Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Looking back on 2013

Looking back.

Looking back, 2013 was an amazing year. Although Graham was born in 2012, we got to fully experience and dive into this life with two kids  business. We got to experience all the wonderful firsts with Graham, and in addition, share that joy with our oldest. We adjusted to this new life with ease and although there were hurdles, frustration, and challenges on the road, we seemed to find our way. More importantly, we found it together. 

I went back to work after 3 months of maternity leave, and to be frank, I was not sure if I was going to be able to do it. To do this whole working full time nights at a fast paced critical care unit at night, and then turning around to come home and take care of the kids, my husband, and our home. And everything else in between. How would I figure it out? How would I make it work? Would I have to switch to part time? Do I need to find a babysitter to come relieve me while I sleep? Will I sleep? Sleep....what is sleep?

So many questions, yet it came down to one simple concept--- have faith and believe in myself. I knew that I went through this hurdle once before. All the adjustments that entails taking on such a difficult schedule and wacky sleep schedule. Wacky being a complete understatement. Yes, I knew that I had done this once before, but furthermore, I knew that I could do it again.

And I did. And we made it through this year and made it work. And somehow...not exactly sure how, it seems to be easier than when I did it with just one. Perhaps that has to do with the fact that my body has gotten used to it. Perhaps I found a better schedule that works. Perhaps it's because I have an amazing mom who comes out to help when I work two nights in a row. Not sure what it is, but I sure am thankful.

As a mother, 2013 was definitely a trying year for me. Not only did we go through the changes of bringing another person into our family, but we also had to go through the trials of year 2 and 3 of toddlerhood. It is true what they say you know. Year two is definitely easier than year 3. And year 3? Well year 3 has just begun. Are there more wonderful? Absolutely. Is it trying because of them, or is it trying because of us? I would have to say that it is because of us. The parent. Me. I have to say that is trying because we, ourselves, are not accustomed to these changes, and we have flaws as human beings. It's trying because I have to question everything that I do and I have to adjust my ways in order to be the best mother that I can to these children. I have to check in with myself at night, or moments of silence where I think about every detail of every situation. I have to evaluate changes that need to be made. And I sure have to trust that I will figure it out.

I think that there were a lot of eye opening experiences and because of those experiences, I have become a better mother. A better person. And hope for an even better year to come.

As a wife, I definitely fell back in my role and put my husband on the backburner more times than I would like to admit. If I thought that making time as a couple was important when we had our first, then I surely forgot the importance when we became a family of four. It was more important than ever before, and somehow, I just could not figure out the time thing. Andrew and I finished off the year on a beautiful date, and we vowed to make more time for one another in 2014. Snuggling on the couch at night and cuddling was just not going to cut it. We love our date nights, and yet we failed to make them a priority. I have convinced myself that now that Graham is one, then it will be easier for me. That is until we introduce another baby into the mix....

And as far as this blog? This blog continued to be a wonderful blessing to me in 2013. This blog has been my space, and I am thankful that I have been able to find the time and make it a priority to not only write down my thoughts, but also my memories that I know I will cherish one day. Heck, I cherish already. If I am being completely honest though, there were definitely times that I thought I would call quits on the whole deal. Writing? No, not quitting that. But as far as opening myself to others? Yeah, that. Some days, I definitely wonder about it all, and other days, I'm in it full force. I guess that's life though, and blogging is no exception. What do I hope for this blog this upcoming year? I hope that I continue to be true to myself and write for me. I hope that I have no fear of judgment and to find a way to open myself up more. I hope that it continues to be an outlet for me, but that I will be content if it no longer is. Wherever this space takes me, I hope that I go with it.

Looking back, 2013 was probably the best year for us, yet I have a feeling that the better years are yet to come. Full of ups, and full of downs. Full of laughter and maybe a few tears. Full of confidence, and sometimes in need of answers. Definitely more ups than not, and a whole lot of blessings, love, and beautiful memories.

Looking back, I am reminded, once again, year after year, that there is a lot to be grateful for in this life. And to always, always look at the positive versus the negative. As our pastor said this past weekend: FOCUS ON THE JOY.

Looking forward, I welcome 2014 with just that: JOY.

Hello to the start of a new year.

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