Thursday, December 27, 2012

Dear Elliana, a big sister letter.

Dear Elliana,

Here we are, my sweet daughter. At the point where I am forced to sit down and finally write this letter to you. A letter that almost slipped my mind until I looked at the calendar the other day and realized... we are full term and could have this baby, your baby brother, at any point now. It's all happening so fast. So real. And I can't pretend any more that our lives are not about to change. For the better.

At this point in my pregnancy, I can't help but think back at what it was like just a little over 2 years ago with you. All the emotions. The nerves. The excitement. I was ready to welcome you into this world, to meet you, to snuggle you up and love on you. To see your features, compare you to your mama and papa, to kiss you, teach you, watch you grow.

I sit back now and think about the feelings that are rushing over me with this pregnancy. They're similar, very much so. The nerves, the excitment, the anticipation. That's all there. But there's also another component that is quite different from the first time around. That being the fear that I feel.

The fear of not knowing what's to come. The fear of not knowing how it will change your life. The fear of not knowing if you will fully comprehend the joy and blessing and the reason behind why we chose to bring another little family member into our family. But most of all, the fear of something happening to me.

I can't help but have that little anxiety now that we are almost at the point. The anxiety that is eating away at me thinking about the "what if. "

I would never want you to go through life thinking that your mama ever thought that you weren't enough. That something was missing that you weren't giving us. That our life wasn't full of love and happiness with you in our lives. Because believe me my sweet baby girl, your life is more than anything we could have ever dreamed of.

I would hope you know that your mama did all this for you. I know how important it is to have a sibling. To have someone so utterly similar to you, and to share such a unique bond with. To grow up together. Share memories between the two of you. Watch the world change. Together.

I know that you are still too young to completely understand what all this means. But I know that one day, when you are older, you will get it.
I hope you know that bringing your brother into this world does not mean that we will love you less. You will always, and forever, be our first born, our love, our happiness, our everything. You have made us into parents. A gift that nothing could ever compare to.

And if something were to ever happen to me, I hope you know that your mama loved you more than life itself. That I will always be present and nearby, even if I can't physically be there. That I trust in you, believe in your strength, and know that you will be something absolutely, utterly, beautiful and amazing in life. To watch over your papa and your brother. To keep them in line. Don't be afraid to let that sass shine through {your papa is used to that you know}, to stand your ground, and to remind them of the beautiful things in life.

I won't even sit here and go into your role as the big sister. What I expect. What I hope for you. Why? Because I just know in my heart that you are going to be the most loving, kind, gentle, loving sister to your brother. You're that way already. You have such a warm heart and you amaze me day in and day out with the amount of love that you share wtih us all. I know the same will be felt by your baby brother. So I thank you now, before he is even here, for being who you are.

I know that everything will be okay. I trust in that. I know that our family will be together, and pretty soon we will be bringing your little brother home.I can't wait for that Elliana. I can't wait for the new life that is about to begin for us all.

So again, I thank you. For your smiles. Your joy. The happiness you bring into our lives. And soon your brother's life. You are truly the most amazing little girl, and we are so thankful and proud to be called your parents.

We love you, more and more with each passing day, forever and ever, to infinity and beyond.

Love,
Mama and your Papa. And baby Graham And Carson too :)

6 comments:

  1. So sweet, Becky! This is why I love reading your blog. You are so raw and so real in your writing.

    Can't believe he's HERE! So happy and blessed to watch your family grow! All my prayers and love are with you all!

    Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox!

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  2. Just Beautiful Letter Congratulations to Big Sister Elliana & all your family for the arrival of BaBy Graham

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  3. You truly have such a gift with your words. Beautiful.

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  4. This seriously made me cry! I have the same exact fears for if we decide to have another. You are such an amazing mama!

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  5. I loved this! You are such a great mama! Elliana and Graham are so lucky. Your emotions are so raw and real it is amazing.

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