To Spank, or Not To Spank. That is the Question.

To not. For us.

I wasn't going to write about this topic, as it is one of the most controversial ones in parenting. However, our family has been there and back and I thought it would be interesting to put my thoughts out there.

If you care to listen that is.

Both Andrew and I were spanked as children. We know this, not because we can remember {no worries, no traumatized children here} but because our parents told us. But if we tried to think of a slap on the hiney or an incident, we cannot come up with one. Again, not traumatized.

So naturally, when we became parents we just assumed that when the discipline time came that we would spank if we needed to. Because after all, we wanted to raise obedient children. Yes? Yes.

Well, we tried that route. A few times. We did a "trial run" as I like to call it for a couple months. To see if spanking was for us. To see if this was in fact the discipline route that we wanted to take. We never really needed to spank often, as it would be maybe once a week. It worked, I have to say. Immediate attention from the toddler. But I never felt good about it. I knew I was not physically harming my daughter, as there was never force behind the spank, however I couldn't help but feel defeated. I felt like the only person I was hurting in this situation was myself. Something about the whole spanking issue just did not feel right to me.

Sure, it worked. It worked quite well. But again, was this the best way to go about the situation?

To me, it seemed like we were taking the shortcut. The easy way out. The lazy parenting. To me, for us, and for those particular situations.

So after a few weeks of trialing this whole spanking deal, Andrew and I sat down and talked about it. Actually, it was through a number of texts, and eventually a discussion over dinner that we finally came to the conclusion that there would be "no more spanking" in our household. We wanted to test out different routes, and we felt that there was no actual benefit with spanking. Immediate attention? Sure. But was it because this was easier on us, or because it was easier on the toddler, who, after all, is just trying to explore the world, figure out boundaries, and learn from these experiences and surroundings.

The answer was simple: It was because it was easier on us.

You know, I think that parents have the decision to decide what works best for them and their family. I am not here to judge what decision you make for yours. I do not believe those that have the mindset that spanking is a form of child abuse. I was spanked as a child. My husband was spanked as a child. You were probably spanked as a child. In fact, statistics show that 90% of parents have tried spanking. Did anyone even remember getting spanked? Our parents tell stories about how they chased used around the house, yes. And everyone laughs about it. But was it abuse? Absolutely not.

But what I do think is that there are in fact other routes to take. Not that we weren't taking these routes already; such as listening charts, taking the time to talk things through with them, taking away toys, time out, and so forth. We were already doing all that. But I think we weren't believing in them, nor putting our best effort in making those options work 100%. From the beginning. We, as parents, needed to try harder.

I think that sometimes we underestimate our power as parents. How simple and easy discipline {okay maybe not easy or simple} can be if we only take the time. Something I know we {all} lack these days. Time. It's not on our side, it's not our friend, but when it comes to how we raise our children, it's something that we need to make room for. To actually sit back and keep reinforcing the time out {for the 10th millionth time}, even if there are things to get done and places to be. We needed to stop and do it anyway. Taking the shortcut, the easy route, the quick and simple, was not necessarily the successful and best learning tool for us.

So that is where we stand today. A no spanking household.

And for us, it works out okay.