Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Some Days, I think to myself... I can totally have 19 kids.

If you had asked me the question, "What do you think about that Duggar lady," 5 years ago... the first, and only word, that would come out of my mouth to perfectly describe my thoughts would be "Crazy."

Crazy for having 19 kids. Crazy for birthing 19 kids. Crazy for being pregnant most of her life. Just plain old crazy.

Today, if you were to ask me "So what do you think about that Duggar lady," my exact honest response would be, "Lucky."

Now now, before I convince you that I have completely fallen off the rocker and went somewhere out of this world, bare with me and my {somewhat} crazy, unstable way of thinking as I explain my reasoning.

You see, as I added another addition to the family {hi Graham!}, I quickly realized what it was like to love two children. What it mean to have your "heart grow" in size, and what it was like to now have TWO children that love you unconditionally. I proved every feeling and thought I had on "loving another child" wrong, and it was a huge testament to the future of our little family.

And so when I sat on the couch the other day, I couldn't help but think about my children. Present and future. While I was deep in thought, Elliana walked up to me and said "Hugs and kisses mama?" She caught me off gaurd. "Why, yes, baby, thank you," I say back to her after we exchange the sweetest of kisses and longest of hugs. Then I looked down at Graham, who instantly threw me the biggest toothless smile after our eyes met.

And I smiled. I smiled so big that my heart hurt from smiling. Gosh, I am getting mushier and mushier by the day.

And I just couldn't help to think what it would be like to add another. I imagine it will feel the same one day. To fall in love with motherhood that much more. To not share the love, but to have it grow.

So while I'm sitting there, I begin to think about the dear Duggar lady. How LUCKY she is to have such a large family. To have her heart grow 19 times the normal size. To experience the greatest kind of loves out there. 19 times.

I used to think... how does she do it? How does she keep going throughout the day. How does she homeschool all of her children. Maintain the home. Be so patient. And show her children individual love.

Now, before you go thinking that I'm going to be racking on the kids left and right because of this post... just know... our "number" is THREE.

But? If I had endless amounts of money, a large home, and the guts? I would totally have 19 kids.

In my dreams.

And no, we will not be having 19 kids. Or 10. Or 7. Maybe three. Okay, maybe four.


  1. I love this and really echo this sentiment! Lately my heart has really been aching to expand our family (we have one almost 15-month-old girl) while my husband is more grounded and points out important, valid reasons for us to postpone. Do you ever think about life once you stop having kids? Like, what if you guys decide to stop at 3 and then a 4th comes along? And then you meet this beautiful 4th kid and you think OH MY GOSH, we almost didn't get to know this kid!!! I always think about that kinda weirdo stuff. :)

  2. I LOVE this!! I completely agree with you and if I could, I would totally have 19+ kids! We have 2 now and are starting to think about #3...we have always said 4 is our "number", but after our 2nd came along (while in the hospital still mind you!!) I threw out the number 5 and he didn't object so now we go back and forth b/w 4 and 5! lol You're so right though- you don't share the love, your heart expands with each baby you have and bring into your family. And it's the most amazing love there is!!

  3. This is so true! I'm hopefully a long way away from having kids, but I think I want five - hopefully I find a husband who's open to that!

    Personally, I think it's more fun for everyone involved and the family dynamic when the kids outnumber the parents - we'll have to see what size your family ends up at!

  4. I smiled as I read this because I think about this ALL the time. In a way, I'm jealous of her.

  5. I loved this post! I just had my first, and it took me awhile to wrap my mind around the idea of doing it all over again; nearly 5 months to be exact ;) But, I'm just now starting to think about experiencing that love all over again... and how I could totally do it! Again... and again. And then one more time.

    But then that's it. I think 4 is my cap, too ;) Haha

  6. I love Mrs. Duggar. She is so soft spoken and calm and has a wonderful family.

  7. Haha. I was watching this show last night and said to my husband. I wish I could be that. That mom that gets to enjoy schooling her children, that gets to enjoys 19 precious lives everyday. He said he wished that for us too. I am so happy that I have a husband who loves our family just as much if not more than I do.

    Prior to being married my "number" was zero (GAH). Now I want a million or three, perferably five if we can afford it.

  8. I agree! There is so much love in that house.

  9. I love this! I think Mrs Duggar is a saint, but I've always thought she had to be a little bit crazy too. You opened my eyes to a new perspective... great post!

  10. I considered our family of 3 a big size, and then we were surprised with little girl #4. Now there are days when I'm overwhelmed, but I LOVE having four kids. I love the busyness and community of it. Imagining our life in 10-15 years especially makes me glad we ended up with such a big family.

  11. LOVE. I adore Michelle Duggar. I got to meet her once in Dillards (she lives right up the road from me), and she seems like me most non-annoyingly sweet person I've ever met. Even her little voice is so sweet. I'll tell ya, I don't God doesn't give 19 kids to just anyone, but he sure did pick right with her ..... she seems like she has the patience of a saint.

  12. i said that at 4....b/c after 4 what's 2 more...

    as for mrs duggar...i would love to know how her bladder is holding up. thankfully mine is still like new (ha)

    in all seriousness ...i'd kill for 1 more!

  13. I can totally relate! Our number is 3 as well but it gives me major anxiety thinking about having my LAST child! When I brought home our baby boy I remember telling my mom, "I want 12!"

    LOVE this post!

  14. I actually love the Duggars!
    Our number was always four, so this baby will probably be it for us. I can't bring myself to do anything permanent, but I can't see us with more than 4!


 photo copyright.jpg
blogger template by envye