Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Elliana Letter: There Are Plenty Of Fish in the Sea-- The Wisest Thing My Mother Ever Told me


Dear Elliana,

You're probably wondering why I made you turn to this page of the book. Why mama is writing to you and why there is a picture of you as a two year old. Yes, it's exactly what you think it means baby. I'm writing this letter long long before you ever knew what a boyfriend was. What love meant. And what heartache felt like. I'm writing this to you, during a time when you felt nothing but love. During a time where twirling around in the living room was your idea of fun. A time where the key to your heart was in the form of a bunny animal cracker and a chocolate chip. A time where your arms only wanted, and needed to be held, kissed, and praised. And your biggest fans, your biggest admirers, and your true loves were, and still are, being your mama and papa. And that was all you ever needed. In that time.

I know that now in your life, you may yearn for more.

And so I decided to write to you, in 2012, as you, a blonde haired, blue eyed, 2 year old lay in bed next to me, all 28 pounds of you, curled up in the most perfect ball with the most perfect smell, knowing that you would need this from me one day. Because I want to tell you I know what you are going through. That it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to not be able to picture your world ever being the same.

It's okay. It's normal. And I know how you feel.

Baby, as hard as this time may seem to be, right now. As much as you may not want to believe it, at this very moment. Trust me when I say this... there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Smile for me baby. Right now. Show me that smile. Wipe away those tears, and lift your head up.

Now listen to me carefully. Because I want to talk to you now while I'm young, while my memory is fresh, and during a time that I may understand better than say 15 years from now. So, with that being said, why don't we talk about those "fishes" in the sea.

Fish #1.

You're going to laugh when I tell you this story. Of your mother, who at the age of 13, thought she "fell in love" with her one and only prince charming. You're going to giggle and probably poke fun of me, but that's okay. Because the sole intention of this letter is to do just that. Put that beautiful smile back on your face.

You see. It was straight from a movie {except the age part}. A girl on the beach. A boy on the beach. Both awkward. Both scrawny. Both oh-to-young to ever know what love is. The boy... he goes up to the girl. The girl, shyly giggles. They lie about their age. They act way cooler than they truly are. And they are smitten. Oh so smitten. They hold hands. They listen to "Nelly" {oh sweetheart I know I'm aging myself here}, and she does everything possible to make him laugh. And vice versa. And she knew it. Right there and then. He is the one. She carves their initials in the closet of the condo {that they didn't own.... don't ever do that}, and writes in the journal... "...I met my husband, signed Becky." When they get home from vacation she jumps on her mom's bed {that would be you grandmother} and she tells her those 5 words a parent never wants to hear at that age "I'm going to marry him." Your grandmother though... she's no fool. She just stroked my hair, gave me that hollywood smile of hers, and said "sure you are honey." You know what else she said...

"There's more fish in the sea." Except in the Russian form.

So fish number one? We talked for a couple years, and yes he did indeed break my little teenage heart. I cried many many tears over him swearing that I would never find love again. "No mom, you just don't understand." And then, I was soon distracted by... fish #2.

Fish #2 was my first "real" boyfriend. He went to a different school than me. A private school, ahem. He was also a year younger. Ahem. So naturally? It didn't work out. But I mention him because... your mama {me}... well she must have watched The Notebook one too many times... because again, she found herself in a scene from a movie. A box full of his stuff. Standing in front of his house. Pouring down rain. And saying something around the lines of.... "We could have been something special."

Please tell me that made you laugh as it did me. Please promise to never say such foolish things at such a young age. Please.

And then there was fish #3. Fish number three was what one would call... the summer fling. The fling after high school and right before college. Where you think you're so old and so mature. Where I thought surely by now I knew what love was. Well, obviously by my words "the summer fling" you have probably figured out that that means it didn't work out for long. And you, my lady, are very smart. Because it didn't. And unlike the other two fishes that broke my heart because it just didn't quite work out... this one did because well... he found another fish. Ahem. Your mama was a smart cookie, and the minute her gut said go, she went.  Doesn't mean I didn't cry some big fat ugly tears over him. Doesn't mean I even contemplated for a second hearing him out {don't do that either}. Doesn't mean that I didn't go off to college with the mindset of... no more boys for me.

Because, in fact, I did just that. That last fish changed me. It made me believe that I was chasing love. That I wanted that fairytale and prince charming, and I was most definitely looking in all the wrong places. That should have been the big warning there. I was looking.

You should never look baby. It will come to you. As it did me.

Fish #4. My final fish. The one that came to me. The one that had to win me over. The one that did have that true out of the hollywood movie scene love story right before my eyes. Your father. Although, I will save this for a later letter in time {as I have another novel to write about our love story with you}, but let me just say this.... your father loved me, and showed me what true love was in all the right ways. He perfected the term and loved me harder than I ever thought possible... harder than at times I thought I ever deserved. Pure, straight from the heart kind of love. A love that no amount of words could ever describe.

And like your grandmother told me... and still likes to say to me...

"That Andrew.... he's one in a million kind of fish in the sea."

And you, my dear, will find yours one day. Don't go searching. Don't go chasing this fairytale. This movie scene kind of love. Because I promise you this, when you do find your fisheven if it may take longer, even if it requires patience and trust, just know this... You will instantly realize what true love is truly all about.

Are you smiling yet? I hope so. Now go kiss your papa and tell him thank you for marrying your mama. And then come kiss your mama and give her some warm hugs. She probably feels like she doesn't get them as much as she'd like.

I bet she'll even let you poke fun about all those fishes in the sea.

I love you baby girl. We don't ever want to see tears fall down your face.

Love,
Your 26 year old Mama, That Found Her One Fish in a Deep Sea


15 comments:

  1. This is so beautiful becky. I seriously have tears in my eyes. Elliana is going to love reading this when she is older.

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  2. Love this! I have tears too!

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  3. You did it again! You managed to write a post so amazing it had me laughing crying relating and giggling oh and almost peeping myself while hooked up to ivs lol and living this! Ellianna will treasure this forever! I need to write down my few fishies lol! The best part about this fishes is when you look back and go what was I thinking haha! I laughed right out loud over the notebook quote girl I straight up said that to a fish and thought really Summer you think that's gonna change the inevitable and when I wasn't looking I found my one in a million fish! That is awesome how your mom described it! You should read my post today! I took your advice and scheduled them to go off all this week and wrote them last week and its about princess' and frogs and imagination and growing up and well you and I are on the sane page with our girls and never ever wanting them to have a broken heart! Well my fish is beeping in lol so ill end this novel love you!

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  4. Ellianna is so lucky to have these wonderful treasures in her future!

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  5. aww yes the fish in the sea. my oldest is 16...and been rejected ...and has had to listen to my 'they were the one' stories. makes me want to hide my eyes at all the "why did i date them' moments....hahaha

    #3 is my oldest girl and 12...don't get me started with her....haha...i'm not ready for teenage girls!

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  6. So cute and true! Love that you wrote this now. I always fear that I will forget all those details of young love!

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  7. Awww!! I LOVE this post!!!! I even tested up a little!! I don't want to think about Olivia's heart getting broken but it will happen :(

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  8. Your posts are always so amazing and inspire me long before I'm a mama myself! You are the sweetest.

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  9. This one one of my favorite posts you've ever written. Can I steal this idea? I just love it for my daughters...this was truly.beautiful and definitely beneficial!!! thanks for sharing...and Eliana will thank you too! Your a great mom!! xo

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  10. Such a sweet letter...something your daughter will appreciate so much one day. Loved it.

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  11. I don't even have kiddos, yet and you have me balling! Such a sweet, sweet letter.

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