Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Never, have I ever.

 Do you remember playing that game in school, "Never, have I ever..."

The one where we had to keep our hands up, and when we couldn't say that we never did {whatever the person said they had never done}, then we had to put a finger down. When we were out of fingers, we were out. Out, and ashamed.

Yeah, that one. I see you guys nodding your heads. Question is, who actually lost the game? It wasn't me, that's for sure.

Well, in today's world, if we were to play that game, it would go something like this:

Never have I ever been able to get the kids ready for a day out in the snow in less than 20 minutes. And with my patience still intact.

Never have I ever regretted downloading an app the way I regret downloading time hop. Damn you time hop, damn you.

Never have I ever had two kids fall asleep on me at the same time. Ever.

I know that may sound strange. In fact, I've seen moms with 3-4 kids piled up on her and all of them out for the count. I've been amazed by that. And the kids who can fall asleep anywhere: the high chair, on the floor, sitting up watching TV. Anywhere.

Those aren't my kids. Yes, they have napped before at the same time. Plenty times. But that's also been a long time ago, since my oldest stopped napping months and months ago.

Eons ago.

So you should have seen my face when I was sitting on the couch, hearing my oldest snore away on top of my chest. Then my youngest climbs on top of me yelling something around the lines of "Food, water, FEED ME MOTHER." Something like that. Basically he was being demanding, and there was no way in this world I was moving from this spot where my one child that no longer naps happens to be... napping.

"No," I said. Not right now baby, you're going have to wait until sissy wakes up. "

Pretty sure there was some grunting noises coming out of him, a few huffs and puffs and then he just started talking to me about who knows what. I asked him if he was excited for music class tomorrow. I asked him about his favorite trucks. I asked him if he missed Christmas, happy, and Santa. I chatted with him for some time, and slowly his answers became few and far between until finally I didn't hear a peep out of him.

Heaviness is all I felt.

I had to whip out my phone to make sure that this was truly happening. I flipped the camera around to see the three of us, and what do you know, it was true. They were both sleeping. ON ME. Sleeping.

I was convinced this would be maybe a 20 minute nap, because surely one would wake another, my movement would disrupt their peacefulness, and of course they ought to be getting uncomfortable as well. Right?

And what do you know, 10 minutes into them falling asleep on me, my phone dies.

So I am laying there, with two kids sleeping, a dog passed out on the couch across from me, and me stuck there in the worst most awkward spot ever. And I have myself left for company. Which normally, I wouldn't be complaining, but I tell you what... you think about a lot of things when you are in a dead silent room with nothing but your thoughts left.

The window was in view, so I literally watched the sky turn from bright out, to darker, to a ray of pink as the sun began to go down. Then pitch black.

When I realized neither child was going to be getting up anytime soon, I decided to close my eyes for a little bit. Just as I started dozing off, I hear a knock and then the eruption of Carson barking away trying to scare away all those strangers with his scary little old self. The only person he scared was me. Right out of my sleep.

It was just the fedex guy. Normally, I love the fedex guy. But when he woke me out of my sleep, I liked him very little.

Then, I was again left with my thoughts. I thought about a lot.

I thought about Christmas, and how quickly it came and went and how hard it is now to even remember it all. With the tree gone, the stockings packed away, and every sparkle of gold, silver, red, and green tucked away in the attic. As I looked out the window, I noticed the Christmas tree and lights still out on our front porch. I want to remind Andrew to put those away, but at the same time, I don't.

I thought about Graham and how I have a 2 year old. I've had a 2 year old for some time not, but I still can't believe it. Two just sounds so old. Two doesn't sound like a baby. At this age, when Elliana was Graham's age, I was weeks away from delivering. I am neither that, nor am I even pregnant. I can't help but imagine what it would be like right now with a little baby in my arms.

I thought about how we are all just recovering from being sick and how being stuck in the house is not for us. We watched more TV then I ever care to admit, and I hate to say that I kind of want to wish winter away. After we get our share of sledding in. Then I'm okay with some hot temperatures.

I thought about how I've been secretly house hunting on the side. House dreaming I should say. Andrew got this idea in my head months ago, and I since then I will go to the realtor website and just look to see what is out on the market. We aren't anywhere close to moving. We could, but I don't want to. Not now. The next time we move, I want it to be our dream home. We aren't there yet. But boy is it kind of fun to dream and to look.

At some point, I kissed both of the kids' foreheads and contemplated waking them up. In fact, I think I did stir them a little. Some movement and grunts later, a change in position, and they were in a more awkward spot than before and passed out yet again. I would venture to say that they would probably stay asleep for the rest of the night, but my kids definitely aren't the kind that change positions without waking.

So I stayed there. I stayed there until I heard that glorious opening of the garage door, and my handsome stud of a husband walk through the door to find his favorite three people sprawled on the couch.

Dinner? Dinner was not made. It was thought of. That counts right?

For two hours I spent on that couch just admiring these two bodies that were on me, and thinking about all the things that I swear I feel like I haven't had "time" to think about. Do you ever feel that way? You don't have time for anything anymore, including something as simple as your thoughts?

I was thankful for those two hours. Peace, quiet, and the world standing still.

Never, have, I ever been stuck on the couch with two bodies on me, not knowing the time, and watching the world outside change right in front of my eyes.

Finger down. I have, and I'd do it again.


  1. Those are the precious moments we hold in our hearts forever. What I'd give for my 12 and 10 year olds to fall asleep on me again. xoxo

  2. So sweet. I secretly love it when my daughter falls asleep on me, which is very rare!


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