Straight out of a dental horror movie. Starring: BECKY.

Lets talk about my recent dental experience.

To catch everyone up lets just give a little brief run down. My tooth chipped when I was pregnant. And by chipped, I mean it was mostly gone. Gone gone. Gone with the wind. Poof be gone my pearly white molar {most of it}. Like magic. One minute it is there... and the next? Not.

And the kicker? It was while eating soft white bread. Now if that is not the dental devils kicking me straight in the rear... then I don't know what is.

But, good news? It didn't hurt. Or, not so good news. As this resulted in me completely ignoring it {bad nurse bad}, and going about my way.

And then we started having this crazy baby talk. You know... the baby number two talk. And I said "crap shat mother eff ugh. suck. beh."  In so many words.

Because this meant I had to go to the dentist. This meant that I had to deal with the situation. And the situation I did not want to deal with.  But when it comes to my babies and their safety? Then that of course comes number one.

And dental hygiene in pregnant women is very important.

So I make the call. I set up the appointment. I even go as far as show up to the appointment. That is a shocker in itself. I sit in the chair, and I open wide.

"Well yah. Boy. You sure did chip it." Ahem. Smarty pants. Would you like a cookie for that brilliant observation?

And then the dreaded words. "Wellll... although you haven't hit nerve yet, you are close. And although I could just fill it, I am afraid that you may just end up needing {insert panic face right about now as I already know what he is about to say} a root canal."

I could have slapped him in the face. I could have even thrown my purse at him. I don't know about you. Although this and although that business doesn't fly with me. Put it to me straight doc. Do I need one or not. Don't butter me up. Don't sugar coat it. I'm not food here.

So yes. I did need one. And I got one. And I survived {who would have known}. And I was even {hate to say this} pleasantly surprised of how not bad it was after all. It may have had to do with the fact that the dentist babied me and talked me through the whole thing. Or the fact that he gave me a little extra numbing. And he even gave me breather breaks. Drama queen.

And so I thought the worst part was over. My friends. My twitter buddies. Bloggers. Everyone shouted out at the top of their lungs "WORST PART OVER! Now you just have the crown left. Piece of cake."

I'll show you a piece of cake.

It.Was.The.Worst.Experience.Ever.

First, the dentist puts this contraption in my mouth. Looks like the thing is going to eat my face and then work its way down. Then, without telling me, the said "contraption" starts squirting water in my WIDE OPEN mouth. And then I start gagging while this contraption is still in my mouth prying it open. And after the dentist took it out of my mouth... there was a lot of...

"Well. Gee. Don't ya think you should warn someone before you try to choke them." Common courtesy. All while I'm still choking and gagging in between words. Talk about traumatic experience.

So I x'd that idea. The contraption idea. Doc needs to figure out a new device. And he needs to figure it out quick. And we went on our way.


1.5 hours later. A lot of JABBING of my gums by a said dental tech that did not peep one word to me. Not even her name. Hello. If you are going to take your anger out on my gums, say a thing or two. It's already awkward enough.

Needless to say... I ran out of there at the speed of the light.  But not without telling the dentist that this is exactly why I fail to show to the "every 6 month appointments."

No call no show to the devil chair. Mmmhmm... no thanks.