I thought about telling you how one of the things I am most terrible about is getting back to people. That I hate to let people down, say no, and then as a result end up not following through with promises or commitments, so therefore my solution is just not to respond at all. Or do you want to hear about how, no matter how hard I try, I cannot for the life of me stick to a "weight loss plan." That the minute you place a sweet in front of me, throw a pitch in at work, or buy me something and say "here," that I just cannot find it within me to walk away. Or how about the fact that I have a shopping problem, a deal obsession, and as a result I am saving money only to spend money. I do still save, I promise. I could probably just save more.
And then I thought about how what I really want to tell you about is something that is a personal struggle within myself, and something that I have been constantly working on. A work in progress. A battle that I am determined to win.
It is much more than just forgetting about something in the moment. I'm good at that you know. Forgetting in the moment. It's easy to make me laugh, it's easy to get my mind off things, and it's easy for me to "forget" in a sense, just for a moment. And then I remember that I'm supposed to be mad or upset about something, and then I just dwell on it some more. I can blow little things out of proporation. Things that should not bother me do. Things that people say that should not affect me, do. Experiences that should be positive and happy suddenly change because of one little thing that happens.
So when I sit in my state of grumpiness, I begin to think about how absurd all of this is. How ridiculous my emotions are. How this is a quality that I need to work on. One that it is not a flaw of someone else, rather one of my own.
What exactly should I forgive? The fact that people are not perfect. The fact that things will not always go my way. The fact that others, especially those that love me the most, may not always know what I am thinking or what I am expecting. And that is okay.My problem though? I am quick to write things and people off. Just like that. And I can hold a grudge. I can hold a grudge like it's my job. And if it was my job, then I'd be pretty darn good at it.
What do I need to do about this? Learn to let things go. How to not let the little things in life bother me. That life will not always be perfect, people will not always be perfect, and situations and experiences may not always be perfect. I have to learn how to be more patient and understanding. That I cannot set the bar too high and I cannot expect things out of others without letting them before hand.
I need to really embrace this word for all it is worth. Truly put words into action. Forgive moments and people worth forgiving. Over the little things. Learn to smile through the mishaps in life. Learn to better cope when things don't go my way. Learn how to find positive solutions out of the negative. And learn how to easily forgive these imperfections in life.
After all, that's the beauty of life isn't it? The imperfections. It's what makes us better and wiser.
So here is to starting a new day and reminding myself of this personal goal, personal weakness, for me to work on.
Next week: If I were to win the lottery....