Some Days, I think to myself... I can totally have 19 kids.

If you had asked me the question, "What do you think about that Duggar lady," 5 years ago... the first, and only word, that would come out of my mouth to perfectly describe my thoughts would be "Crazy."

Crazy for having 19 kids. Crazy for birthing 19 kids. Crazy for being pregnant most of her life. Just plain old crazy.

Today, if you were to ask me "So what do you think about that Duggar lady," my exact honest response would be, "Lucky."

Now now, before I convince you that I have completely fallen off the rocker and went somewhere out of this world, bare with me and my {somewhat} crazy, unstable way of thinking as I explain my reasoning.

You see, as I added another addition to the family {hi Graham!}, I quickly realized what it was like to love two children. What it mean to have your "heart grow" in size, and what it was like to now have TWO children that love you unconditionally. I proved every feeling and thought I had on "loving another child" wrong, and it was a huge testament to the future of our little family.

And so when I sat on the couch the other day, I couldn't help but think about my children. Present and future. While I was deep in thought, Elliana walked up to me and said "Hugs and kisses mama?" She caught me off gaurd. "Why, yes, baby, thank you," I say back to her after we exchange the sweetest of kisses and longest of hugs. Then I looked down at Graham, who instantly threw me the biggest toothless smile after our eyes met.

And I smiled. I smiled so big that my heart hurt from smiling. Gosh, I am getting mushier and mushier by the day.

And I just couldn't help to think what it would be like to add another. I imagine it will feel the same one day. To fall in love with motherhood that much more. To not share the love, but to have it grow.

So while I'm sitting there, I begin to think about the dear Duggar lady. How LUCKY she is to have such a large family. To have her heart grow 19 times the normal size. To experience the greatest kind of loves out there. 19 times.

I used to think... how does she do it? How does she keep going throughout the day. How does she homeschool all of her children. Maintain the home. Be so patient. And show her children individual love.

Now, before you go thinking that I'm going to be racking on the kids left and right because of this post... just know... our "number" is THREE.

But? If I had endless amounts of money, a large home, and the guts? I would totally have 19 kids.

In my dreams.

And no, we will not be having 19 kids. Or 10. Or 7. Maybe three. Okay, maybe four.