Thursday, October 25, 2012

A letter to my daughter... for her future

10.16.12

Dear Elliana,

As I laid in bed tonight stroking your hair, running my palm across your soft sweet cheeks, planting soft kisses across your forehead, I started thinking. I closed my eyes and I envisioned the future. And my heart began to write to you this letter. 

It took some time for you to finally fall asleep, but I wrote this letter to you all while I watched your eyes slowly shut and enter a world of dreams. Sweet, beautiful dreams.

Once I was certain that you were asleep, I ran down the stairs, gave your papa a big kiss and opened up the computer. I had to take this letter and write it down. I wanted these thoughts to be permanent. I wanted to be able to read this again. Over and over. A year from now. Five. Ten. Perhaps my outlook then will change. Perhaps not. But whatever the reason, I just felt like I needed to write all this down.

Today, while we were at toddler time, I witnessed another girl, slightly older than you, be mean to you. Of course you hadn't noticed the snatching of every block from your hands as acts of "bullying" or "being mean." But your mama noticed. Your mama noticed and it hurt my heart, because all you wanted to do was play. Although this little girl is far too young to understand, and had no idea what she was doing {or intention to hurt}, it made me think of other things nonetheless. 

About your future.

I thought about you growing up. Getting older. Starting school. Meeting new friends. Experiencing challenges down the road. Heartbreaks. Losses. And I shut my eyes fighting back tears. Tears over something that has not even happened yet.

I worry so much about you. I worry that soon I won't be able to protect you from all the evils of the world that are completely out of my hands. I worry that I won't be there to defend you, stick up for you, and scoop you up and take you away during moments of heartbreak or fear. I worry about how these obstacles in life will impact you. Whether you will open up to me. Whether you will let me in.

I know you won't want me to fight your battles as you get older. I know you will get "embarrassed" by my forward don't-hold-anything-back personality. I know that you will one day want to be independent, make decisions that may lead to heartache, and walk into situations that I laid in bed 16 years prior fearing of.

I know these things. I am aware of all the challenges that parents have to go through while their children grow. I get that I will have to let go of my worries and fear and just have faith and trust.

But it's hard Elliana. It's so so hard. You aren't even two yet and I sit late at night crying my eyes out thinking about the perfect plan to protect you from it all. 

I don't have that plan Elliana. In writing. I don't have a plan A or a plan B. But I do promise you this. Your mama and papa will love you more than anyone in this world. We promise to protect you. To teach you. To show you respect. To praise you. To make you laugh. Show you the world. Live life to the fullest.

We want to raise you to be a strong, independent, kind, loving, respectful little girl that will blossom into a young woman one day. We want you to look past the negativity that surrounds the world that we live in and focus on the beautiful blessings around us. We want you to know when to walk away. How to say no. When to fight for something you are passionate about, and when to know its time to let go. The lists of wants and things that we envision for your future are endless. But most of all, we want to protect your heart and your soul.

I can't promise you that you won't go through heartache or loss, challenges, and obstacles.

But I can promise you that through it all, there will be two people you can forever rely on to be there for you.

Your mama and your papa. Please, never forget that.

Stay strong, stay beautiful, be kind, gentle, and respectful. We love every part of who you are and who you will become.

Love forever,
Mama 




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24 comments:

  1. Such a sweet and poignant letter. I found myself fighting back the tears, knowing truly how you feel. My heart shares the same emotions and carries the same worry of not being able to protect my own daughter, especially in the future, as she becomes more independent and ventures out there in the world. Your message to her is the best any mama can offer...you will always be there for her and will arm her with life skills and knowledge, manners and respect, and fill her up to the tip top of her sweet little head with Love, love, love!

    xo-Katie

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  2. Such a sweet letter. I feel the same way for my girls.

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  3. I am in tears reading this letter to your daughter. My mother passed away when I was 6 and I would do ANYTHING in the world for something like this. E will be so grateful and thankful for these letters one day. More than you can imagine.

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  4. This is precious! We don't have children yet but I can only imagine the fear of the unknown. It brings me back to when I used to fear not being able to live out my purpose in life, or not ever finding Mr.Right. However, every single moment and experience through life brought me exactly where I am now, undoubtedly where I'm supposed to be. It's true that trials make you stronger and every day plays a part in shaping the person you are. She will be so thankful for this letter one day I'm sure of it! And the best Mom you can be is one that is supportive and unconditionally loving, which you clearly are! I still call on my mom even though I'm a married woman now - your little girl will surely appreciate you just as I have my Mama :) I love this post and your sweet heart!

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  5. Beautiful letter.. Someday she'll cherish this and. many more that I'm sure you'll write to her..

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  6. Girl You have brought tears to my eyes becaues all i can picture is my little girl going though the same things and there is nothing in this world i wouldnt do for her!! So just to say I feel ya!

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  7. Crying while reading this. I feel and fear for the exact same things for my little girl. This is beautiful.

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  8. This is a nice letter, though I'm hung up on the fact that you called someone taking blocks from her, bullying. Children go through a phase where they have to learn to share. As one or two year olds, they don't completely understand that yet.

    While I want to protect Brady from the world too, these are life lessons. Think about all that we've gone through the past 20+ years and what we've learned. Someone had to take my blocks from me, or I had to try to take someone's blocks to learn how to share and that you can't just take things from people.

    We all go through a phase where we want our kids in a bubble, but we have to let them live like everyone else, just like we did.

    We all worry and it's completely normal, I just don't think we should worry or get caught up on every little detail. Even when someone steals blocks from Brady and he notices, he's over it in a minute. That's life, we have to roll with the punches.

    Thanks for sharing your letter.

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  9. Chelsea, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I did mention that no child that young would even understand them as being "mean" and that THAT situation led me to think about her future....

    The letter had nothing to do with the blocks, although I see where you may have misinterpreted that.

    Thank you.

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  10. Such a Beautiful letter....sit here at work with tears in my eyes as my baby is going to turn 3 in a few short months and the letter just hit close to my heart!

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  11. There should have been a "Have Kleenex Ready" warning before this post! Your little girl is going to grow up to be a wonderful person because her mama and dad want so much for her. I am expecting a little boy of my own, my first child. Its crazy that we are in charge of molding these little people into good productive humans. How wonderful to see a mama who cares so much for her baby girl. Thank you for this post! I couldn't have asked for a more encouraging way to start my morning!

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  12. Brought tears to me eyes. This is such a sweet letter.

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  13. Oh my goodness- this is beautiful. I am officially crying at work in my cubicle. :) Thank you for sharing this- I can't wait for your little girl to read it someday and realize how wonderful her parents truly are.

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  14. I had a feeling that It would be a bad idea for me to read this while at work.. im sitting here wiping tears away. Becky this is amazing so heartfelt and true.. I don’t have kids yet but I can feel your love for this little angle and you have made so excited about the future.. I cant wait to have kids of my own! You’re a great mommy.. and she is lucky to have you!

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  15. Note to self: don't read your letters after wine! I'm now sitting in a cafe in Luxembourg with tears all over my face. You're such a wonderful mother and Elliana is so lucky. I wish you could protect her from all the hardships of life, but having you love her unconditionally will be all she needs when it happens!

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  16. This is so sweet. I fought back tears through the whole letter. It is so beautifully written!

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  17. This is such a beautiful letter to your little girl. Definitely got me teary eyed as I sit her with my own little baby girl, thinking about her future.

    By the way, these photos are gorgeous. She is beautiful.

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  18. so beautifully written, as always!! LOVE these pics of E, she is so sweet!! :)

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  19. Only four words: this made me cry.
    How sweet! I love it and your daughter is beautiful and looks very smart. You should be proud. much love!

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  20. love this...

    i have 6 kids ages 16 to 11 weeks. when i hold my youngest i can still remember the day my oldest was that size...and all emotions come flooding back...

    i to always want to take their hurt and embarrassment but know i can't...and when oldest got his heart broken by his first girlfriend i knew how bad it hurt...but i also knew that many more hearts will follow....

    it's amazing to watch them grow..it's amazing how fast time goes too...

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  21. This is just beautiful Becky. Elliana is so blessed to have such a wonderful mama!

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  22. This is so beautiful! She is so blessed to have you as a mama and will cherish this letter someday! :)

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  23. Sweet letter!
    What happened to her chin? Poor baby :(

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