May We All Remember to... Just Dance

If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I thought that a daughter of mine would be standing on tippy toes and twirling in a tutu, I would have never believed you. One, because I just couldn't have imagined what it would be like to have a daughter. And two, because the things that I was interested in as a child never came close to anything involving a tutu or ballet shoes.
Now, let me just preface by saying that I am not a girly girl type girl. And what I mean by that is I never did dance myself nor shown any interest in it, so being a "dance mom" and "dance recitals" is all new to me.

Also? I don't take it very seriously.

So much so, that I'm pretty sure E was one of the only girls with no makeup on and her hair was not in a perfect hair sprayed bun. The lady even came over to me to ask me if I wanted her to fix E's hair? She completely caught me off gaurd, that it took me a brief moment to even open my mouth. "No, thank you." What do you mean fix her hair, I thought to myself. I think it is perfect just the way it is.

Anyways, off course already. Like I said, I don't take this whole dance thing too seriously. Not to mention, she's my baby. She's two.

So we had first heard about the recital on week 2 of dance class. From the looks of how dance class was going already {you know, Elliana staring at herself in the mirror and sometimes, accidentally, hitting her tap shoes against that said mirror}, I assumed that it would just be a clustered mess. But. How could a mom ever say NO to her baby's first dance recital? So you want me to write a check for some dance outfits that they will only wear once? Sure, why not! All while thinking... this better be a darn good show.

Regardless, I was counting down the days.

When the day arrived that we had the recital, I again, 8 weeks into this gig, thought that it was going to be a clustered mess. In fact, we were not even able to attend the practice rehearsal, as we were out of town the week that they had it.

After arriving to the studio, Elliana was intrigued to see so many little girls around her. She stood around kind of taking it all in for a moment, and kept to herself. This is the part where I had mentioned at the beginning. Where I, the non-dancer mom, is trying to get her outfit put on and hair perfectly well done. Well, you know, in my eyes.

Andrew ended up meeting us at the studo after work, and you can tell his was just as surprised, as I was, to see his little baby looking like a beautiful little girl. We both kind of stood there speechless for a couple moments. Reminding ourselves... we created this. She is ours.

The girls soon lined up, and Elliana just stood there. Again, looking around her. Not sure of what was to come. At this point, I was sure that she wouldn't go on stage. Or that she would want me to go wtih her. The crowd, the noise, the unknown, were just a few of the things that I thought would scare her off.

But I was wrong. Yet again.

She walked up on stage. Standing straight up there looking out into the crowd. Right next to the teacher. And as the music turned on and the instructor proceeded to ask the girls to do certain steps and moves. She did it. And it was by far one of the cutest things I ever did see. Up there, our baby, on a stage. I would have never been able to imagine that 2.5 years ago when we first held her in our arms.

It was short and sweet, and as the show ended and Elliana heard the loud clapping and cheering from the audience, she lit up. And she ran into my arms and she said "Mama I did it." And when it was over, all she kept saying was, "I dance again, lets do it again."

She had fun. She loved it. That is all I could ever ask for.

And so we ended the night. Our first dance recital night.

Actually, it's Elliana's night. But just as equally, it is also ours. Because it's a big deal to us. Us parents. Seeing another first in our daughter's life. Watching her learn and light up on stage. It's our moment to be proud. Not because she did the right moves or that she mastered a certain dance. But because she is ours, and we are proud of that.

No matter what she does in the world or how great she is at what she does, it will never change the fact that we our proud.

And I hope she always remembers that.

Elliana Lately

It is so hard for me not to keep up with what E is doing these days because she keeps surprising us and doing more, talking more, and just plain growing more, that I do not want to miss a single beat or milestone. I know that in the future these little things will make me smile. And hopefully, will have the same effect on our daughter.

Elliana,

This is what you have been up to:

You learned to ride her tricycle by herself. Mama had bought this for you after baby brother was born because you were just an exceptional big sister and we knew you deserved it. Because of the crummy weather, we had only been able to practice with it indoors and you really enjoyed it. However, you struggled with the concept at the beginning. And then, one day, you just got on it an went. Mama and papa of course recorded it and now we go out every day riding your little bike. You even love your helmet!

Learned to spell {besides your name} things like: cat, dog, mama, papa, at, bat, hat, fish, milk, box, boy, girl, no, go, so, apple, good, book, look, red, run, fun, and more. Since recognizing that you are picking up the spelling part so well, we are currently focused on this more and more during our little school sessions.

Other things we are learning: days of the week {which you have mastered}, months of the year, telling time.

You are definitely thinning out and losing the little amount of baby fat you had left. In fact, I don't think you have gained weight in over 6 months. This makes mama kind of sad... validation that you are in fact becoming a little girl versus a baby.

Potty Trained! I wrote a big post about this a while back. We are SO proud, still.

Eating well overall {knock on wood}. Still have your favorites, but enjoying veggies a little more. You hate textures though, just like your mama. In love with carrots, and bananas.

Speaking of bananas... you ask for one every time you wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it is 2 am, sometimes 4, we get lucky when it's at 6am. But every time you get one, you eat it and go right back to sleep. It's strange, I get it, but I cannot wait for you to grow up {well I can}, just so I can tell you this funny little thing that you did. Who asks for a banana at 2 am anyway? Ahem.

You always request "we eat cereal together, mama" in the morning. Every time. I have to say, I am pleased to hear that you love to share the table with me and enjoy some yummy o's.

Super Why live performance. This was your first ever live performance, and to say that we all had a blast would be an understatement. We had such a great time that your mama even wrote a whole post about it {fast forward a few pages}. We cannot wait to take you to more shows!

When you get into Graham's face {multiple times a day}, you love to squeeze his cheeks and say "Gooo goo gaahh gaahh, la la la la." I wonder where you saw that?

You love toddler time, and we go anywhere from 2-3 times a week. You are still super shy with the teachers and tell them thank you under your breath every time. You also have to have mama sit with you. I don't like to use the word shy, as I think that you are special and just quietly reserved. And that is okay and we embrace it.

You have a friend that you are in love with. We see her sometimes every day and you ask about her all the time! You two are so cute together, hugging, holding hands, and giggling at everything the other one does. She is 9 months younger than you, but as you guys get older, the age gap is basically non-existent. It's so fun to watch you two together, and I can see future slumber parties. One thing that I dream for you, my sweet girl, is a close strong group of friends. It is so important to surround yourself by good people. But for now, I guess you just want a fun sandbox friend.

Speaking of sandbox, we set one up for you and you are obsessed! I have a feeling that you will enjoy the beach that much more this year! Hoping.

Have I mentioned how much you love your baby brother? You do. A lot.

You started calling me "Mommy." No more mama. I try to correct you, but you giggle and then repeat mommy over and over again. I love it though. It's sweet coming out of your mouth.

Lets talk about sleep. Since mama went back to work from maternity leave, we take family naps. At bedtime though, we lay down to you while you go to sleep. A new thing that you are doing while you are falling asleep is kicking. And tossing. And turning. And more kicking. It's not intentional, but after hitting your papa in the head one too many times, he's not too pleased with it. But once that thumb goes in your mouth, the twirling of the hair starts, and the eyes quickly follow.

I know I am missing out on so much more, but again, these updates will just keep coming. I have no intention of stopping. It's my way of holding on to these precious memories and milestones.

We love you, to the moon and back, over and over again.
Love,
Mama & Papa

Elliana Letter: There Are Plenty Of Fish in the Sea-- The Wisest Thing My Mother Ever Told me

Dear Elliana,

You're probably wondering why I made you turn to this page of the book. Why mama is writing to you and why there is a picture of you as a two year old. Yes, it's exactly what you think it means baby. I'm writing this letter long long before you ever knew what a boyfriend was. What love meant. And what heartache felt like. I'm writing this to you, during a time when you felt nothing but love. During a time where twirling around in the living room was your idea of fun. A time where the key to your heart was in the form of a bunny animal cracker and a chocolate chip. A time where your arms only wanted, and needed to be held, kissed, and praised. And your biggest fans, your biggest admirers, and your true loves were, and still are, being your mama and papa. And that was all you ever needed. In that time.

I know that now in your life, you may yearn for more.

And so I decided to write to you, in 2012, as you, a blonde haired, blue eyed, 2 year old lay in bed next to me, all 28 pounds of you, curled up in the most perfect ball with the most perfect smell, knowing that you would need this from me one day. Because I want to tell you I know what you are going through. That it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to not be able to picture your world ever being the same.

It's okay. It's normal. And I know how you feel.

Baby, as hard as this time may seem to be, right now. As much as you may not want to believe it, at this very moment. Trust me when I say this... there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Smile for me baby. Right now. Show me that smile. Wipe away those tears, and lift your head up.

Now listen to me carefully. Because I want to talk to you now while I'm young, while my memory is fresh, and during a time that I may understand better than say 15 years from now. So, with that being said, why don't we talk about those "fishes" in the sea.

Fish #1.

You're going to laugh when I tell you this story. Of your mother, who at the age of 13, thought she "fell in love" with her one and only prince charming. You're going to giggle and probably poke fun of me, but that's okay. Because the sole intention of this letter is to do just that. Put that beautiful smile back on your face.

You see. It was straight from a movie {except the age part}. A girl on the beach. A boy on the beach. Both awkward. Both scrawny. Both oh-to-young to ever know what love is. The boy... he goes up to the girl. The girl, shyly giggles. They lie about their age. They act way cooler than they truly are. And they are smitten. Oh so smitten. They hold hands. They listen to "Nelly" {oh sweetheart I know I'm aging myself here}, and she does everything possible to make him laugh. And vice versa. And she knew it. Right there and then. He is the one. She carves their initials in the closet of the condo {that they didn't own.... don't ever do that}, and writes in the journal... "...I met my husband, signed Becky." When they get home from vacation she jumps on her mom's bed {that would be you grandmother} and she tells her those 5 words a parent never wants to hear at that age "I'm going to marry him." Your grandmother though... she's no fool. She just stroked my hair, gave me that hollywood smile of hers, and said "sure you are honey." You know what else she said...

"There's more fish in the sea." Except in the Russian form.

So fish number one? We talked for a couple years, and yes he did indeed break my little teenage heart. I cried many many tears over him swearing that I would never find love again. "No mom, you just don't understand." And then, I was soon distracted by... fish #2.

Fish #2 was my first "real" boyfriend. He went to a different school than me. A private school, ahem. He was also a year younger. Ahem. So naturally? It didn't work out. But I mention him because... your mama {me}... well she must have watched The Notebook one too many times... because again, she found herself in a scene from a movie. A box full of his stuff. Standing in front of his house. Pouring down rain. And saying something around the lines of.... "We could have been something special."

Please tell me that made you laugh as it did me. Please promise to never say such foolish things at such a young age. Please.

And then there was fish #3. Fish number three was what one would call... the summer fling. The fling after high school and right before college. Where you think you're so old and so mature. Where I thought surely by now I knew what love was. Well, obviously by my words "the summer fling" you have probably figured out that that means it didn't work out for long. And you, my lady, are very smart. Because it didn't. And unlike the other two fishes that broke my heart because it just didn't quite work out... this one did because well... he found another fish. Ahem. Your mama was a smart cookie, and the minute her gut said go, she went.  Doesn't mean I didn't cry some big fat ugly tears over him. Doesn't mean I even contemplated for a second hearing him out {don't do that either}. Doesn't mean that I didn't go off to college with the mindset of... no more boys for me.

Because, in fact, I did just that. That last fish changed me. It made me believe that I was chasing love. That I wanted that fairytale and prince charming, and I was most definitely looking in all the wrong places. That should have been the big warning there. I was looking.

You should never look baby. It will come to you. As it did me.

Fish #4. My final fish. The one that came to me. The one that had to win me over. The one that did have that true out of the hollywood movie scene love story right before my eyes. Your father. Although, I will save this for a later letter in time {as I have another novel to write about our love story with you}, but let me just say this.... your father loved me, and showed me what true love was in all the right ways. He perfected the term and loved me harder than I ever thought possible... harder than at times I thought I ever deserved. Pure, straight from the heart kind of love. A love that no amount of words could ever describe.

And like your grandmother told me... and still likes to say to me...

"That Andrew.... he's one in a million kind of fish in the sea."

And you, my dear, will find yours one day. Don't go searching. Don't go chasing this fairytale. This movie scene kind of love. Because I promise you this, when you do find your fish, even if it may take longer, even if it requires patience and trust, just know this... You will instantly realize what true love is truly all about.

Are you smiling yet? I hope so. Now go kiss your papa and tell him thank you for marrying your mama. And then come kiss your mama and give her some warm hugs. She probably feels like she doesn't get them as much as she'd like.

I bet she'll even let you poke fun about all those fishes in the sea.

I love you baby girl. We don't ever want to see tears fall down your face.

Love,
Your 26 year old Mama, That Found Her One Fish in a Deep Sea

Some tid-bits on Elliana {28 months}

We won't call this a "monthly update" post, since I promised I wouldn't do those after she turned two. I also promised that I would never count after "24 months." Yup. Then again, I promised not to buy chocolate chips ever again because I just eat them by the handful.

So. About those promises?
What's going on with E these days......

Hey baby girl....

We recently purchased you a baby stroller and you have become obsessed with the thing. In fact, the first day that you had it, you pushed that thing around everywhere with you. You tried to also stuff every animal you owned into it. Needless to say, mama has also bought a "baby bed" for you and cannot wait to see the look on your face when it comes.

You love boots. You comment on the boots that other people are wearing {grandma, mama, auntie, and so forth}. You also love your own boots and putting them on. You will take them out of your closet and put them on and say "look mama, look at me boots."

Your baby brother? You adore. You kiss on him so much. You stroke his hair. You lay down on the play mat. You ask him to play with you. You even tried to breastfeed him. Yes, true story. I know I must be making you blush right now. But picture this. You, sitting on your bedroom floor, while Graham lays there. You lift your shirt up, then proceed to lean down and tell him "eat baby brother, eat." I couldn't {but could} believe what I was seeing.

Lately, you have this sneaky smile when you have something in your hand that you aren't supposed to, or a snack that you snuck out of the pantry.. But you come to me first, which I think is funny.

Love to help mama crack eggs when she's cooking. Love to especially help me cook.

Playing "house" with the animals. Pushing them in the stroller. Tucking them in. Maybe this has to do with the baby coming, no?

Music. You love it. You love to listen to the pandora station with mama and dance. You also love to play your piano that you have and you use this kitchen spatula as your "fake keyboard" while you sing. It has got to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Some if your favorite songs to sing: We belong together, If you're happy and you know it, twinkle little star, you are my sunshine, wheels on the bus, row row row your boat.

Something your papa and I cherish is the time when you wake up. Although there have been a few times that you have woken up super upset, the majority of the time you sneak up on us with that ridiculous bed head, rosy cheeks, and the biggest smile on your face as you say in the sweetest voice ever, "Hi mama. Hi papa." I literally scoop you up and drown you with kisses. You taste so sweet. So warm. And then, as always, we ask you... "Did you have sweet dreams baby?" In which you reply, "Ya mama {or papa}" and then we ask "Well, what did you dream about," and as always... you say..."Silly goose, Ma, I dream about Caillou." We giggle each time.

Speaking of sleep... you are doing wonderful! You lay down by yourself now for naps {after mama reads to you}, and night time you still need mama to lay down with you... but you rarely wake up in the middle of the night, and if you do, its only once. Fingers crossed this pattern continues...

Food. You are doing wonderful in this department. Eating just about everything we give you, and I am so proud of your diet and how well you do with various foods. Of course you have your "favorites" which are pretty classic for all kids: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pancakes and waffles, grilled cheese, mac n cheese, yogurt and granola, and cottage cheese with preserve. Those are your special treat days when you get those. You are also finally liking chicken {yes}.

When Carson ran away a couple times while going potty you yelled at him to "Come back" then pats him and says "Good boy, come get treat"

Continue to LOVE to read. So much. Now though you are really enjoying reading to yourself these days. And the books that we read every night to you? You read right back. You have them memorized and it has to be the cutest thing ever. Some of your favorite books are: I love you through and through, Uh-Oh-Calico, 10 tiny tickles, How Do I love you, and all our library books we get every where. You obsess over.

Love craft time. Gluing. Painting. Coloring.

Also, very into sticker books. We have been working on your "listening" and using the stickers as a reward. Once you reach 10 you get a chocolae chip. This seems to work. For the most part.

So smart. I know I know. Every parent thinks their kid is so smart. I think you are so smart because I am so proud of how much you have learned, how much you continue to learn, and how much you love our little "school time sessions" and random learnings throughout the day. More random now than ever. It is amazing that you recognize all the letters of the alphabet, both lowercase and uppercase, and even the sounds. We will be spelling before we know it... ha. You sentences are so thought out, and it is just so fun to communicate with you. You have quite the opinion these days... and this, well this, makes us giggle.

Outside is where you shine. You can kick a soccer ball so well. I cannot wait to get you into soccer. And no, your mama never did play. Your papa was a goalie though his senior year of college. I think he's just as excited as I am to watch you play one day.

Terrible twos? Knock on wood... but they haven't been so terrible. Not at all. Not one bit. The first month after you turned two, I think, was the toughest. Now, we have learned how to deal with your tantrums. We have incorporated a listening chart, that works {sometimes}, we do the time out, and of course we take toys away. Slowly, but surely, we are getting the hang of this "two" stage and I think you are too.

As much as I hate to watch you grow up and be less of a baby, I absolutely love all these different stages and developmental milestones that we are reaching with you. It is so amazing to have you wrap your arms around us, tell us how you are feeling, give us kisses volunatarily, and tell us how much you love us.

"How much, baby?"

"Soooo much, mama."

"How much is so much?"

...."Infinity amount."

A Moment At the Children's Museum

1.22.13

It is no surprise that since the birth of our son Graham, that our little world has gone through many changes. Changes in sleep. Changes in our schedule and routine. Changes in how we operate as a whole. Who takes this duty. Who takes that duty. Changes period. Our wake up times. What we do during the day. The extra obligations.

I was worried about these little changes and how they would affect Elliana. We were so used to keeping busy, being active, and trying out new activities that I was worried we wouldn't be able to continue this as part of our every day. At least not in the beginning... and certainly not for a while.

I honesty didn't think I would leave the house with confidence for a good 6 months. Honestly.

I quickly realized how wrong I really was.

As soon as we brought Graham home, I knew right away that being cooped up in the house wasn't going to do anyone any good {except Graham}. I struggled with the battle of keeping Elliana isolated in our home for Graham's sake and taking Elliana out in public so that she can continue her "norm."

What sealed the deal for me was when we went to our first doctor's appointment at two weeks old {just me and the kiddos} and Elliana was such an angel that I felt like I needed to reward her in some way. I just needed to do this for her. And I knew just what would bring the biggest smile on her face.

Those stinkin' ridiculous large and obnoxious grocery "car" carts.

And I was right. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, she beamed with excited. "Mama, mama, mama, caaaaarrrr!"

Forget the fact that I wasn't sure how I was going to go about this with a newborn. Forget the fact that I  was slightly scared {for my life} and surviving this adventure. Forget any fear and concern I could have. In that moment, that smile and excitement was all the strength I needed.

And after surviving that day? That little "trip" out? I knew that we could do it. That I could do it. And that I needed to be strong for my baby. To find the appropriate places to go, when to go, how to cover up the baby {to keep him safe} and at the same time provide my first baby the opportunity to explore the world.

We continued with gymnastics classes and more trips out to the grocery store. We went outside every opportunity we could get {which has only been a few days as the temperature has dropped in the single digits}, had park and "play" dates, and we returned to attending toddler class at the library again.

So when a friend of mine invited us to join her and another mama to the Children's museum, I beamed with excitement "YES!"

Afterwards though, I admittedly felt a little nervous. This was slightly a bigger adventure that I would be taking on all on my own and required a lot of planning. Knowing when to feed and change baby and keep him awake prior so he would sleep through it all. Making sure Elliana got plenty of sleep the night before, and well rested and fed so that she wouldn't tire out by the time we got there. Making sure I had every thing in a small diaper bag for every possible scenario that could occur with a newborn and toddler in tow. Any and every.

But I was determined to do it. And once I set out to do something, there's no stopping me.

And we went. And it was amazing, and I held back tears every time my baby girl ran from one activity to the next, beaming with excitement, the biggest smile on her face, all while exclaiming "Mama cool huh?!" Yes baby. Very cool.

What made this trip so memorable for me during this great time with friends {and their husbands} was when we reached the carasoul ride. I asked the guys if they would mind sitting with the baby stroller while I went with the girls and our babies on the ride. Of course they didn't mind. And while I stood in line waiting for our turn, I stared at my girl. My big girl.

I couldn't believe that I was able to do this with her. That I was holding her in my arms and I was going to take her on this ride {even though she had been on it ten million times before}, and share this moment with her.

I know it may sound absolutely minor and one may not understand why this little moment meant something... but trust me when I say, it did. And it does.

I was able to reflect in that moment. The past 3+ weeks since Graham's arrival. Everything we had been through. Everything she had been through. And in that moment I was so thankful that I was able to do this for her. To give her the opportunity to still live "her normal" even after we rocked her little world around. To share these moments with her.

Something about that carasoul ride. It just did it for me.

And after two hours of fun and running around, I found myself in the car feeding and changing the little guy while the toddler snacked on her favorite "bunnies."

And as she exclaimed "Mama so fun" I just knew that I had made the right choice. I was doing something right. And I wouldn't let my fears ever take over again.
*****

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Elliana Lately, 26 months.

1.08.13

Elliana,

I know that we stopped doing our little monthly updates once you turned two, but I still like to get in here once in a while and update what has been going on with you, us, and our family during this stage in your life. What stage ma? Oh you know, just that very vital toddlerhood stage.

You are so so smart. You amaze us every day with the things you know and you are constantly learning. Because of this, I am always looking for new ways to fill your brain.

I have had trouble trying to find things to teach you {silly, as there is a world of things to learn}, because you already mastered your letters and numbers and shapes and colors. But we have found quiet a few things to work on recently.

Now we are learning what sounds the letters make and trying to figure out what letter each word begins with. I can tell that this will take us some time, as it is not an easy task. You have been doing a lot of memory activities as well and you do wonderful with that. We have one on the computer that we do, and you sure have better memory than your old mama over here! We continue to do more and more flashcards and learning in general. Learning about animals that your mama didn't even know that existed. I absolutely adore school time with you as it's so fun to watch you think. Did you know your mama used to want to be a teacher? For a long long time. Sometimes I think about wanting to homeschool you {your papa is very against}, but I know that you would thrive in a school setting.

You love other kids and always run to the window when the bus drives by as you yell "School bus" and then "Kids" when you see them get off the bus. All while having the biggest smile on your face.

You are such a little mommy! It's so interesting to me, because before your brother was born? You never showed interest in dolls or even stuff animals. Toward the end of my pregnancy, you started liking stuff animals and would carry them around. And since brother was born, you have become a little miniature mama. You will talk to your dolls and animals like they are your babies. You try to "breastfeed" them, which still makes me giggle each and every time. You even sit there while I will pump and "pretend" like you are pumping. "Elli pumping," you say. Your papa just shakes his head. You, on the other hand? Have the biggest grin on your face.

Sleep has been an issue with us lately. Well, since August. Since the day you decided to climb out of the crib really. Then we were doing fine for a while, and since your brother was born we are back to having a sleeping "situation" as I like to call it. I will write more in depth on this later {I did already actually}. Lets just say we are all learning. And it's getting better. We have a plan.

Love craft time at home {and library}. We are practicing coloring within the lines, and you have been doing SO well!  You do great with a glue stick and putting shapes together. You also love cooking in your kitchen. Santa was so smart when he brought that for you for Christmas.

Started gymnastics. Definitely the oldest in the group so the most advanced. Wish I would have started you in the 2.5 year old group, but you aren't that age yet and it's not a "parent and me" class... and well... I'm not ready to let go just yet. You have done so well in this class and really make us more and more proud every week. I absolutely adore doing activities with you and I am looking forward to signing you up to dance class, swim lessons, and then soccer in the fall!

Something I want to make note of about gymnastics class is your love for stamps at the end! Your coach has you all sit in a line and patiently wait for your stamps that are then put on your arms. Oh man baby girl you live for these stamps. After you get them you run to mama and papa and show them off. We talk about it all the way home in the car. And then all week you will look down on your arms and say "Uh-oh where stamps go?"  It is the cutest thing ever and I told your papa we just had to write this down and remember for when you are a teenager... oh the little things ;)

Tantrums. I think we are going up {getting better} with these. I don't want to jinx myself, but this past month you have really started listening more and we don't have to tell you multiple times to do something {well we do, but not as often as we used to}. You have also learned the importance of listening to mama and papa in public, especially when we are doing something fun, and know that if you don't practice your "listening skills" that we go home. I can't say that we are out of the dark. I'm sure we will have many more hard times to come in this area of being a toddler, but it's looking up, and I'm proud of you for that.

Mama is looking into preschool for you. That is serious business right there. I want nothing but the best for you... and at the same time... it's so hard for me to trust others. Not just to protect you and keep you safe... but to be kind and loving to you. It's hard on me.

Eating better. Unfortunately, the only way we have figured out to do dinner is to bribe you with Caillou. I know, i know, very hard for me to admit. But I want so bad for you to eat those vegetables gosh darn it! And you do :)

Not a fan of the snow. But I have already written about that more in depth.

Potty training. This is a whole post that I am saving for later. But to touch up on it here... we are working on it. I am hoping that we will be trained before mama goes back to work in a couple months. But the reason I mention it here is because of something funny you did. One day, while mama was feeding your baby brother, you ran out of the room. When I stepped out of the nursery I saw the little wet spot by the door as you came rushing to me with... the RESOLVE carpet cleaning bottle in your hand. "Here mama." Ha. I couldn't help but giggle.

You still suck your thumb and twirl your hair at the same time. This is your soothing mechanism. You never had a pacifier and you don't have a "lovie." We will however be trying to quit the sucking thumb deal once you turn 3. We have a ways to go.

I could still write and write and write, because the truth of the matter is that beyond the tantrums, beyond the sleeping issues, being the disobedience that we run into from time to time, you are such a happy, loving, full of energy and LIFE child and you continue to amaze your papa and I each and every day. You give the biggest hugs and the sweetest kisses and we are so grateful and honored to know you, love you, teach you, and make memories with you. The best big sister in all the land, and the cutest little thing to ever stand. And that my dear is mama rhyming to you.

We LOOOOOVE you SOOOOOOO much. Just like we say it to you. so much.

Love,
Your Best Friend. "Bess Fend"

Use Those Opportunities. Use Those Moments.

There are times in the day that you are running around trying to get the house in order, juggling one child to the next, tackling different responsibilities, working as a team with the husband, and trying to meet everyone's needs. All at the same time. Times like this that take precious minutes and even hours out of your day. Times like these that we don't even stop and think. Think about what these precious minutes mean.

To take them and use them. Them.

I'm referring to those extra few minutes. You know after you have gotten out of the shower in the morning and the husband has the baby on his chest and the toddler is following you around? That time.

Use it.

Use it to look down at them and give them those extra hugs and kisses. Yes, you will do it again 500 more times that day, but you soon realize that it's 500 less than before you had baby number two. So get as close to that 1,000 again as you possibly can.

Use it to let her help you put make up on your face as you get ready. And while you kneel down and close your eyes preparing yourself to look like a clown {don't worry, makeup remover does wonders}, be sure to tell her how beautiful, special, and smart she really is. Because she is, and she needs to hear it from you.

Use it to go sneak into her room, close the door, and let her pick out her favorite books to read. The ones where you get to tickle her fingers and toes. The ones that make her eyes pop and say "Oh wow, cool huh mom." Those. Read them.

Use it to play peek-a-boo as you put your clothes on. Hide and seek as you go through your underwear drawer. Ask her which shirt she likes on you more. Even if it's not the one you would choose... wear it anyway.

Use it to take your high heels out and let her try them on. And while she giggles and smiles at you thinking that you are the silliest mama in the whole entire world... look at her. Really look at her. 

Look at her features. Look at her small button nose. Those beautiful big blue eyes. The fluorescent skin. The hair that falls perfectly around her face. Really look at this child that you gave birth to. That you have watched grow. The one that is now a big sister. Do you know what that means, Becky?

She looks bigger doesn't she? Somehow grew overnight. Just like that. And although she will forever be your baby... she is slowly needing you less and less as time goes on.

And while you wipe away tears just soaking in these precious moments that go by too fast, remember that our children are watching us. Even while we are running around, even while we go about our busy lives. They are watching, learning, and needing our attention. Even during those mundane times like when we are getting ready. Use those moments. Those minutes.

Just to stop and give them a quick kiss. To say I love you. To tell them how beautiful and special they are.

Those things? Take seconds.
But they will remember them forever.

Another Elli Video. "Woops"

This one is from a couple of weeks ago. Elliana got a hold of my phone and started recording. Funny part is... Graham lets out a little something and her reaction is just classic.

The first time I saw this video... I watched it on over and over about 20 minutes and laughed hysterically. It still makes me laugh every time I see it.

Happy Friday

A Time I Cherish with Elliana

Since Graham entered this world and our lives, things have obviously changed in our family. How we do things. How we plan our day. How we divide duties around the house. How we function as a whole. 

It's no surprise that Elliana is a major part of that "whole," our day, and our hearts. Therefore, it was very important to me that when we made changes in our schedule and lives that we did so with her in mind.

One of the things, rather a special time, that I cherish with Elliana is sleep time. This includes both naps and night time. I've mentioned before that this past August we had a major shift in Elliana's sleeping patterns. We went from crib, to our bed, to her big girl bed, to now a mix of both. But something that stayed consistent during the past 6 months and during all the changes in sleeping patterns, was that Andrew or myself always put her to bed. Always.

So when Graham came, I wondered how we would work around this important aspect of our daughter's life. What I did know for certainty was that I didn't want to eliminate it. It was a time that was important for her. It was a safety net for Elliana. It was also a time that I cherished most with her.

And with our world completely changing, I wanted and needed this time with my precious girl.

We have made it work.

From the day we brought Graham home, I have been able to put Elliana down for a nap and bedtime. Each and every day/night. And I have honestly cherished it more than ever before.

The first night, I'll admit it... I cried while I held her. Just taking everything in. Realizing how things had changed. Yet at the same time, holding on to the one thing, one person that has remained stable in our lives. It hit home.

After that, we just made it work. At the end of the day, it's my "me" time with my girl. Sometimes we lay in bed for 10 minutes and she passes out. Sometimes it's more like 45 minutes. Sometimes we just lay there and hold each other. Sometimes, we just sing songs and giggle and act like goofballs. Sometimes we recap our day.

But always we whisper ten too many I love you's, and always it feels so comforting to be there for my daughter as she closes her eyes to fall into a deep sleep.

Always, I will cherish this time with her. Always.
-----

Tomorrow, I will talk more in depth on our sleep situation. The later in the night sleep situation.

Don't Cwy Little Guy

This is all the time.
If he starts making a PEEP, she stops what she is doing and runs to him.
"Don't CWY little guy!"
"Don't CWY"

And
"I'm coming little guy, I'm coming!"

And she caresses him. Holds his hand. And tells me all about little guy, or little brother, or baby brother. It seriously is the most heart melting thing in the world.

Happy Sunday.

The Big Sister. The One That Showed Us Love Does Grow.

written 1.01.13

I've mentioned before how amazing Elliana has been as a big sister. I will keep saying it. Because I am so proud. Because I want her to remember how thankful her mama and papa were during this time of our lives. Because I want her to know how much our hearts grew, not only for her little brother, but for her.

How could it even be possible? To love this little girl more than I already do? She pulls at my heart strings. She lights up my life. She has brought so much happiness into this world.

So to see her as a big sister with so much love in her heart? It makes me feel complete. This little girl that has just been our only child for the past 2 years now has to share us with someone else. And she? Well she makes it look easy.

Thank you Elliana, for being you. For showing us that love does grow, and that it grows in large amounts. Your brother is so lucky to have you. As you are to have him. But the luckiest of all....

Your mama and papa.

First Snow 2012

Before little man made his grand appearance, a few days before Christmas, we got to experience the first snow day of the year. Something, that in all honesty, I didn't think we would be able to experience at all this year. With all the crazy whacky weather fluctuations, I was convinced that there would be no snow this year.

Boy was I wrong.

Elliana wasn't a huge fan. She loved to look at it, but did not want to throw a snow ball or touch it for any reason. I would say that this was definitely fitting for her personality.

I'm happy to report that since the first snowfall we have had a few more and the most recent one, she actually let me throw a snowball at her. Once or twice. She gave me the look. That's for sure.

But still let me.

And we built two snowmen. One for Elliana and one for baby Graham. Hats. Carrot nose. And all. Even crackers for eyes. And then we forgot about the mouth and the sticks for arms.

Mom fail.

One day.

The difference between the two labor and deliveries

Before my labor, during, and after, I couldn't help but think about how similar yet different my two birth experiences were with my son and daughter. I want to go ahead and jot some of these differences/similarities down so I can closely compare the two.

Would I change anything about either one? Absolutely not.

I think I had two very beautiful birth experiences and I am happy for their differences as I am really able to look back on both days and smile.

Both= Green
First= Pink
Second= Blue

With my both pregnancies, I had "false alarms." With both pregnancies when I went to the hospital, I was told that I wasn't in "active labor." With both pregnancies, they kept me due to my "favorable cervix." With my first pregnancy, I delivered at 39 weeks. With my second, I delivered at 38. To the day.

With both pregnancies I worked an entire shift {well 1 hour left for my second} and then headed to the hospital across the street to deliver. With my first I worked day shift. With my second I worked night shift. With my first, I drove myself across the street. With my second, the doctors made security drive me. Stubborn, I was.

With my first they started pitocin on me {only the smallest dose and had to be turned off}. With my second, I never had pitocin.

With my first my water broke on it's own {the audible POP and gush of fluid}... and that's when everything happened quickly. With my second, the doctor broke my water, and it was just a "trickle."

With both pregnancies, I received the epidural. With my first it was after my water broke and I was in agonizing, excruciating pain {and had gone from 4cm-10cm within 30 minutes}. Therefore, with my first my epidural never fully kicked in, but gave me just enough relief. I could still feel every contraction and control my pushing. With my second I received my epidural before my water was broken, and therefore was not in much pain. However, once I became numb I became anxious {as I had never experienced this with my first} and begged for it to be turned down {it was already at it's lowest dose}. Eventually the medicine wore off and I could again feel the contractions {much more painful than the first time} and knew when to push/control my legs.

With my first delivery, I had 5 people in the room. Andrew, my mom, sister, MIL, and SIL. With my second, just Andrew and myself.

With both pregnancies, I had a mirror out and watched as my babies came out. With both, they required only 3 contractions of pushing.

With both pregnancies, a labor and delivery nurse by the name of Erin had a role during my births. She was my delivery nurse with my first and my triage nurse with my second. So great to see a familiar face. Not to mention... we were sorority sisters in college!

With my first, they had issues with getting Elliana's "shoulder" out. Her right one. All went okay after a few pushes from the doctors on my belly. With my second, no issues at all, however he came out with bruising on his right arm and swelling on right side of face. We later found out he had a broken right clavicle!

With my first, I delivered early in the morning {1:41 am} , with my second, early in the afternoon {2:20 PM}.

With my first, she came out as quiet as can be. With my second, he was a screaming machine instantly!

Although my first was 39 weeks gestation, she came out weighing 6 pounds 15 ounces and 20 inches long. My second at 38 weeks gestation, came out weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces and 21 inches long.

With my first pregnancy I had a first degree tear requiring stitches. With my second, I had an "abrasion" that did not require any kind of stitching and healed on its own.

With both pregnancies, Dr. G was able to deliver my babies. I hope he delivers our next as well :)

The BIRTH-Day part II. The Party.

The big party day. 300+ pictures of it. A beautiful day spent with the people that we truly love most. I could sit here and elaborate on every detail, however I believe the pictures can do most of the talking for me.

This year we had decided on a very intimate setting. We wanted it to be just close family and we wanted Elliana to truly get how special she is and how special her birthday truly is. I believe we accomplished just that.

Not to mention that the weather was more than cooperating. It was almost 70 degrees out, sunny, and absolutely beautiful. It made this mama extra happy. And one grilling husband extra happy as well.

The theme? Our shining star. I went a little crazy, yet again {pictures only show a glimpse} with the decorations. Stars hanging from the ceiling everywhere. A large 6 foot banner with our daughter's beautiful face on it saying "Happy 2nd birthday", over 100 balloons blown up, streamers all over, and little touches here and there. And yes, we did the photo shoot set up again this year... and unfortunately didn't use it as much as I had envisioned. Overall? I loved how it all turned out.

Our shining star really signifies what a beautiful impact our growing baby girl has had on our lives. She brightens each and every day and we are so so blessed to be her parents, call her ours, and watch as she molds into something really really special.

***Again, I try to keep pictures of just Andrew, our daughter, and myself on here to protect the privacy of my family members***