Three is a hard age for me.

Three is a hard age for me. Not because my daughter is making it hard, but because I make it hard. Because I make it more than it should be. Because I bring unneeded stress and high expectations to the table.

This morning when I was trying to get E dressed, we had a little disagreement. She wanted her banana right away, and I wanted to put her clothes on first. As a compromise, I patiently explained to her that after putting her clothes on, I would hand her the banana. Apparently that was not the answer she was looking for and she wanted the banana and she wanted it right now. Insert crying next.

I don't do well with demands. Interesting because I am naturally a demanding human being. Unfortunately.

I don't do well with screaming and yelling in order to try to get said demand.

I don't do well when I am continually ignored.

So I gave her the counting time. I threatened no banana at all. I just had enough and I just wanted her to listen. And gosh darn it, I wanted her to listen RIGHT NOW.

I reacted a lot faster than I should have, raised my voice a little louder than I ever wish to get, and made my expectations a little bit more clearer to her.

With tears running down her face, she did finally get dressed. She did eventually get her banana {after much huffing and puffing from her mama and having a little talk about what happened, what we need to do next time, and how we could have avoided all that by just listening}. And everyone was kissy face happy again.

Except mama. Me.

I was not happy. I still am not happy. I'm mad. And it's not at my daughter.

I am mad at myself that I make things so hard on all of us. I am mad that I just did not take the time to work through the situation. I am mad that I was more concerned about my oldest waking up our youngest during her screaming escapade than I was about handling things the right way.

Why. Why put as through all that and make everyone stressed.

I realized something really important today. Something I realized about age two last year, and something that I need to be reminded of age three this year. That we only make things as hard as we allow them to be. That we only make things into something bigger than they should be, because of what we decide to do. That things only get worse and blown out of perspective based on our own actions as parents.

Should I have given her the banana right away because she was demanding it? Absolutely not. Should I have tried to bribe her, threaten things, or gotten angry? No absolutely not. Should I have taken the time to talk to her a little longer, walked away, and taken the time to compose myself? Yes. Yes, I should have.

 I know all of these things. And when we are rushed by time, or rushed by certain scenarios {like a little baby sleeping}, we tend to throw all logic out the window and become desperate. I become desperate. And I become a parent that I am ashamed of. In that split moment of time.

It is hard as a parent to not understand why your child will not listen to you in certain situations. It may not be all the time. It may just be once in a blue moon. But when that happens you just forget that they are little, that this is how they are wired, and that most importantly, it is our job as parents to guide them. And to guide them in a patient, compassionate, loving way.

It is hard for us to not expect more out of these children. They walk. They talk. They are pretty darn self sufficient, and I know they know what I am saying and that mama is going to get upset if they don't listen. Don't they get it? How many times do we have to repeat ourselves or go through the same situation in order for the light bulb to go off?

The answer? As many times as it takes.

The answer is just that simple. They are three. There is your answer. They are wired to explore, they are wired to manipulate, and they are wired to try to test limits. They are. And we as parents need to set those limits, need to allow them to think of an appropriate solution to the problem, and of course love them throughout the way.

I know all this. I can write it a hundred times on a chalkboard---over and over and over again. Let them be little. Let them be little. Let them be little. Let them be little. Repeat.

We as adults, parents, mess up and act in a way that we may not always be proud of. We. Adults. Twenty seven years of life in and I still mess up. A child? A child should be allowed the same exception, and certainly, they should be allowed the time to learn, to process, and to respond without a time limit set upon them.

I know this, and I know that it's a work in progress. God created children to be this way not to give us grey hairs {although I have plenty of those}, but to challenge us as individuals. My children have made me a better person not because they are cute and sweet and tell me how much they love me. Because they have shown me how much better life can be based on what you make of it.

So age three? It's hard. It's hard because I have made it hard. Not the actual three year old. She has nothing to do with it.

Today, today I make it easier.

He she. Boy girl. Daughter son. Who cares?!

I wanted to talk about something really serious that is on my heart today. Although I have to work this evening, I laid in bed next to my daughter and son during nap time and stared up at the ceiling. I kept thinking about this post that I wanted to write, and no matter how hard I tried to push it out of my thoughts and catch some rest, I just couldn't. So. Here I sit. Sitting in front of the computer screen, hands on the keyboard, and a brain that is working at full speed.

Would slamming my keyboard be enough to explain my frustration?

Let us start at the beginning.

My son is now 13 months old. Eight. It is amazing me to think that this month he will be 14 months, and before you know it we will be celebrating his second year of life.  I try to think about what these past 13 months have meant to us. How our lives have changed. The joy, the adjustments, the worry, and the unknowns. Sure, you think "oh, I've been through this before," but doing it a second time, with a second baby, makes it completely different. So the experience has been unique to say the least.

My children.

I love my children equally. Both boy and girl. Both are special in their unique way. Both bring a special kind of happiness to our lives. And both love us individually in their own unique special way. Special, is just the best way I can describe them both. Blessed, certainly to say the least. And unique, individual, and their own person are just some other ways to describe it. Sure, I could sit here and list thing that I love about each one of them. I could tell you how the way my three year old wraps her arms around my neck in the morning and whispers "I love you so much mama" is by far the most beautiful thing I ever heard. I could tell you how my one year old clings on to me so tight during the day and has this way of placing his little head on my shoulders that I sometimes lose my breath thinking about how grateful I am for this child. I could tell you that my three year old is wild and crazy and loves to make noise. I could tell you that my one year old is a climber, adventurous, and doesn't mind taking risks. I could tell you that my three your old was a much better napper than my one year old, and that my oldest is much more affectionate than my youngest. My youngest is greedy when it comes to giving out kisses.

I could tell you so many things about my children, and never would I need to use the words "Girl, or boy, son or daughter." They are descriptive words, so yes, at times I would use them. But to differentiate the two? I just don't see it necessary. Differentiating based on differing personalities, yes. Differentiating based on gender? Why.

My love.

When it comes to which gender I love or I feel is greater or "different" I cannot tell you. Because it, this difference in gender, truly, from the bottom of my heart, does not exist.

I get heartbroken when I read things about gender at times. I think in this world that we live in, we are stuck on this idea of how boys and girls should be. Boys are rough and tough and play with trucks and cars and boys are "mama's boys" and boy do they loooove their mama. Girls? Girls are prissy and cute, all about hair and dress up, dolls, and playing house. Oh, and of course girls are "daddy's girls." And therefore, it seems almost second nature to start throwing this stuff out at women who are expecting a certain gender.

Whenever someone announces a gender reveal of a boy, the same comments seems to appear:

"Boys love their mamas in a different way." 

"Until you have a boy and a girl, you won't understand... but loving a boy is so much more special."

"I love my girls, but my boy is my everything."

"Welcome to the boy mom club! It's the best!"

I remember writing a post before my daughter was born about everyone getting excited about me having a boy next.  I talked about how unsettling it was that people thought I should be thrilled that I was getting one of each. That now I get to experience the joys of being a boy mom. What does that mean? I experienced the joy of being a mom the first time with my daughter. Now I get to experience those wonderful joys of being a mom again with my son. Is the joy different because I was now having a boy? Why should it be. Sure the experience may be different, but that has nothing to with having a boy as it does with just having another child with a different personality and likes and dislikes, and going through the motion all over again. With another child.

I remember my mom stating to me that I needed to have a boy next when my daughter was just a couple weeks old. I remember her saying that my daughter was her daddy's girl because that is what girls are and that I would need my own little boy because every mama needs a boy. A baby with no preference right now and she is pinged already a daddy's girl. I remember getting angry with her and she realized early on that I was not up for that conversation.  Although it was in good fun, and she was just expressing this to me because that's what society wants you to believe--it still bothered me. It bothered me that there is this expectation out of gender. That a bond is determined based on gender. That there is a connection with one gender versus the other. A greater connection---based on gender.

Perhaps the reason for my frustration is because my daughter and I have such a great bond, always have and forever will and so I have refused to believe that that would be broken when my son entered the world. And it hasn't, it's only gotten stronger. Perhaps, for me personally, my experience has not been any different, and I do not feel any more special because I am now somehow part of that famous "boy club." Perhaps I do not understand because I've only been a mom for three and a half years. Perhaps I should not care whether someone has a greater connection with their son versus their daughter and isn't afraid to say it because it's their relationship to have, not mine. Perhaps. And all very true depending on how you look at it.

But most of all, the reason for all this is because it's something I have thought about so much since my son was born and just haven't been sure how to express it.  I just don't want other moms that are expecting to feel like these things are true about gender. Yes, maybe they will connect greater with their son, but it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a boy. Maybe they connect more with their daughter, but it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a girl. I would hope that all love and all connections are equal, but regardless on whether they are or they aren't, it certainly has nothing to do with gender.

As a society, we already place too many {ridiculous} expectations on children based on gender. Why is a bond between a child and parent have to be one of them? And certainly, why do we go around celebrating that.

You see, when I write about these sort of things, it's not because I want to point fingers or put blame.  It's because I hope to understand more. I write because it's on my heart and these things make me want to become a better mother. Because I look at these two children lying right next to me, and I just hope for a better future for them. My son likes to put bracelets on, and my daughter will battle him in cars and trucks any days of the week. They're unique because they are who they are not based on gender. Yes, I feel blessed to have a son and a daughter, but I would have been just as blessed to have two daughters, and certainly blessed to have two sons, and I would never have know any different.

I hope to understand this world more so that I can instill the right values in my own children. To show them that they are allowed to be who they want to be, and love in their own special way.To break a vicious cycle and to tear down myths that have been passed down for years.

I never want them to look at themselves based on the gender that they were born with.

I want them to look at themselves based on the person that they are and the life that they lead.

Easy Homemade Granola Recipe

I've been making homemade granola for over 6 months and there is nothing boxed or bagged that compares to it. Honestly. With each time that I make it, I add something different and take away a little more sugar. I have finally come up with a concoction that uses much less sugar and a lot more healthier options. I'm almost convinced that I could probably eliminate the brown sugar all together and it would still taste as great. Almost. I have not ventured that way just yet, but I'll let you know when I do try it what I think. For now though, I've been able to cut it in half and I have not noticed a difference from the first time making it.

Also, I used to serve it with organic vanilla yogurt and variety of fruit to the kids, but when Andrew accidentally purchased the plain kind and I was forced to use that? I truthfully preferred it over the vanilla. Not to mention it had half the amount of sugar in it. Win-Win!

INGREDIENTS:

4 Cups of Old fashioned oats
1/4 Cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup crushed walnuts {sometimes I use a cup}
1/3 cup of flax seeds {sometimes I throw in more}

1/4 cup honey {I actually fill it up only 75%}
1/4 cup of coconut oil {just preference in oil, I've used extra virgin and it tastes the same}
1 tsp vanilla

1/2 Cup dried cranberries {or any dried food of preference}

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees

2. Mix the first set of ingredients in large bowl {oats, brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, nuts, and flax seed}

3. Then heat the next 3 ingredients in a pot over medium just for a few seconds until you see it bubbling.

4. Put the liquid mixture in with the dry, mix it together thoroughly and then place in a 9x13 baking dish.

5. Cook for 40 minutes, and every 10 minutes make sure to mix the mixture. In the last 5 minutes add the cranberries.

6. Let cool briefly, then serve with yogurt and fruit! Store in a tight seal bag or container in the pantry for 1-2 weeks! {Ours never last longer than a week}.

Makes 14+ servings {depending on how obsessed you are... we are pretty obsessed over here!}
 

Suave Professionals® Moroccan Infusion Body Lotion

I'm not a big beauty product person. I don't have cabinets upon cabinets full of products. I don't buy everything that is recommended to me. And I'm even pickier when it comes to price. I'm one of those that people that gets stuck on certain items and it's hard for me to part ways. In other words, I look for really good ones, and then buy multiples of that item a year and never update. This goes for things like my shampoo/conditioner, my make up, my toothpaste, and even down to my lotion. It helps to keep things uncluttered and also leaves me with fewer options at the beginning of the day. Recently though, I have been in search of a new lotion, and I was excited to have the opportunity to test one out.

Suave®Body Care is launching products in the Suave Professionals® line, offering premium quality products in their new line. Suave Professionals® Moroccan Infusion lotion features argan oil from Morocco, an oil that is full of nutrients and antioxidants. Their goal is to give you long lasting radiant skin that doesn't feel greasy or make you look shiny.  

My thoughts on this product? Exactly just that. It felt like silk from the minute that it hit my skin, non-greasy, and lasted longer than 2 minutes. This part is what is most important to me when I test out new beauty products. Oftentimes the lotions that I try will smell good, they feel good, but then they just don't last. I didn't have this sort of problem with the Moroccan Infusion lotion. I've been using it daily since the weekend, hoping that I would find something wrong with it, but I have yet to find it. I've already made mental notes to pick up a couple more (think hoarding) next time I go to the store, and I need to remember to put it in a place where the children can't find it. Because as much as I love the product, it's only a matter of time before the kids discover it, as well.

And when they find something to make a mess of, they sure are up for the challenge.

Another reason why I need to make sure I have backups available at all times.

Find more information about the Suave Professionals® Moroccan Infusion Body Care products at www.Facebook.com/SuaveBeauty. You can even find great tips for radiant skin, get celebrity advice stylists such as Brad Goreski, and enter to win Suave Professionals® Moroccan Infusion products, a spa day or a trip to Los Angeles.

Do you want to win a $1,000 gift card? Comment below and let me know which Suave Professionals® Morocan Infusion Body Care product you would like to try for a chance to win!

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Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 2/7/2014-2/28/2014. Be sure to visit the Suave Professionals® brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ posts!