Tuesday, May 28, 2013
The Patient I Won't Forget
I'm staring at the monitor. The numbers aren't looking good. I start hollering at the physician to hurry. "We need to intubate him now."
I call the physician into the room. What are we going to do now? He's going to code any minute now. Any minute.
And just like that, everything went crazy again. Except this time, I had a bad feeling in my stomach. With every compression, I just stood there and hoped and hope. But I just knew this was it. There was no bringing him back, and after 30 minutes, my thoughts were confirmed.
"Anyone have any other suggestions" asks the attending.
Everyone is quiet.
"Alright, guys, everyone did a good job," She says. And walks out.
And while my fellow coworkers were busy picking stuff up, unhooking wires, discontinuing medications, and comforting family... I was frozen. For whatever reason, I just could not move. I could not think. And without any control, the tears just started pouring down my face.
And I certainly never expected this outcome when he first rolled in throuh the door.
I wish I could just have a minute back with him. Just to talk to him. To hold his hand and give him some comforting words.
The other day, I saw the sitter for the first time since that day. It instantly brought that night back to me.
We hugged. A big hug.
I told her I think about her all the time because of that night. That because of her, I am so grateful.That because of her, that patient had an angel at bedside. That because of her, I was reminded to write this story. His story.
Of the patient, the night, that changed me as a person and a nurse. And I'll never be the same because of him.