Raising boys AND girls of value

When I read something that I am drawn to, I cannot help but think about it throughout the day. And by drawn to, I mean... probably differing opinions. I think about what my response would be to that person if we met in real life, the discussion that we would have, and possibly the disagreements that would be heard. No fighting, no arguing, just talking over a serious topic.

You see, I do not believe in putting people down, or completely ignoring what they say. I think a good debate is healthy for all. And stating something from a different perspective is always good for the brain. And the heart.

And recently, I have had difficulty turning my back on the raising our "girls" right debate. Ahem. I purposefully didn't include the "raising our sons" in that statement because most of the debate has been around the lines of young girls that put bad thoughts into young boys' heads based on what they wear {or don't wear}, and images that they post. Instead of focusing on the big issue at hand. Raising all children, male and female, with equal respect for one another.

Let me explain.

In the past few months, I have read a few articles discussing this very talk. Mothers, Christian mothers, discuss how they are raising their boys. Mothers who say that they have to "cover their son's eyes" when they walk in Target because of the big ad hanging above the women's lingerie section of the store showing a women in.... a bra. "How can I bring my son up with morals when he is exposed to the indecency in places we shop." She goes on to say that women need to think about men out there {who cannot control their sexual thoughts} and not make it so hard for them. Women are making it hard for men. They're making it hard for mothers raising boys. If they would just cover up.......{that's the solution}.

Another one mentioning the need to delete these girls' from their sons' instagram or facebook accounts because they too do not want their sons to see these sort of images. To undress the girl with his eyes. To have indecent thoughts about them. And these girls need to have better respect for themselves, become a woman that is better than that, and to not tempt these young boys with their sexuality. She tells the girls that they have time to fix their errors, that they have time to be forgiven and maybe let in into her sons' lives, but most likely.... not.

You see, I get it. I understand all these things and I don't think any of it is necessarily wrong. Yes, the social media {and media in general} has sexualized the human body and it's what sells. It is what they say makes men {and women} feel better about themselves and it's around us in all aspects of our lives. The television. The local stores. Our schools. Parks. The beaches. And anywhere else that you may encounter another human being. Yes. I get that it will be out there, and thus there is greater pressure placed on parents to want to teach our children to value themselves on a deeper level than just their looks.

Do I think girls need to cover up more? Sure. Do I think they shouldn't be posting exposed pictures of themselves? Sure. I probably wouldn't let my child have instagram period... but that's another post.

You see, I agree with all this.


However, big however here, I just don't get it. I do not agree with blaming a girl, a woman, anyone that is a female for what a boy, a man, or any male is thinking. I do not agree with shaming and bringing a person down based on these said looks. I do not agree with teaching our sons to look the other way, deleting these people out of their lives, and teaching them that there are better women out there.

I just don't agree.

I believe in teaching my son, our sons, that all women are beautiful. That the human body is beautiful. That a woman should never be taken for granted and she is not to be viewed as eye candy for a man. That respecting women comes first and foremost, and to see beyond what society illustrates the image of a beautiful woman, a "sexy" woman, or an indecent woman.

One of the best comments I read on one of the articles recently went something like this:

"Two men were walking down the street. A girl walked by them with a short mini skirt. The first man said to his friend, "Did you see how short that skirt was?" And the other man replied, "No, I was too busy looking at her beautiful smile."

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's how I want my son, our sons, all sons out there to view women. Regardless of their attire, or lack of it, I want them to focus on the other things that make a person beautiful.  Yes, it's hard for them to not see those other things. Yes, they may have thoughts that they may not control. And yes, most boys and men will notice a woman's body in a sexual manner. Unless sheltered behind closed doors in their home, there just is no way to avoid seeing girls and young women in that light.

But to see beyond it. That's the message we want to send to those men. And women.

To not just reject a person from what they see on the outside. To actually take the time and get to know them. Hear their story. Let them bring them in. And even if you don't get to know them? Don't assume that you do.

There is a bigger lesson to be said about all this. That we can point fingers all we want. We can blame whoever we want. Girls. Boys. The media. Our schools. Our friends and neighbors. But at the end of the day? Who is to say who's fault it is. Who is to say that our young boys wouldn't have those thoughts if girls weren't dressing the way they do. Who is to say that those girls are not fit to be the woman for their son because an image that is posted. Who is to say who is better than the other.

At the end of the day, raising our children, both men and women to see beyond outward appearances will take them so much further in life. To not close off and shelter away things that they don't agree with. Instead, learn, discover, and do more letting in. Maybe that person just wants to be heard. Maybe that person just wants to be saved. Maybe that person just needs a friend.

Look, I don't have teenage sons. I don't have teenage daughters. I do have a son and a daughter, and regardless of their sex, and regardless of their age, there is an important part of respect that I hope to instill in their hearts and minds.

To never judge a person by their outward appearance, to never blame others for our actions and thoughts, and to always hold ourselves accountable in all areas of life.

In other words....don't point fingers. 
                              Unless you're staring at the mirror.