Today, was one of those days.
Where I needed a reminder, of how precious this life that I have been given. The children that I have been blessed with. The husband who has been by my side through it all.
My heart is full, my life is rich. Every day should be a blessing. Every day is a gift. So why, ever, shall we take it for granted. Every day should be approached as if it were our last. Cliche, I know.
But how true is this statement. Really. Think about it.
I catch myself getting frustrated with Elliana, over things I shouldn't get frustrated about. She opens this drawer. "No Elliana." She opens that drawer. "Mama said please don't." She smirks. She opens another drawer, "Elliana, what did mama say," and then she runs away only to come back two seconds later and do it again. And I get flustered. We're trying to walk out the door to make it to toddler time. The baby is crying. The dog is barking. And Elliana is running away from me.
I just need to get her shoes on.
I raise my voice. "Elliana, you are NOT going to go to toddle time if you don't start listening to me, RIGHT NOW."
She eventually acknowledges me. We get those shoes on, one foot at a time. And finally, after what seems like forever, we get out of the door.
I take a deep breathe in at the car and I feel rushed and upset.
Over what? The fact that my toddler isn't listening to me in this particular moment? Did she not move fast enough? Did she not come to me quick enough? Did she ignore me? Push my buttons? Step on my toes. Literally and figuratively.
I have to have moments like this, where I remind myself how absolutely absurd and ridiculous is, of us parents, to have such high expectations from these little human beings. That sometimes we think that we need to raise little soldiers who know the "rules of life" as soon as they start exploring the world around them.
I look at my children and I can't help but think how incredibly blessed I am. To still be breathing. To still have their health, my health, my husband's health. I look around me and hear of these tragic stories. Children Elliana's age being diagnosed with cancer. Babies Graham's age passing from SIDS. And I remember just how precious life truly is.
I want to live each day CELEBRATING life with my children. Setting boundaries, yes, but celebrating life, every opportunity possible. To pause before I speak. To bend down and take those extra moments to just talk to them. To not get frustrated when things don't go my way, on my time. To embrace every giggle and smile, whole heartedly. To tell them I love them every opportunity I get, even more than I already do. To just let go.
I do these things, I do them 90% of the time. But I want to do it that extra 10%. I want to do it always. Because there are some moms, that no longer get to say "no." They no longer get the opportunity to get frustrated or upset. They don't get to run late to the doctor's appointment. They don't get to vent their frustrations to their friends about their toddler that doesn't listen. They just don't get to.
And although I realize this, frustrations and all, are all a part of life, I can't help but want to take these moments and work harder at being better.
To take these moments to remember.
To remember, how unbelievably lucky I am to be able to hold my children and husband at night.