An update on life

Boy has this little space of mine been neglected or what. I am sure by now everyone is convinced that my blogging days are over, but I'm over here trying to talk myself into all these grand plans for my writing. I want to open up this space for myself to let go, to dream through words, to connect, and to grow. Reading my writing often times lets me reflect on things, and in a way is a form of therapy. Yet, I haven't found that balance yet. The balance between working full time, to taking care of the kids full time, to growing my photography business, and to remember to just sit back, relax, and enjoy life.

But that also doesn't mean that I have to give up right? Surely, I can dig myself out of this blogging funk and find myself through the process. Even if that means that the kids are throwing legos, and the baby is essentially crawling all over me, and I'm avoiding answering emails. But I'm sitting here and I'm going to write it out gosh darn it.

So. Life.

Man life has been good. We have had such an amazing year. A great year. With a lot of hard days though. My kids are getting to an age where the parenting thing is always making me question myself. Yesterday was one of those days. Where I felt like I failed. I yelled a lot, I said things I wish I hadn't said, and I didn't love enough. I was quick to respond, and my patience was on a different continent.

But we are all healthy. My kids are really happy. Andrew is happy finally at work. I'm doing new things at mine. And we are together. Every day that I wake up, I just think, thank God we are all together. If I can just keep this thought tucked away in my back pocket wherever I go, all throughout the day, then perhaps I can learn to let go of the things that really don't matter.

Christmas was amazing. We had the best time at my parents house, enjoyed the best Russian food ever {my mom is the most amazing cook}, shared great laughs, and then ended the night in our Christmas jammies {EVERYONE}, and opening up the presents. It was the best night. We stayed there, and then int he morning we were off, singing Christmas carols and wondering if Santa did in fact make a stop at our house. He did. And he was good to us. And again, there was something so special about this Christmas. Not sure if it was because Polina was with us this year, the fact that the kids are at such fun ages, or maybe because we just savored every moment and did not feel rushed one bit to go anywhere. It was truly memorable.

Elliana wants to go to school next year. Like really really wants to. I've always said that we will follow lead with our kids' desires when it comes to homeschooling, so I guess we will most likely have a kid in school next year and that is all bizarre to me. I mean, we are going from being with her all hours to the day, to being gone the majority of the day 5 days a week. I just don't think I will be able to handle it.....

I have a 3 year old now. Oh yes, can you believe that. Graham man is officially 3, and I promise I am working on his 3 year post and have not {and will not} forget about my sweet little man. He's wonderful though. So special. Mama's boy through and through. Papa lover for all things fun. And just a destructible little thing.

I also have an almost 4 month old. Here in less than 2 weeks, Polina will be 1/3 of the way through the year, and that just seems shocking to me honestly. She is holding her head up high, sleeping through the night {11-12 hours without waking}, and drooling like a monster which leads me to believe she may have teeth sooner than later. The kids are in love with her, and her sweet giggles just steal our hearts all day long.

I made our vacation video. It's 21 minutes long. It will definitely be a post for another day.

Work is work. I'm still working full time nights in the critical care unit, and although I have talked about going part time, I'm still not there yet. The schedule is still working out ok for me {in other words, the lack of sleep is still going strong}, and well one day I will have time to sleep I guess. I'm doing charge and rapid response now {very interesting}, as well as precepting, so it's nice to have a change of pace on some days.

My photography business is growing. I mean blooming. In fact, I'm pretty much booked up fall 2016 already. I have six weddings booked, and 2 pending currently. I mean what is going on here? I'm excited to share that I will also be buying my dream camera. This is the biggest reason for my absence around here.

I'm going to leave it there, because I have a few photography clients to get back to, and I think I have rambled enough. Not to mention, Andrew should be home any minute with what I hope, wine in his hands!

Happy weekend you all.

My sister turns 21 next week!!!!!!!