Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Parenting. There is no concrete definition.

Photo C/O The Siners Photography

Parenting. It's an interesting concept. There are so many experts that will tell you this is the right way, that is the wrong way, this will help your child grow and develop into a kind, patient, strong individual, this way will surely raise the next child with... problems. Whatever those problems they predict will be.

The dilemma with the experts defining parenting is that every opinion is differing. Sure, some may reflect many of the same values. Yes, overall everyone can give you a general idea of their definition of parenting. But, when you start to dig deep into each different category pertaining to parenting, you will then begin to run into conflicting statements, styles, and viewpoints.

Parenting changes you as a person. You are no longer thinking about yourself and your needs. Nothing is black and white to you anymore. Everything requires checks and double checks. And changes? They are a constant in our lives. One minute you think you know it all. The next you find yourself dumbfounded by something you just discovered.

If we were always questioning ourselves, think about how the women 50 years ago felt. When there was no such thing as car seats to protect their children. How about 20+ years ago when women were urged to formula feed verus breast. How about the times when mothers were told to put babies on their belly to sleep. A mother told not to hold their baby too much, that attachment is bad, and that babies need to learn to cope. A mother told to not love on their baby. Seems ridiculous at times, right?

"Do it this way. No don't do it this way. Do it that way. No wait, that's not good for the baby either. "

So I wonder. What will I look back on in 20 years? What will the experts say I did wrong then?

I am a confident mother. I know that what I'm doing is best for my children with the knowledge I have with me in this present day. Is it what every other mother is doing? Probably not, as all mothers are different. Is it what is most recommended? Maybe. But does it mean that the future experts and researchers will agree with all the decisions that are made by mothers in this present day? Absolutely not.

I hope that my children will always be aware that any decisions that I made as a parent has kept their best interest in mind. That before any expert, research article, or "trend" of the day, I used my motherly instinct, the knowledge that I hold, and followed my heart with every aspect of motherhood.

Sometimes, I learned from my own mistakes. Sometimes, I challenged myself to find different solutions or options for my children. Sometimes, I read and read and read until my eyes were going to fall off.

Sometimes, I didn't read at all.

I don't believe there will ever be one definition of the perfect parenting style. Parenting is so complex as it is. So many different categories, so many different ways of going about things, so many different experts and differing opinions. It's one of the most controversial topics to date.

I don't believe you could ever describe the "perfect mother." That does all the right things, at all the right times, with all the right experts backing her up.

To me, the perfect mother is one that loves first, and unconditionally.

Everything else? That all will just fall into place.

5 comments:

  1. Love this post and it's so true. I wrote something similar today =-)

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  2. I agree - the most important thing you can do is simply love. Love your husband, love your children and love God - simply love.

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  3. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's so funny to talk to my mom, MIL and grandmother about parenting styles, guidelines, ect. My grandmother is the best though. In almost every parenting talk we have she looks at me and says: my kids didn't wear seat belts, I didn't push routines and we sure didn't read all of the books y'all do now and look my kids all turned out fine! She then likes to add on that she basically raised all 9 grandchildren and we've survived as well. At the root of all this was her unconditional love. You're so right, that is the most important aspect of parenting. Wonderful post Becky.

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  4. Parenting is a whole new world. I thought I would follow the books and all that, but you really have to just go with the flow and not get too worried about things.
    Great post Becky :)

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