My little secret.

I'm sitting in an airport. Well, actually, by the time this goes live, I will have already arrived at my location. But let's just pretend that you are sitting next to me and I'm telling you all about it---the airport.

Do you people watch? I people watch a lot. A lot. In fact, I started this post approximately 10 minutes ago and since then I have managed to glance up no less than 50 times. People intrigue me---I'm always trying to figure out their story and guess what they are like. Why? For no good reason.

I'm at an airport, what else do you do?

Usually I am the person running to my gate, so this is just a strange thing for me to have 45 minutes to spare to sit and write. I apologize in advance if I sound discombobulated because I'm running on no sleep---literally. I have worked the past 3 nights and have not yet closed my eyes since getting off work this morning at 730. You know, because I'm also the person that packs an hour before her flight.

True story---I once went to France and started packing only when my ride came to pick me up to go to the airport {which by the way we arrived like 5 hours early to}. Good thing I went with a bunch of girls {organized girls} that love to share their stuff.

Anyways, I'm at the airport.

You're probably wondering why I am at the airport and where exactly I am going. The reason I have not said anything is because it was a surprise for my dear friend's birthday. And me? Well I'm terrible at surprises. And me? Well I am pretty darn proud of myself. For a couple reasons.

1. Because I was able to keep a surprise.

2. Because I didn't back out. I always plan stuff and then back out because I hate the idea of leaving my family.

3. Because I am actually doing something for a friend.

Another thing that I want to talk about is something significant that this trip means. Possibly.

The end to our breastfeeding journey. I never thought that it would be this hard on me, but it is. It is so strange that I was more than ready when E weaned herself off at 12 months, and yet here we are at almost 18 months and I was not prepared nor ready for this change. But I guess we have no choice right?

Can I do a little confession here.

I went to Target on the way to the airport and I purchased a single manual pump. I bought it with the intention of pumping during my visit and then leaving it up to Graham when I got home to decide whether he was ready to wean or not. I went to the car, put the purchased pump in the trunk, and then decided right then and there that I would return it when I came home.

I was not going to be taking it with me.

I sit here now and I regret it. I sit here and wonder if they will have a Target nearby that I can go to tonight and purchase another one. I think about what it means to be done and I am just so ready not to be done.

Interesting enough, as I sit here, I watch a young couple with two young children. Dad has the oldest boy in his arms trying to bounce him up and down to keep him from fussing, and mom is cradling the young infant attempting to do the very same thing dad is. And I think about what they must be going through, and I think about my own family back at home, and somehow I keep thinking back to this question that I have in mind----to pump or not to pump.

I don't yet know the answer to that.

What I do know is that no one wants to hear me talk extensively about my breasts, my pump, or anything else that has to do with bodily fluids.

So with that, I depart. Waiting on my second flight to my final destination.

Jody---here I come!

Oh--and I apologize for those that thought there would be baby news on the horizon. All the baby talk kind of, sort of, maybe a little, made me think about another one.

Just for a little.