Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Attachment Phase

post sitting in draft...written about 3 months ago....

You know, I don't read any of those What moms need to know about babies books, as I like to think that I have this mom thing covered and my gut instinct {and google} have yet to fail me.
But I do vaguely remember learning a thing or two in my pediatrician course in nursing school.
In fact, more than just a thing or two.

And one thing I remember clearly is learning about the attachment phase.
The attachment phase where the child wants nothing to do with anyone but his mommy and daddy. His/her mama and papa. Specifically, her mama.

They say it happens around the age of 8-9 months.
And you better believe that around the time that Elliana turned eight months old, we experienced what one would call... the attachment phase.

Mama this. Mama that. Must have mama in room at all times. Must have sight of her. No one else could hold me but her. Everyone else was a complete stranger, even grandma and grandpa. And that was that.

It probably lasted a month and a half and once it passed.... it passed. But never completely.

Well. Then Elliana turned... 14-15 months old. And now? Since then.... we are getting experiences of the attachment phase all over again.

Except this time? Magnify it by 100.

Yes. And as the months go by? It gets worse. Now at 19 months old? It's probably the worst it has ever been. Actually this past month in general. 18-19 months.

Here is what I'm talking about...
As soon as she wakes up... "Mama mama mama...."
If we go to grandma's house and I go upstairs? She runs and pouts at the bottom of the stairs... "Mama... Mama... Maaaammmmmaaa..."
If we are swimming.... it's "mama mama mama"

Now, if you want the honest truth about how I feel about this phase, I'd have to say that I absolutely and utterly love and adore how she feels about me. However... it does bother my husband, and in return, it bothers me. Because it hurts to see her swing her arms against him or scream at the thought of him taking her out of my arms, and yell at the top of her lungs and fling her body from side to side when he tries to cuddle her. She's extreme.

So yes, I love love love that she is so attached to me and adores me so much... but I'd just wish that she would share this adoration with husband.

And sometimes, I'd like to not be the only one that she must have her swim around in the pool with. Or put her to bed. Or feed her. Or anything else.

Now, if I'm not home for whatever reason? She is perfectly fine. She is loving and cuddly with Andrew and very needy towards him. She doesn't whine or complain, cry or yell out. Nothing.

It's only when I'm around.

And I know everyone says that I spoil her and give in to her.... but the reason I do is because I want to. Because I love when she yells out for me. Because it warms me up when I see her light up at the sight of my face. Because I secretly hope that it stays like this forever.... even when she turns 16. {I hope}

So yes, I know this phase will pass soon. And we'll forget it ever was around. But in the meantime? I'll enjoy every minute I can of it...

Especially, while its still me and my girl.
{and although this was written months back... E is 23 months old now...no worries... we are still very much mama mama mama}


  1. I can totally relate to this post 100%. Keira is 22 months and very much the same way. It's all about me & when I'm around she wants no one else, not even daddy. Great post.

  2. The past two months Presley has been extreme in this way. Its breaking me now that I am returning to work and she is melting down when I leave.

  3. Baby C is only 4 1/2 months old and seems to be headed toward the Mommy mommy mommy phase already. When she is upset - NO ONE can calm her but her mommy. I have been called to daycare a few times due to this happening and as soon as she sees me HUGE smiles. I hate that she gets so upset but inside I am happy that she LOVES her mommy :) I have always been a little worried that my baby would bond to someone else over me (b.c I work full-time AWAY from her). I am glad to know that she still knows who I am. I just wish her daddy could do some calming too.

  4. My son is 20mos and he is kind of growing out of this phase FINALLY (it was so bad he would scream if any one even looked at him). It was hard for the hubs because he is in the military so when he would come home J would be all ma and it would hurt him and me to watch it. I loved the love but I just wanted him to have that same want for his da.

  5. SAME THING. My son is turning a year this week, and for the past month, er, maybe two months, it's only mama (which is funny, because the only word he will say is Dada). And when I'm not around? Happy baby hanging out with Daddy. I don't get it lol.

  6. You could totally take the words out of my mouth, except my Daughter is doing this to everyone except me and the babysitter. The only problem is.. There is 1.5 hours between when my husband picks her up and I get off work. Yesterday he had to drive her to me because she was inconsolable and my Husband got scared because she was screaming so much she could barely breathe. :(

  7. I was always a mama's girl growing up, like her little shadow.

    My son is 9 1/2 months and definitely prefers me and my husband but doesn't have much trouble being around others including strangers which I think is due to daycare and being around so many other people. I'm hoping he'll be a mama's boy as he grows up though.

  8. i couldn't agree more with your sentiment about doing it just because you want to! i completely agree...my little man is only going to be a baby once!

  9. Olivia is the EXACT same way!! She is 16 months old, 17 months next week. Everything you just said is 100% how it is here at our house too!! I feel bad for family when Olivia ONLY wants me but then again I don't because like you said this won't last forever...

  10. My 10 month old is EXACTLY like this, and she really has been a mama's girl since day one. If my husband is holding her and she sees me, she's reaching out. If I'm trying to sneak in a shower, she's crawling to the bathroom looking for me.

  11. My son is the opposite! He wants his daddy 24/7! Heartbreaking!

  12. http://jessandlins.blogspot.com/2012/09/its-guy-thing-by-jess.html?m=1

  13. At almost 3, Ellie is EXACTLY like this...it started right around Elliana's age and it hasn't stopped. And like you, I absolutely LOVE that she is my little shadow...but I hate how she constantly denies my hubby...and yes, it would be nice to not have to be the one to do EVERYTHING for her. (oh and yeah, when I'm not home, she is perfectly fine with my hubby, just like Elliana is!)...I have no advice, but I hear ya on this one! :-)
    ♥ Kyna

  14. I am so glad you posted this! My 15 month old is going through this for the first time and it is breaking my husband's heart! She wants nothing to do with ANYTHING or ANYONE except me (and the dogs, of course!) .....me on the other hand? secretly loving every minute.

  15. Thank you for posting this... I have been following your blog since our girls were 8 months old (I think) and now that Khloe is 18 months old, her daddy is ALL she wants. I finally broke down in tears the other night. She wants nothing to do with me. She says his name from the time she wakes up in the morning until she goes to bed. I know it's a phase, but just knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I will say... I am blessed to also have an 8 year old daughter whose world practically revolves around me. It's a nice balance, but I hope Khloe learns to like me again.


 photo copyright.jpg
blogger template by envye