Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Motherhood Guest Post; Allie @ Table for More

Hey From Mrs to Mama lovers,
My name is Allie, I blog over at Table for More,
I am a momma to 3 little men and blog about our life, clearly!
(Vincent-3. Luke-2. Jude-10 months)
I am here today as my blog love Becky is taking a break with her new precious baby Graham!:):)
When I was trying to figure out what to post I thought back to a post I did before I had
my third little man this past year.
My advice for 2 under 2.
This is perfect for Becky as she takes on baby #2 which I know she will
kick ass at! I mean she is seriously one of the best moms ever, and I have witnessed
her love for Elli when we met last year.
Becky is exactly what you would imagine from the blog, and MORE!
I am so blessed to call her a friend!
Now onto the post!
xoxo

My Advice for 2 under 2. Or two in general! haha
I posted last week about my schedule with the little men...
I wanted to get it down on the blog before all hell breaks loose Jude arrives...
I also got asked what advice I have for tackling 2 under 2...
Figured I would get that on the blog too before it becomes 3 under 3
::I am hoping the same advice and lessons still apply::
So here goes....

I not so fondly remember when I was about 25 weeks pregnant with Luke...
I was at Gymboree class with Vincent...
I noticed when I pulled in the car beside me had 1 forward facing car seat and one rear...
I was so excited because I knew there was a mom inside who had 2 little ones...
::mommy friend potential::
She had both her kids with her so I knew who she was right away...
The classes are small so I knew we would chat...
But what she said to me I will never forget....
She asked how far apart mine would be and I smiled and said "16 months"
The look on her face was priceless...she said hers were 27 months apart....
Following that she said "It's horrible...I want to pull my hair out EVERYDAY!"
She no joke went on to say how tough it was and how much work it was...
Needless to say...I steered clear of her from that day on...

Well ladies...I am NOT going to tell you anything like that....
I think that is just down right rude...
If someone tells me they are expecting close together I don't scare them...
Because let's face it....you are already a little nervous of it...

It is a lot of work...but it is a lot of work regardless of 1, 2 or 3 kids...
Any mom has days where she is stressed to the max....
::and wants a glass bottle of wine::
It is just a juggling act when you throw another in the mix....
So fret not ladies...
{I would not be having another if it were as hellish as that mom made it out to be}
Vincent and Luke are 16 months apart {Jude and Luke will be 19}

Throw out all expectations...
This was VERY HARD for me...
In my eyes I had the whole mom thing down with Vincent...
I could handle him and all the tasks of being a SAHM {I even nannied 3 kids when he was a babe}
Therefore I knew I could handle it ALL....
But when Luke came I fast realized that I needed help...
and guess what...I was far too proud in my mommy pants to ask for it...
{BIG MISTAKE}
I wanted to do everything myself {I am still this way lol} but I just did not want help...
It backfired BAD...It turned into more stress than anything...
I wasn't sleeping and pretty much wasn't functioning all because I wanted to do it all...
Once I let those expectations go, things were much easier...
The kitchen does not have to be perfect...The laundry can wait...
I really got into the groove of things and enjoyed Luke more once I chilled out...
So please take help those first weeks {months} while your settling in to 2 under 2

Handling two sets of needs at once...
I was so used to running to Vincent's every need...
but with having 2 it was not always possible...
I think it actually has helped because now one of the other has to wait...
Mommy only has 2 arms guys....
Just try your best to handle their needs, if the older one has to wait...don't feel bad! 
I found it just makes for each of them to be a little more independent!
Which is nice as they become toddlers!

Jealousy?....
I was very nervous about this one...I had no idea how the two would mesh...
From day one we let Vincent help with Luke...
Whether it be getting wipes, diapers you name it...
He loved helping and I think it helped form the bond they have now...
I included him in everything we did..
He takes the big bro gig VERY serious now...

Feeling Guilty...
I have had these moments a lot...
{and looking back it wasn't worth the stress}
Have I spent enough time with Luke or has it all been about Vincent...::vice versa::
It is impossible to have the same attention focused as you did when you only had one...
And let's face it, they do not need that much attention...
I would no joke hover over Vincent 247 haha...
With Luke I have not been able to...and guess what he is fine!:)
He is thriving and hitting every single milestone on time
{actually a good chunk ahead of Vincent}

Tired Much?...
It will be very tiring, just like it was when you had your first born...
Give yourself a break and take your time...
Things will all fall into place...
A schedule will slowly form...
The kids will all live even if you are not at full mental capacity haha...
Another time when it is great to ask for help, vent to a friend hire a sitter...
Friends are amazing, especially ones who have been in your shoes...
They will let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel...
BECAUSE...THERE IS....
Each day is a day closer to our kids growing older and not relying 100% on us! 
Ps if all else fails strap them in the car and hit up your fave coffee drive through...
Chances are they will pass out and you will have some "me" time!

Sleep Schedules:
We tried our best to make sure Vincent was sleeping as best he could before Luke arrived...
THANK GOD we did because Luke was a HORRIBLE sleeper...
But at least I only had to deal with him and not both at night! Whew!

Luke was in our room until he was 7/8 months old...
During that time we transitioned Vincent out of the nursery and into a big boy bed and room..
We then moved Luke to the nursery...
Next step will be Vincent & Luke sharing a big boy room...
We will transition them while Jude stays in our room...
eeeeeek!

Get out of the house...
This was huge for me...
I never thought it would be possible to get out more than I did with just Vincent...
But I must say we have...
SHOCKING RIGHT!?
I was so anal about traveling when it was just Vincent....
But when Luke was about 2 months old we decided to travel with Jordan for work...
Terrifying as it was...it was AMAZING...
Since then we have hit the ground running with traveling 
{it helps because Jordan travels for work and we can come}
But we also did a family vacation driving through 10 states...it was shockingly pleasant...
So get out there....and don't let the fear of 2 babes stop you from creating memories!
We also bought a double jogger {that also is a stroller, and bike carrier}
It's also just nice for a jog, walk or run around the neighborhood!
Or invite your friends to your place...host playdates...try to keep active{for your sanity haha}

Keep Communication Open...
Sometimes you may feel like your the one doing all the work...
I remember with Vincent I felt like I was ALWAYS the one changing diapers...
So one day I told Jordan how I felt...
He had no idea since I would just always change the diapers...
I wouldn't ask for help so he figured I didn't mind {when inside I was annoyed}
But once again, I didn't ask so he was clueless lol
Now I have no problems speaking up and asking...
Husbands want to help, they love their kids but I think because we are the mama bears
:and a tad over protective:
They have trouble figuring out what we want/need them to do!

PS Jordan and I love to giggle about how crazy and nuts our life is with kids...
I love having someone to share in all the ups and downs of the craziness!

Small Random Advice:
When doing the grocery: Park by the cart return!:)
It is so much easier to have the cart right there to throw the kiddos in and get them situated!

Feed your babe wherever... With Vincent I would go into a quiet place...
But when Luke came I didn't have that luxury, so I fed in whatever room Vincent was in!
It helped me keep an eye on Vincent and also to keep us all together in the same room...
I would just give Vincent a book, toy or snack to entertain him

1 on 1 time...
Vincent and I get a lot of time alone when Luke naps...
I save special messier activities for this time {baking, markers}
I also like to take one or the other to run errands...its nice to spend alone time separate!

Just walk away...
Sometimes when they are both being hellish I will just put them in the toyroom
and walk away....
Sometimes I just need 5 minutes to decompress!
PS, they love playing together...BONUS!

Mommy & Daddy Time...
This is great for the sanity...
Jordan and I plan "alone" trips to have alone time
::we rarely do date nights for this reason::
It also gives you something to focus on during the rough days...
I would no joke think "only 27 more days til we take our trip"
It's great to focus on just us and recharge for these cuties....
It may not always be perfect...
But seriously when is having kids all rainbows and butterflies!?!?
Just go with the flow!

Enjoy the little moments they share...
The bond these little men have is INSANE...
I cannot wait to watch them grow and share life moments with each other...
And when your ready...add more to the mix....
bahaha
COME ON JUDE! 

I am sure I have MISSED a ton of things...
but this is all I can come up with {lack of brain lately}
If you have any advice on handling 2 or more leave comments:)
If you have questions on something I skipped, please ask {hopefully I have an answer lol}

I hope you loved the advice, I can tell you it ALL applies to babe #3 as well.
I must say each time it gets easier!:)
xoxo

3 comments:

  1. Very good advice! Thank you for sharing! I'm having my second boy in a few months! So excited and as you mentioned it is natural to have those jitters too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
    Why American men should not marry American women

    http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

    1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

    2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above, and up to 40 percent of domestic violence victims are MALE, with their female partners INITIATING the violence)

    3. False sexual harassment charges

    4. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

    5. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children

    6. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

    A few more reasons to stay away from American women?

    -25 percent of American women take psychiatric drugs for mental illnesses.
    -25 percent of women under the age of 30 have at least one STD.
    -85 percent of divorces in America are INITIATED by women, thus women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces.
    -70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers, thus feminism is responsible for most crime in America.
    -The majority of child molestation, child abuse, and child murder in America is done by WOMEN.
    -American women are NINE TIMES more likely to murder their own children than the biological father

    Another thing I noticed, is that whenever you bring up the topic of American men marrying asian women in front of an American woman, she will make some racist and hateful comment about asian women, calling them "slaves" or "mail order brides". My question is this: If American women are so "independent", "confident", "strong", and "empowered" like they claim to be, why do they feel threatened by Asian women? Why are American women so jealous towards Asian women? The real reason is this- Asian women are 1000 times superior to American women, and any American man who has dated/married an Asian woman will tell you this.

    If you want to get married, find a nice foreign girl from Asia, or South America, or Russia/Eastern Europe. DO NOT MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

    Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.

    American women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess.

    Give American women the husband they deserve- NONE!

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

    Sincerely,
    John Rambo, Anti-feminist Soldier
    John.Rambo@crimesagainstfathers.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for the advice. Having my second in May (17 months apart). Might print this out to have to read when things get crazy ;)

    ReplyDelete


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