Monday, March 19, 2012

Motherhood is a funny thing.

I have to say motherhood is funny. Toddlers are funny. Putting toddlers in a room full of other toddlers is absolutely hilarious. Or not. But still, it is a pretty little funny thing. And today? Well today I discovered how in a matter of 45 minutes, you can lose your brain to motherhood. To toddlers. To a library full of little humans.

And although you may say. So? It's just 45 minutes. Let me just say this....don't underestimate what 45 minutes can do to a human being. A sane human being {or at least, I was prior to this morning}. Don't underestimate exactly how much can go wrong in 45 minutes. How clear your vision gets in 3/4 of the hour of the day. How not-so-together you end up feeling.

And so I sit here now breaking one of my biggest rules. Nap when the toddler naps.

You see. I worked last night. I have been awake since 4 pm the day before. It is approximately 1130 right now. The toddler is in bed napping {must be nice}, while I sit here drinking coffee {it's a new habit I picked up as of... oh... 30 minutes ago}, analyzing every minute of this morning. Thinking.

Where exactly did I go wrong?

I mean really. I get ourselves all pretty. Elliana in a cute little black and white get-up with hose and hair bow to complete the package {i know it's the library... you don't have to give me that look}. And me. Well, equally dressed to impress {the toddlers of course}.  Black skinny jeans, brown leather boots, nice top with a scarf around the neck.

And yes, I did run back in the house with E in hand when I realized I almost left the house without my watch and bracelets. I mean this was like a blind date with future mom BFF's. Right? Right...

No worries, my little break in the plan worked out just fine as we showed up at 10:01. Fashionably late? Nope. Just in time.

And as I walk in I notice in front of my eyes is a line of these little tiny human beings sitting indian style with eyes as big as saucers staring at the little old granny reading about easter bunnies and easter eggs and hoppity-skoppity-doo.

I mean seriously.... the angels might as well have been singing. Who are these children? Am I in the right room? Did I walk through the wrong door? Oy.

So I plop myself and E down on the floor, and did a little silent prayer... "Please Jesus, I will never think any more dirty thoughts involving Marc Wahlberg EVER again. If you just keep my child contained. Thanks in advance."

Evidence. We sat during story time.
The Man Upstairs was not buying any of it... because 5 minutes into "story time" the squirming began. And the silent "but mommmm" type of noises started. Her eyes were glued on all the little monsters in the room, and I just knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to go play. Pet them. Touch them. Anything and everything that had nothing to do with granny reading little books to good little angel children. AHEM.

It was like a kid in a candy store. Seriously. And I'm the bad guy keeping her away from all the candy right in front of her eyes. This child loves little humans.

Sigh. So I resorted to the....carrying the tot around. Showing her things. Talking her through this.

It worked. Don't get me wrong... but I was like really? REALLY E? What is not exciting about story time? What is not exciting about sitting still and being silent? Clearly, all the cool kids are doing it.

And then I was saved by the bell. "CRAFT TIME."

Thank you J for stepping in. Really. And so we sit at the table. And we do crafts. A lot of me dodging bullets.... aka crayons. But we manage to get through it. We get the easter egg done. Or perhaps, lets insert here the truth... mama gets the easter egg done with E doing a few scribbles here and a few jabs there.

I think at this point my eyes wandered around the room, and I quickly realized that here I am SITTING with my toddler in my lap. On a baby chair. Next to a little dirty monster to my right and a mean-mugging one to my left.

And I can't help but wonder how my world came down to this.

Before you know it, it was over, and I am pretty sure we were the first ones out the room. Okay. We were the first ones out the room. And E? Well she giggled... correction... cackled like a little diva at the thought of me squirming in my pants.

And then I sat in the car for a good 5 minutes thinking about what just happened. Honestly, I realized looking back it wasn't all that bad. She wasn't the only squirmy toddler in the room. And she was in fact the youngest of the crowd. And really barely made a loud noise.

But I just can't help but wonder. Why can't my child sit still? Why does she insist on getting loose and running buck wild? Why does she not want to be like those angel children and sit like a good little school girl with her legs crossed indian style and stare up with joy when a little librarian grandma read to her pretty little books about bunnies and eggs?

Oh thats right. Because she is my offspring. My flesh and blood. And if this is an indicator... a glimpse.. of what the future holds for us?

Then I'll be doing a lot more coffee drinking around these parts. Perhaps with a dash of this and a dash of that.

So what did we learn from this? Well A. I either need to take her to "toddler time" every week and train her like a little soldier like those other army children {obviously, they must be trained}. Or B. I need to pull a Duggar and start a little army of my own.

Then E can pet all the little humans her little heart desires. And I can paint pretty little egg pictures.

Oh, motherhood. What a funny little thing you are.
My only remaining piece of sanity. In the form of an Egg. 

On a bright side... we did check off "sign up for reading time" at the library. Score.


  1. Don't feel bad, my kiddo doesn't sit still! Our library offers a movie and story time (the whole thing lasts about an hour) and we have actually been asked to leave because she was too disruptive. She's not bad but the other kids are way more interesting than a tv show or book. It was so embarrassing!!!

  2. I too have said the "dear baby jesus don't let my child be THAT child at this function" prayer haha, Sawyer despises sitting still and does that thing where he goes limp so there is nothing to do but let him dangle from my arms. Gotta love 'em.

  3. Don't feel bad, that's exactly why we DON'T go to story time, haha! I'm pretty sure we would get kicked out! Her Easter egg is adorable!

  4. I've done the "prayer" as well and I am jewish! haha

    Everyone has been there or had "that" moment! Mine was actually LONG before Olivia.

    We had my nephew for the weekend and I was planning on going to synagogue for a high holiday. It was a holiday where we had to fast that day. Well my nephew was just over 1 so OBV he got to eat! I brought with me snacks and some water for him and to keep him "quiet" in synagogue I let him eat. Well he ate and drank everything SO fast (inhaled would be the right word) that at the most SILENT part of the service he let out the LOUDEST burp I have EVER heard in my LIFE!! SO embarrassing!!! (AND we were in the very last row so everyone turned around and stared at me with my beet red face!) ...and that little stinker let out the LOUDEST laugh right after! lol (It is funny now, but then NOT funny!)

  5. Oh I have seen way worse at library hour!!! I think most toddlers love and always want to play with other kids! Totally normal! I'm sure you did great keeping her interested in the story and craft! :)


  6. Becky you left me laughing at the end of this post, not at the situation but at remembering the first time I took Kelcee to story time at the library when she was two! I too got dolled up I was thin and not sick then, had Kelcee dolled up was ready to meet fellow mommy bff's and Kelcee to meet new friends and we enter the room with what I called the Stefford children lol like the Stefford wives ha! Kelcee like Elli did sit for a little bit then she had her eyes on the shiny knight they had for display that is all she wrote. She wanted to see that knight in shining armor lol now who wouldn't ha! Well then she started getting really loud, I mean running from book to book, talking loudly, saying hi at the top of her little lungs to every single person in the library and after a lot of looks and a lot of shhhhhh's I figured we should leave before we got kicked out. We didn't even make it to craft time ha! Kelcee giggled and smiled all the way to the vehicle, me well I sat in the vehicle stunned at what just happened. Did I momma fail? What did I do wrong? The answer was nothing. She just had never been to story time so she was in over drive just like Elli and she would do better each time we would go, yet I wsa so traumatized I didn't take her back til she was almost four ha! I decided to do mommy and me gymnastics lol where she could run like a crazy person and it be ok ha! So that is what we did hhahahaah! SO Becky you didn't momma fail, your a great momma with a great kiddo, so no worries it happens to us all...

    love you

  7. My kids don't sit still either. But I don't feel bad and I NEVER appologize. This is the age for that. It is unreasonable to expect toddlers to sit still throughout a lesson. The library people need to understand this and mix it up with a song and dance every 3 minutes or so. Kids NEED to burn off energy.
    But you're right, the more you go, the more she'll "get it" and start to realize that this is what all the other kids are doing. So take her often... weekly. It needs to become routine.
    Good job stepping out!

  8. I was ALWAYS the kiddo that couldn't sit still. I think all my 'progress reports' said things like "erin is a hard worker, but needs to learn to stay in her seat" or "erin has a hard time working while sitting down" Haha- but I still got great grades and accomplished a lot ;) So no worries!

  9. I take Mia to story time at pottery barn. She never sits still. She too wants to just play! Sowu started taking her to play gyms and she loves it. We will keep on trying with story time though!

  10. She sat for 5 minutes? That's impressive. My daughter would have lasted probably 1 minute. We went to a Gymboree class and she wouldn't do any of the activities she was suppose to do. She had to go off to the other side of the room and do her own thing. Swim class? Same thing she doesn't do what she's suppose to do. My kid has a mind of her own and is go go go all day long.

    It stresses me out but how the heck do you get a 17 month old to understand and listen?

  11. I am right there with ya lady! K is a squirmer to the extreme. That just shows that elli is used to exploring, which is a good thing. She isn't shy, she is out-going and very friendly. :)

    aww my heart just melts thinking about how much fun they (and we) are going to have together.

  12. You know, I have been thinking about going to a couple of those book reads and activities at the library, but haven't yet.. because I'm not really sure how my little guy will do. He doesn't like to sit still, ever, he likes to be up looking around and getting into things. Maybe I will try when he is a little bit older and we can communicate better? Oh I don't know.

    Sounds like you guys did good though, there were no melt-downs or temper tantrums.. & You guys were able to color a very pretty Easter egg! Kudos ;)

  13. Don't be too hard on yourself or on E. She was just excited to see all the other little humans. My little man doesn't see other kids much so when we did the library story times or anything with a lot of kids he is fascinated. Try again - I bet she'll love it! Also getting there a few minutes early were she can run and play with kids before she has to sit still might make it easier.

    Love that you get all dressed up incase you meet potential mom BFFs!!

  14. You crack me up! I always enjoy reading your stories :) E is a toddler, expect her to be squirmy! It's normal!

  15. This is totally my life. Well, I'm not so sure if it's the other kids that W is interested in, but I know that he wants NO part of sitting in my lap or even beside me listening to a sweet librarian read a story!

    It's awful and I sweat profusely every time we go stressing out over what a disturbance he is!

    I wonder if continuing to go is a good thing to get him used to it or if it stresses him out more!!

  16. You are hysterical! We had a similar experience at Baby School last week, and I look forward to taking her week after week so that she can learn that there are certain times when she needs to sit and behave :)

  17. This cracks me up because that is exactly how I feel when we go places! I will say though, now that they are getting closer to two it has gotten a lot easier, but as far as sitting still through story-time..umm, yeah right!

  18. Oh girl! I know the feeling all too well. There's not sitting still for my 17 month old! He wants to get up and run around and even run from me!! yep - I get so embarrassed. I'm hoping this is a short stage they go through. Keeping my fingers crossed. :)

  19. Okay so I'm definitely not a momma, but my oh my this happened numerous times with the little girl I nannied for five years. I finally had to start laughing. At least Elli likes other kids and likes to have fun ;) Love her cute little self.

  20. Wow Im shocked that all the kids sit so still because at our story time the kids run around and kind of listen in the background. What a cute little egg as a memory you have though :)


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