Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Feeling Sorry for Baby #2

There are many days that I catch myself saying "Man, I feel bad for second babies." Whether that be to myself, my girl friend, or my husband. Many times, Andrew and I may even have in depth conversations about this. Often times, it's just a mention here and there.

Regardless, we feel bad at times. Not because our son is deprived. Not because he isn't loved, played with, or enjoyed. Not because he is lacking or missing anything in his life. Nothing of that sort.

The reason we feel bad is because we tend to compare his first few months versus Elliana's. Again, not because he is treated differently, but because life is different compared to the first.

Here arev my top 3 reasons:
With E, I feel as though all I did, all day every day, was cuddle with her. Honestly, I remember those first few months as some of the best, most relaxing, times of the newborn stage. Often times, we would just lounge around the couch. Her head either on my chest, or her sitting up against my knees. Giggles. Laughs. Lots of talking. Squeezing her cheeks. And plain old loving her.

With Graham, I have to actually work to make time in the day to give him that special one-on-one time. Sure, he is with me the majority of the day, either in my arms being held, or in the carrier. However, that isn't what I call quality interaction. So I make an effort to put him down, play with his little legs, kiss on his toes, and really talk to him. Really talk to him. However, I know it doesn't even come close to the amount of time that I was able to devote to E when she was this age.

With E, she stayed home a lot. I didn't take her out to public much, aside from the typical grocery run. We'd go visit family, and sometimes a friend. But other than that? Most days were spent at home. And that's exactly what I liked.

With G, that little man gets taken anywhere and everywhere. Elliana is into activities. We do toddler time 3 times a week. We have dance or another sport of some sort once a week. We go to grocery runs, park days, walks to the neighbors, and anything else our little hearts desire, multiple times a day. We are just plain old out and about. Thankfully he has been a big trooper with it, and doesn't seem to mind {mainly sleeps right through it}, but a part of me feels bad, for whatever reason.

With E, we took more pictures, focused more on each first and over analyzed every little thing.

With G, we are the complete opposite. We relax more, worry less, and each first and milestone is not as extreme for us. Now, they are certainly celebrated with joy and excitement. We acknowledge those firsts. We praise G for the firsts. But we just don't get all uppity over certain things. Which, could be considered a good thing and not necessarily as "feeling bad" for baby #2.

Overall, the reason that I thought to even write about this and bring it up, is because I love my little man  just as I love Elliana and I hope he always knows that. I celebrate his life and the blessing that he has brought to our family, just as I did Elliana. But there are certainly things that make me go... "Wow, I wish there was the time that I had with E to have with G." Not because I feel as though I am missing out on anything, or that he is, but because I just feel like he is as deserving as she was of that time. And unfortunately, for those second babies, they are born into a slightly different world then their brothers or sisters.

I hope G man never feels second. I hope both my children always remember how much they are loved and appreciated in their own unique special ways.

They are so similar, yet so different.
But loved, all the same.


  1. We are expecting our second child in December. At that point, my son will be two months shy of 5 years old. If we could have had it our way, the age gap wouldn't have been so large but now Im starting to think that it will workout just fine. I was blessed to be able to stay home with Jordan and now I will be able to stay home with this baby too!

  2. Thank you so much for writing this post! I am due with my first in a few months but we have already started to wonder about how it will be with siblings in the future. I think that all of these things you mentioned aren't bad at all, just different from your experiences with your first. Thank you for sharing!!


  3. My biggest fear in having another child is first Levi feeling left out or not as loved, and second- the new baby not feeling as special as Levi!

  4. I actually feel like I cuddle more with my second, and enjoy her babyhood more. With my first I was more worried and stressed about everything and I feel more relaxed now and able to enjoy the one-on-one time more than I did with my first.

  5. i love this and giggle...with me it's the opposite..i'm like poor first kid...the last one is getting everything...from cool photos to nothing but connected to moms hip etc...

  6. Just wait until baby number 3! ;) My biggest fear with number 2... And then 3. -- How would I have enough time to do everything I did with number 1? Especially because we homeschool... Somehow it works itself out and hopefully each of my kiddos know just how much I love them, even on our crazy days! :)


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