Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Spacing out Children

You know, when people ask you "when is the perfect time to add another baby to the mix," the answer will vary across the board for every mother. Their ideal may be vastly different from the ideals of the mom next to her. Expectations may vary. Different dynamics within different homes and lives. Various opinions on what is most important to them. Which, should come as no surprise, as that is motherhood to a T. Different and unique in every home.

You see, there is no perfect time to add another baby in the mix. Financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Not to mention that adding another baby means that you already have one at home {baby or not, I will always view mine as "babies"}. Which also means that not only do you have to think about those four aspects {financially, emotionally, etc}, but now you have to put this little human in the equation, how this will affect them, and how this will not only change your life, but theres at the same time.

Because, lets face it, that is one of our number one fears when deciding to have another child.

We could sit here all day and throw out hypotheticals. What if I had a baby this time. What if we waited a few more months and had one then. Well what if it didn't happen right away. What if there was a "surprise." What if husband lost his job. What if I lost mine. What if we had complications. What if we didn't.

But we won't {although we just did, a few examples}. Because hypotheticals are no fun. At least for me they aren't.

So, instead, we will just focus on the only situation that I know to be true. Our situation. I don't live in any other home. I don't mother any other person's children. I don't live another life. So I won't talk about when it may be ready for you, you, or you. I'll just briefly talk about why we were ready.

And putting finances, emotions,and such aside, our number one focus was Elliana.

For my life, my home, and my family, the distance between our children has been ideal. More than ideal. I knew I wanted our first two children close together, I just wasn't sure how close. At the time that we were "discussing" the possibility, I had no insight on what the toddler stage for Elliana would bring during that time. I had not yet experienced month 22,24,26 or so forth. I had no idea which age would be better. Which would be easier. How we would choose the "perfect" time for what E was going through. In a sense, you could say that we sort of put her at the top of our deciding tree. Lets call it that why don't we. A deciding tree.

I did not exactly care about the whole "having two in diapers deal." What mattered most to me was that I could experience all of "baby" Elliana. If that is possible. To embrace every stage and milestone that she went through without the morning sickness, without the aches, without the big belly. When she hit month 18, I knew that we had experienced it, and I knew that more would come. That I would still have an addition 9 months to baby her, love on her, and share as many more firsts as we possibly could together.

So Andrew and I made that decision to expand our family. And to our surprise, it happened pretty quickly.

Nine months went by, and although it started out rocky with the morning sickness, fatigue, and a ride on an emotional roller coaster, all went well, all were healthy, and labor and delivery was just as wonderful as I remembered it being {and painful}. But I love labor and delivery. I love everything about the process and everything that it stands for. If it were up to me... I'd do it 19 times. Oh wait...

But back to what I was saying.

We brought Graham home and it felt like he had always been there. Sure, the first couple of months are just a bunch of checklists. It's all about working up towards that routine. And with two? You work a little harder that second time around. Getting the baby to sleep through the night becomes the number one goal. That and learning how to multi-task. Better.

And then came the day where I got to sit back and watch this journey, relive it in my head, and even look back on it through pictures. I get to watch as my daughter lights up at the sight of her baby brother. And the same for him when he sees his big sister. I get to watch the relationship that forms between them. How they are able to sit on the ground and "play" together. How Elliana wants to share with him. And sometimes not. The way they interact already... when he can't even talk yet.

It's amazing. All of it. And it's what made me wonder about this whole age gap between them. How although it has its hardships at times, it sure makes up for it through the happiness that has filled this home.

For us? I'm so happy to have our babies so close in age. For some? They may be far apart. For others, may be too close. But for us? We don't know any different.

This is our world. We're living it.

And we're loving it.

p.s. TOMS go on sale today at 6 a.m PT. Sign up now if you haven't already. They went fast last time!


  1. I love having my kiddos close in age! Love that they are good friends!

  2. I already think about this a ton and my baby is only eight months old! I've always wanted my kids to be close in age but I don't want it to be so close that I'm always stressed out. I always want to enjoy motherhood the way I do now! Thanks for your perspective!

  3. My two girls are almost exactly 3 years apart and it works for us! To watch them now, baby girl is 5 months old this week (what?), and to watch them interact with eachother already is just priceless. The way baby girl lights up at big sister anytime she sees her just melts my heart. The age gap is perfect for us as like you we don't know it any other way. I look forward to watching them grow togetehr and form that forvever sister bond!

  4. We always wanted to have our kids close in age, because my husband and his brother & my sister and I are close in age. But, while that was our plan.. it didn't happen that way and instead took us 3+ years and fertility drugs to get pregnant again. Our kids are now 9 (almost 10) and 5. So their age difference is almost exactly 5 years and we LOVE it. I know how great it is to be close in age with a sibling and now I'm able to see what it's like to have a large age gap. It has worked so well for us. My kids are SO so close.
    Watching our babies interact with one another is always such a sweet thing.

  5. I got pregnant right after my first son turned 1. It was not planned. They are 21 months apart and it has been a wonderful age difference! Now I'm pregnant with baby #3 and the age difference will be quite a bit. Three and five years! But I'm so excited to see my boys be helpful. They actually know what's going on (somewhat) and are so excited for the new baby!

  6. Baby #1 has been rough for me, so we're waiting a bit longer to have another. I think everyone has different reasons and they definitely should space their kids as little or as much as they would like!

  7. There are pros and cons to every age difference, but as a parent, you adjust!
    My first two are 2 years apart. My 3rd came 4 1/2 years after my 2nd, so I got to experience that dynamic, too. I can rave about both age differences! You just make it work!

  8. It is different for everyone and I think that's great. But your pictures leave me wondering... will my 7 month old EVER grow hair? lol!

  9. We wanted ours close together but I nursed Chase for 15 months and didn't get a period, then miscarried. So you can hope for a close age distance but can't always get your wish. I was planning to not nurse out 2nd as long so the 2nd and third might be closer in age. Just found out yesterday #2 and #3 are arriving at the same time! How's that for close in age?! Can't plan much!


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