your family, and helping others}. I can't count how many times I have sat on the couch with my children in the past 3 days and thought about all the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, adults and children, who are sick out there. Those that are much sicker than I am. Those that are struggling with cancer. Those that are actively dying.

Specifically, I thought about the women I wrote about last year who had passed away from cancer. I knew then that her words would forever stay with me, but I never realized how much. As I walked up the stairs two nights ago carrying Graham in my arms, I thought that I possibly wouldn't make it one more step. Every bone in my body ached. I felt the weakest I had ever felt. And I teared up thinking about this mother and how she had to crawl up the stairs to tuck her children in at night. Her body was failing her, and I could only imagine the pain that she felt both physically and emotionally.

But unlike those that are dying, the sickness that hits many of our families across the world during this time of year gets better. We eventually get our strength back. We eventually get our appetite back. And we eventually get up and moving as if we were never sick.

For me, all that is left of my sickness is a lingering cough. My muscles feel stronger. My bones don't have that dull ache.  And I think I will be able to scrounge up an egg or two this morning. Better yet, conveniently, I am pleased to report that I'm well enough to go right back to work tonight. 

But I can't help but think about what these past 3 days have meant to me. I look around the room and I can't hold back the tears wondering how blessed I am for these three people in my life and for the good health that we have been fortunate to have all these years.With the new year approaching, I think about all the things that I want to improve on, how I want to grow, and in which ways I want to fully dive into life, and each time I bring myself to one word:

To give.

To give more of myself.

 To my children. To myself. To Jesus. To those in need. To the environment. To my family and friends.

Sounds so basic.

That's because it is. I don't have any grand plans or goals, I just want to completely live life. Use my strength and good health to focus on the important things in life and to see what the future brings. To never have regrets, and to re-focus.

To give all of myself. To all that is important in life.

Happy 2015.