A Letter to the Newlyweds

Dear Newlywed,

Congrats. You survived the wedding process, the walking down the aisle, the {most likely} drunken person from your bridal party, and made it home {or hotel} with the person that you committed your life to, your spouse. Or, if you took the route that I did, you walked down the beach, you said your I Do's, had a lovely dinner for two, and went to bed with the person you committed your life to, your spouse. You may have even gone to the court house, signed a few papers, did a little celebration, and then went home with the person that you committed your life to, your spouse.

However which way you decided to make it happen, just know that you did. And what you did was exactly what anyone else did... make a commitment to another person. Elaborate or not, we all took that step in our lives. Now the commitments you made? That's between the two of you. I imagine though that the ultimate commitment of all was to stay together, until death do you part, through sickness and health, for better or worse, children and finances, and everything else in between.

Those everything in between? The unspoken commitments? Let's talk about mine.

I commit to revealing my spending habits {or being really good about hiding them}. Whether you decide to have a joint bank account or not, whether you share your money or not, you seem to find yourself {post marriage} talking about money in your casual conversations. And judging how the other person spends it.

"What did you buy? And how much did that cost? You spent that much on a man's haircut {and must you get one every month}?! You spent that much on a purse {must it be designer}! Why can't you leave Target with just the things that you went in to buy? Why can't you enjoy shopping and spending money the way I do? Look at the amount of coffee you drink at work honey... I could buy a new bag for that. Look at the amount of packages showing up at our door. I spend less. You spend more. No I don't. Yes you do. Okay, I do."

I commit to showering from time to time, shaving my legs, and throwing something decent on before you come home from work. It won't be often. Not nearly as often as you like. And you may half-ass it most of the time {for instance, shower but not shave}, but regardless, you make that effort occasionally because you realize that that is the closest you have gotten to dressing up in a long time. And that your husband is probably tired of seeing you in a t-shirt and sweat pants with holes on the rear end... for the third day in a row. Mind you, this is post kids ladies. No worries, newlyweds, you'll probably do more dressing up and being cute before kids. And probably after baby number one. But definitely not after baby number two. It's a deal changer in the maintenance department.

I commit to not buying mom jeans. I don't even know what mom jeans are, but my husband made me promise to never buy them. I tried to tell him that I think it's a mom butt that develops and so the jeans tend to look a certain way.. but he's convinced that it's more than that. I haven't violated this rule yet, so I guess I'm in the clear for now.

I commit to pretend to cook. Men love a home cooked meal. Whether we are good at doesn't even matter... it's the presentation. The idea of someone cooking for them. So you have to learn how to pretend when need be. You'll learn to be clever at times. Like get a takeout from somewhere, throw it in the oven, have the oven go off while the husband is walking through the door, and say "Honey, dinner is served." Throw on an apron and heals? And they'll be drooling over whatever you put in front of them. Men are predictable creatures.

I commit to doing it all. They {the men} don't expect you to do it all... but they do. Really. I think they just think that just comes with the title of wife {and mother}. It's like the house gets cleaned, the kids get their needs met, and food gets placed on the table, and it's just the easiest thing in the world. In their eyes. But I promise you, the minute that you ask them to do the same while you are out doing work or other committments? You'll come home to dishes piled up high from who knows what, because in the trash is the carry out food that they ate {for all three meals}, except they will most likely forget to feed a child at least one meal throughout the day. And speaking of said children, they probably only got 2 diaper changes {only because they smelled}, and will most likely be in their pajamas {or unmatching outfits}. And your house? Forget about it. Toys everywhere, and things placed in areas they shouldn't be. Most likely? The husband slept on the watch as well.

You're better off hiring a babysitter next time you need to go anywhere.

I commit to pretending to like sports. Except I really don't, and I no longer hide it. Football season? That consumes half a year of our lives. Steals my husband away from me every Sunday, Monday, and sometimes Thursday. Don't even get me started on the "fantasy football" talk.

And lastly, I commit to staying up until at least 10pm {most days of the week}. Oh boy. This is a tough one for me, and I'm in violation more times than not. Most nights? I end up passing out while Elliana is falling asleep. Which means like 8:30. Staying up past 10pm is for the young folks. And young, young I am not.

There you have it newlywed. Just a glimpse of some of the commitments that I have made, and the ones that I have violated. You'll make your own. They may be very similar to those stated above. They may be very different. You'll break them as I have, because it seems as though the "little things" in a relationship are the hardest to keep tabs on.

But rest assured, you will survive the first year of marriage, and the second, and the third, fourth, and 50th, if you do all things together. And I mean all. Whatever all means to you.

So again, I congratulate you on this new chapter that you have started. The great thing about it, is that you are the author, and you are in the control of how the story ends.

Make it a good one.

With love,

Just a girl married to a boy and writing her story.

Complete list of topics here 

Next week: Finish the sentence.... how well does he know you. {write a sentence or question, and have your loved one answer them}

Complete list of topics here 

Next week: Your strengths and weaknesses in your marriage

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