What's YOUR excuse

***I use words such as you and we in my writing as it is my way of writing. I write as though I am speaking to the person directly.  This is not directed to any specific person or group of people, but merely anyone who has purposefully put down another person and their successes. 

Have you ever noticed how overly-sensitive our society has become. How quick people are to point fingers at one another. How defensive one gets over a sentence, a picture, another person's success, or something as miniscule as a pinterest-inspired birthday party. The judgements. The opinions. The expert that one seemingly becomes over another person's life. You know what I'm talking about. The proclaimed excuse makers.

Well she probably has a nanny that watches her kids.
Her husband works from home.

She doesn't know what it is like to actually work.
She's never dealt with a colicky baby.

How selfish of her to not spend time with her family.

It's just her genetics.

I've had 5 kids.

Well I've had 7.

She doesn't know what it's like.

She's making me look bad as a mom, and that's annoying.

How dare she act as if I should look like that.

I actually interact with my children, thank you very much.

Spending that much money on clothes? Clearly she only cares about herself.

It's hard enough being a woman and a mom in this society, I don't need the added pressure.

I let my kids be kids, unlike her who only cares about being perfect.

She's a helicopter mom.

She's too lax of a mom.

She sucks at being a mom.

I feel sorry for her kids.

I feel sorry for her husband.

I feel sorry for her dog.

I feel sorry for her.

I have it much tougher than her you know.

I don't have that kind of time.

I would never do that.

I could never do that.

Why would I want to do that.

Nauseating right? Complainers, complainers, complainers.  I mean, whoever said that you get anything accomplished in life by complaining about it. Really. Whoever said that you shall get rewarded without putting in the hard work. Whoever said that making excuses for yourself should make someone feel sorry for you.

People have guilt. Mothers have guilt. And so they may read one sentence out of on article, and be thrown into a rant of whatever they are struggling with internally. Whether it is weight. Whether it is their finances. Whether it be marital issues, health issues, or emotional issues. Whatever it may be, they are struggling, and to watch someone else succeed in something that they may not be able to, ever, just triggers something inside of them. And then the fight begins. And it's never ending. And the ranting and back and forth one-upping the other is seriously embarrassing to watch, or in this case, read. Sometimes I have to remind myself that these are grown women {lets face it, it's always women}. That sometimes {often times} these are even mothers. Mothers with children that are bashing other women, other mothers. And you can't help but wonder what these people are teaching their own children.

Surely not the importance of respecting others.

Lets talk specifically here about the ridiculous outcry by mothers and women over the image of the mom, fit mother, with her children, ages 3, 2, and 10 months {rough estimate here}, and a caption on the photo stating "What's Your Excuse." The one that popped up on everyone's news feed. The one that had everyone waving their arms up in the air crying "How dare she!"

I saw that picture, and thought to myself "Good for her! Beautiful children! Hard work! And she should be proud." And almost kept going, until my eyes met the comments. Oh those comments. People sitting behind their computer screen, making those excuses and accusations. Here they go.

Others? They saw this picture as her bashing fat women, fat mothers, and anyone else that did not look like her, strive to be like her, and put in the hard work like her.

And that's when I just put my head down in shame. She never said any of those things. She never insinuated any of those things. Yet, here these people were ripping her down for exactly just that. Words she never said. 

Three words. 

Three words was all it took to start a mom war, women war, and downright embarrassment out of the community. Because anyone who sat there and took the time to actually bash this woman, make assumptions of this woman, make excuses for themselves, and write pity parties should be ashamed of themselves.

Look, some people will never look like that. That's okay. Look, some people will not have the time to devote to look like that. That's okay. Look, some people don't even want to look like that. That's okay.

Have I mentioned that that's okay?!

I get that. And yet, I'm not an ounce jealous, bitter, or upset by a photo of a mother with her children and three little words. Why would I be.

If I was bitter, jealous, or upset, then I surely wouldn't be blaming her. She didn't do anything to me. She didn't belittle me. She didn't talk down to me. She didn't say anything more than "What's your excuse." She didn't do anything but show me what she has accomplished.

Anything else? Then that's within me, and has nothing to do with her.

So, again, good for her!

Who are we trying to convince here by telling our story of self pity, all while tagging on that this woman is selfish, doesn't spend time with her family, and is not the mother to her children that you are to yours. You know why that picture hurt anyone? Because deep down in their stomach, they may have regrets about something that is going on in their life. Something they are struggling with. Something that may have not worked out for them. And it doesn't necessarily have to do with weight. Or it may have everything to do with weight.

Weight or not, they struggle. And they used that moment, that picture to take it out on her. A real person with real feelings. By the way.

But my question again is this: Is it this woman's fault that we struggle? Is it her fault that she accomplished something that many women and mothers may not be able to. Is it her fault that you couldn't get past a picture of a mother with her children, in shape, and see something positive. Instead the caption spoke to you, in a negative way, and the only way to defend why we don't look like that is by attacking the person that does.

Why.

Why, in life, do we resort to attacking another person for the decisions that they make, the hobbies that they partake in, or the way they live their life. Assuming that they have resources we don't, that they have genetics that we don't, that they have a life that we don't. Minimizing their accomplishments in order to make ourselves feel better.

Why.

The thing is, this mother's story is no different than when I see people complaining about mothers who throw pinterest like parties. Mothers who like to do elf on the shelf. Mothers who do cutesy homemade valentine's day crafts with their children. The critics? They bash these women for making them look bad. How dare they do all these crazy, silly, over-the-top things for their own children. How dare they try to parent however they like, do crafts whichever way they like, and throw parties however they want. How dare they.

Excuse me here, while I bluntly say, how stupid does that sound. Blaming another woman for making you look bad. Blaming a mother for doing something for her children, something that while you may not enjoy, she does, and trying to take away from her happiness. And why. Why why why.

Why.

Look, accussing pinterest, elf on the shelf, or anything or anyone else for one feeling like an inadequate mother, wife, or person, is like blaming {and suing} McDonalds for being overweight.

At the end of the day? No matter how much hate you spread, no matter how many excuses you make, and no matter who you want to blame and point fingers at... You'll still feel inadequate. Just like suing McDonalds wouldn't take the weight off, belittling another person won't make you feel better about yourself or your life. Pointing fingers, shaming, and hating does not bring upon change.

Actions do.

The question you have to ask yourself is not, What did she do. Not what did she have. Not what did she sacrifice. And surely not what is easier for her. Instead, ask yourself what you are doing, what you are sacrificing, and how you can make a difference, if not for anyone else, but for yourself.

Spread positivity.
Inspire.
Work hard.
Set goals.
Complain less, achieve more.
Compliment.
Give.
Celebrate.
Be the positive example for our children.

Because I can't help but ask.... What's your excuse not to.