Things You Learn When You Own A House. And Children.

Well, I don't exactly own my children. But then again, I do.

But this post isn't about that. What it is about is the fact that 3 years {almost} into this house ownership thing, 3.5 years into marriage, and 2.5 years into motherhood... I happened to have learned a thing or two that I hope to remember in the future. To tell my children as well as myself, of what not to do, or specifically, what not to buy when you 1. Have children and 2. Have a brain {which apparently I did not... hence why this post is written}.

We will call this... Life Lessons within the Home.

1. You really can live without a microwave. Shocker. I know. Here is the thing though. One day... a while ago, our microwave decided to call it quits and die on us. What do people typically do? Well they buy another microwave. Over the stove, I mean. But us? Well we waited. And we waited. And waited. For no good reason except for the fact that as more time went by... the more we were convinced that we really didn't need it. Any guesses as to how long it took us to finally buy one {and install it}? Nine months. NINE.

After that, I could technically live in a cave. Technically.

2. Be careful when buying furniture online. Let me tell you about a girl. A girl who once ordered a coffee table set from overstock. This particular coffee table set looked nice in the pictures. Very nice. And then they came. And then we realized that you could see every little fingerprint or imperfection every time you or something touched it. So? Two years later we get rid of it. And then we get another coffee table. And by we, I mean this girl. And this girl... again turns to overstock. And again... the same thing. This girl? Me. Husband still won't let me live this one down.

3. Don't buy glass table. It gets the crustiest of crust and nastiest of nasty in the little cracks and crevices. I mean... I don't even need to explain this one, do I?

4. Don't even dare buy nice furniture. If you have children. Or planning on having children. Or a dog. How do the people with extremely fancy homes and expensive furniture have kids as well? Do they handcuff their hands and duct tape their mouths? And their butts?

Serious questions here. Because my dog has managed to put holes in so many pillows, throws, couches. And my children have managed to get bodily fluids on furniture pieces that I dare not say.

Lovely right?

Truth.

5. Just don't buy furniture, period. That is my solution to all this. Just sit in the middle of the living room and enjoy a nice family session. It will definitely save you the trouble of "baby proofing" and "bodily fluids" and "hand prints" and "holes in pillows" and every other nightmare that you never envisioned when standing in front of that salesman at the furniture store picking out the perfect sofa to place in your living room.

Why. Why. Oh Why.

The end.