Dogs and Babies don't mix

10.3.12

Written months back. 

At least mine don't. But again, they do. But then again, they don't. I think dogs complicate things. Or maybe it's the babies that complicate things. I think the whole situation is just pretty darn complicated and that's why I am forced to sit here and write about all this.

I've had this post on my mind for quite some time. I have had it written out in my head and the thoughts all jumbled around all over the place. Because I've been meaning to write it. Because I just KNOW that there is someone out there that gets me. That can understand where these thoughts and feelings are coming from. Surely. Right?

So heres the thing. My dog has been driving me completely insane since the day we brought Elliana home. I won't even sit here and try to vocalize how much that dog meant to me prior to E coming into the world. How much I swore that things wouldn't change. How, hold me, I couldn't even imagine loving anyone more than him. How back then people would say, "things do change," and my mouth would drop down to the floor... "Never" I would say.

Friends, "never" should never be a part of your vocabulary. Trust me.

Perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps I went wrong the day that I had picked him out, after all he squealed like a wild animal. Perhaps it's me and not him. This sounds like a relationship gone wrong.

I have a feeling that maybe we wouldn't be in this mess if we had chosen a "normal" dog. Whatever that means. A dog that wasn't a mix. A dog that wasn't a mix of boston terrier and BEAGLE. Beagles, I tell you. A species like none out there. He barks. And he yelps. And he has high anxiety {like heart-attack ready anxiety}. Attachment issues. Social issues. Pukes every day. Will pee randomly. Just plain issues.

He's like taking care of 2 additional children when we have guests over. I have to literally sit there with him and hold him so he doesn't go jump on our guests and think that we are an insane household, which I'm sure they already think so. For one hour. One hour. And during that whole hour? His heart is racing at 150+ a minute. He is shaking. He is whimpering. It's absolutely pathetic.

Not to mention I have a toddler who still needs my attention. So try wrangling that mess... every day... it's quite the site I tell you. I definitely look like a hot mess at times.

One time I took him out to pee. On a leash. While having Elliana out with me. Nowhere far, just in our front yard. He's tugging at me like he is a 200 pound dog in the opposite direction of my toddler who at this time decided the street looked like a great idea and sprinted right to it. So while I'm trying to chase after her, 20 weeks pregnant, the dog wants to tug me the other direction. He's 20 pounds! But he sure can pull. So I end up falling in order to catch my daughte who also ends up falling because that was the only way for me to stop her from going in the road where the cars were coming.

And that was it. I had had enough. I took him inside, picked up the phone, and called the husband.

"We need to get rid of him. Now."

The problem is, this wasn't the first phone call that Andrew has received from me with that same exact conversation. In fact, it's one we have had multiple times. Sometimes, it's him initiating it. And somehow, day after day, we put up with it and go on.

Our other problem is that Elliana is completely and utterly in love with this human. Which I have mixed emotions about. Part of me is upset because I don't want her to get too attached just in case we did end up finding him a new home. And the other part of me is happy that there is still one person left in this household that still loves him. And also? He adores her. And he's good to her. And he lets her pull his ears and grab his legs... and even... steal his food.

At the end of the day, somewhere deep deep down inside of me in some far far away place I have a loving spot for this animal. I remember the times that he made me feel complete. That I would get excited to see him after being gone for two hours. That the little things that bug me now I could push aside and forget.

At the end of the day, yes these are just all frustrations that I'm writing down and the yes he does belong in our family.

At the end of the day, I just know that there would be a part of us missing if he left our family. And although I don't like how much he complicates our lives, I think that no one else could possibly love his dysfunctional self the way we do.

See what I mean? Dogs are complicated. MY dog is complicated.

He needs to go see a therapist. And get drugs. Anyone know where I can get one or the other?Preferably both.

On second thought, I think the two of us need to go to a therapist together and hash it out. Do such things exist? It sure would help. Now. If only I could teach him to speak English.

**And if you can't find the humor in this post, or say anything positive, please don't say anything at all. We have no intention of getting rid of our dog, however please don't judge those that have.**