Monday, April 30, 2012

Friendships. Those that come. And those that go.

In the past couple of years I have had many moments where I had to really think about the friendships in my life. Many moments that left me wondering why? Why it worked? Why it didn't? Some that made me question the strength of our friendship. Others that left me struggling to find it. To find the common ground. The balance. The rope to hold us together.

Most of those instances passed, and my life went on, and friendships were lost.
Those that just sort of drifted. Others that were cut off on May 2009.
Graduation day.

It's that easy you know.
Losing friends.
They disappear just like that.
At the same time... so do you.

You graduate college. You move out of state. You start your new career. You get married. Have a child. Maybe have another one...

And before you know it, two years has passed... and the phone calls have ceased. Well, they ceased a long time ago... but more so now than ever before.

They usually start as once every couple of days. Then once in a couple weeks. A couple times a month. Monthly... every other month.. And then... one day you realize... it's been almost a year.

And you can't help but ask yourself... well... what did you do wrong?

And sometimes? The answer is nothing. No one did anything wrong. No one is to blame. But the first thing we want to do. Our initial reaction... is to blame. Maybe one person may think the other person should have put in more effort. Maybe the other person did. Maybe one person was busier than the other. Maybe that person changed.

Whatever the reason... the friendship is lost.

Then I find myself saying...I still have my best friends.

But then I ask myself, but do you?
The phone calls also dwindle. They live out of state. You live different lives. One is married with a child, a home, and a routine that doesn't shift much from the norm. The others? Live life carefree. Outgoing. Every weekend is different from the last. Nothing tying them down. Life is full of friends. And pictures.

Pictures you once were in.

Ten plus years of friendship and you sit here pondering how you ever got here. How you went from inseparable to feeling awkward on the phone.

How does that even happen? What do you do to fix it?
So many questions.
Many with no answer.

It's easy to blame yourself. Or each other. It's easy to point the finger. Trust me, we have all done it.
It's easy to just give up, or walk away.

And sometimes, life doesn't give you any other options, but to.
But to walk away.

I've come to realize that they're few and far between.
Sometimes...people change. Sometimes that person is you.

Common interests are lost.
And Memories are cherished through pictures of the past.

And life.

Well, life....happens.
Friendships that are supposed to last a lifetime do. Those that aren't? Don't.

And those that do?
Cherish them. Love them. Work hard at it.
And you better hold on to them for dear life.

Those other "moments" and friends, will come and go in our lives. And sometimes?

We just have to let them.


  1. This post really hit me because I feel you! I really saw this happen when I got married young. A lot of my friends weren't and didn't get that I couldn't just drop everything to talk or go places because I was nurturing my marriage. I saw it happen again a little when I had a baby, but I think at that point I realized more of what was happening and tried to hold on more to friendships that I knew really meant something to me and I didn't want to lose. There were a few awkward months adjusting, but most of those friendships came out stronger on the other side. You are so right, sometimes people just grow apart and that's okay, and sometimes you really have to hold on to make things last and that's good too!

  2. I certainly know this all too well :( and even my best best friend I feel like we always go too long without talking at least on the phone.'s sad really but life is hectic ans we get busy :(

    I do notice as i get older most friends are not the ones made in high school that I thought would be around forever :(

  3. Very true! Though I am able to keep up with some of my lifelong friends through facebook and blogging, it's not the same as seeing them in person. It's definitley hard when life takes you in different directions.

  4. I've had to let friends go and as muh as it was hard...sometimes it's the only way to grow in abundance!

  5. Oh I can so relate to this post. A friendship of about 18 years (since we were 4 haha), dwindled down not too long ago and common interests were lost and there was so much blaming going on.

  6. Wow what a great post.Its so true here i am in CO being an Army Wife and having to choose my friends wisely.when i actually find an awesome friend they have kids and i dont so they exspect me to be free all the timebut im not so when i say icant do somthibg instead of them saying ok next maybe next time. They stop calling my theory is if its that easy for someone to walk away from a friend ship its easy for someone else to replace them.

  7. Wow what a great post.Its so true here i am in CO being an Army Wife and having to choose my friends wisely.when i actually find an awesome friend they have kids and i dont so they exspect me to be free all the timebut im not so when i say icant do somthibg instead of them saying ok next maybe next time. They stop calling my theory is if its that easy for someone to walk away from a friend ship its easy for someone else to replace them.

  8. What a great post, and oh so true at that!! I just recently lost a friendship that was just rekindled, but it just isn't the same.. We went to separate colleges and she had a relationship that was very controlling of her. This post really helped, thanks!

  9. crazy you wrote this post today for one of my best friends is getting married and I did a post of all of us besties at spa day! I hold on so tight to these girls they are the best friends a girl could ever have and we all have been through it all together, growing up as littles, cheering in school, crazy college days, weddings, divorces, babies, more babies, some with lots, some with none, we have always managed to work it in..the ones with no kiddos that live life to the fulliest in the bar scene we do movie time with them or have fun little get togethers with the kiddos at the park, the ones with kiddos we have playdates, the ones out of town we try our best to keep in touch the best we can, life happens, what is great is what you said the friends that will last a lifetime a year can go by and you can start exactly where you left off! I recently had a friendship rekindle after two years of a silly argument and we realized how silly we were and although it isn't quite the same just yet we started just where we left off! Friends true friends will always be there always!

    love ya

  10. Ah I love this Beck! I have been having a ton of problems with this lately! Its so hard to pin point what the reason is but this post really helped! Friendships just sometimes end at no one fault, it's not my fault that I have kids and its not my best friends fault that she doesn't. One day she will see it from my point of view on why I am so busy, lol and maybe why we do not share the same interests. It kind of sucks losing friends from the past but then it opens windows to find new friends! And you and so many others have filled my friend category and I am so grateful!!! Real friendships will last and others will fade but at least I have you guys and the hubbs haha! xoxoox

  11. This is so very true! Some of my friends have come and gone, but I still have a small handful of great ones. They're all amazing women and I'm lucky to have them!

  12. This is a great post. I've often asked myself what happened to the friendship I had with some of my best friends from high school. But when you graduate things in your life change and people go different ways. I am happy to say that I am still friends with 2 of those girls and they are awesome.

  13. I have been feeling the same way lately! Sometimes, I feel lost thinking I don't have any really good friends anymore. You know the feeling you have in high school where you and your friends cant even last a day without talking to each other? I feel like I have lost that as I get older and my life changes. But I still have a handful of best friends, but we don't talk that much and it is due only to distance and busy lives.
    I know exactly how you are feeling! I loved this post, and I really needed it!
    Have a great day! :)

  14. This is so VERY true!!! I am currently going through this with one of my best friends from High School, but as I once read, Friendships come & go but they leave memories forever!! & just remember if friends are suppose to be there in your life they will be there.

    Happy Monday.

  15. I really love this post. I graduated college last year, and am already seeing friendships change. Seeing us change as we grow into adults. And it's scary sometimes, but it's also exciting knowing that the friendships that do last for the long haul, will be so, so amazing.

  16. good thing our kids are getting married because then we will HAVE to be bff's for life.

    and I get the grandkids on all major Holidays. You can have Halloween.

  17. This is sad! I have the best group of friends and we are so close and continue to be even as our lives change. BUT I do not have close relationships with anybody in my family so I always think that is the reason I cling to my friendships. People just come and go into our lives...strange.

  18. I've been struggling with this a lot lately. Thanks so much for sharing!

  19. This post is soo very true.
    definitely going through this with wedding planning.

  20. I completely agree with you! I just had this conversation with one friend last week. I feel like I only have one friend now days because none of our other friends have kids. It's so crazy how friendships turn out.

  21. Ugh, I am right there with you. Add to that the fact that you married then divorced someone you went to high school & graduated with and the majority of your friends from high school & college took "his side" and you are really left wondering what happened! But, I think there's a season for everything and if there's one thing I've learned through it all, it's those friends that I've known the longest and somewhat "took advantage of" when I went off to college and made new friends that have stuck by me the most!

  22. This hits home with me because I was just thinking about this topic. I've actually been surprised of who I thought was my friend and who really is ever since bringing Olivia home. On fb EVERYONE is your friend bc they want to look at your pics and be in your business and see "what you are up to." My real friends don't need to look on fb to see pics of olivia or see what I'm doing bc we talk/text or visit each other. Those people are few and far between these days but I'm glad Olivia opened my eyes to see who is really there for us.

  23. I completely understand this :(
    A lot of this happened to me in high school, it was heartbreaking, still is.
    Thanks for sharing, you're a great writer! :)

  24. Preach on :) This happened to me after high school. I went on to nursing school (which is life-consuming) while everyone else either didn't go to college or is going for a major that doesn't require anything but to show up. & now that I'm getting married soon, things have really changed. A lot of my old high school friends say I'm too young for a marriage (I'm 21). My two cents: A true friend will support you in in everything that you do. You'll never agree on everything, but you're there when they need you, and vice versa. But like you said, things change, people change. Hopefully their heart doesn't, but if it does, all you can do is just wish them happiness & a great life & move on. (I'm preaching to myself while I'm typing ha!) p.s. E is adorable!

  25. so true! i've been struggling a lot with this lately! it is so hard to keep up once people move off and when people are in different stages of life than you, but some friendships are worth the extra effort to keep in touch! thanks for sharing!

  26. I’ve come to the realization that you realize who your true friends are when you go through life changing events. i.e getting married, having children, moving away etc. Through the process of wedding planning I was able to cut off two friendships that had been around for almost 8 years.. because I was finally able to see the depth of their and support for me. I love the quote “ I would rather have 4 quarters than a million pennies”!

  27. This is such a great & true post. I am struggling with this one quite a bit. I am the only one without a kiddo and it gets hard for me. Sometimes I feel so selfish and guilty, and I know they are super busy, its just hard for me to keep putting so much effort into friendships.

  28. You realize who your true friends are when you go through major events. I lost friends when my mom passed away because they felt I should have stayed home to care for my siblings instead of leaving for college, something my Mom wouldn't have wanted me to do. I lost friends again when I got married last summer because of her jealousy.

    But those friends who stayed my friends through the death and stepped up to the plate when this girl dropped out of site for my wedding truly showed me who the best friends of mine are and that they are here to stay.

    Life is ever changing - and if your friends are too then they aren't meant to be.

  29. i have truly found out who my real friends are over the past few years. people change, situations change. the sad fact is that even some of the people who were in my wedding are no longer my friends. but since then, i've found some new amazing friends. so i just tell myself that everything happens for a reason and those who mean the most and are my true friends will stick around!

  30. I can really relate to this post. Sometimes I get in funks and I think about all the friends I used to have, and I try to figure out why we aren't friends anymore. Eventually I either blame myself or them, but in reality life happens. It totally sucks growing apart, but I've found that others take their place. & True friends you just can't get rid of ;)

  31. Wow. Just wow. You just spoke to me, read my mind and slapped me in the face with some realizations. This post is so spot on. After college, hell even after high school, changes occur so quickly and people just begin to disappear. As you get older even the BEST of friends drift because of life in general. Hmm, it's a tough thing, friendship. As a child I wondered why my parents didnt have MORE friends, now I get it. It's a funny, funny thing balancing friendships.

  32. I can really relate to this post! My best friend and I parted ways 2 years ago. I'm not really sure what happened, but it's the last time I saw her. She has not answered any emails, calls, or texts.
    I've come to realize that there's nothing I can really do about it, and that I should just focus on the awesome friends that are here right now!

  33. There have been many times in my life when I've thought about this very thing. I'm lucky to know that no matter where my best friends and I have gone over the last 15 years, we always can come back like nothing has changed. :)


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