Confesh Sesh

Written a couple of months ago {as the stamps now come in handy a couple months later}

-My heart always hurts a little when I see old people out eating lunch by themselves. Or those that walk really slow, struggling. I just want to go sit with them and talk to them.

-I will not eat the yolk of the egg when its hard boiled. Ever. However, I will if we go out to eat or husband cooks some eggs. Over easy, just the way I like it.

-Did you know though that one egg has 73% of your daily Cholesterol intake. You do now.

-Did you know that my husband has high cholesterol {hereditary}. So he takes medicine. I married an old man.

-I cannot just buy one thing on sale at the grocery story. I have to buy multiple. Bulk. Why? Because its on sale, why else.

-You want to know what is really good that I used to eat all the time? Cucumber and sugar. OH MA GAH. Lick your lips right now. That good.

-You want to know what also is really good with cucumber? Just deli meat and tomatoes. I lived off that in College. Well... that and ice cream, brownies, and vodka. Usually the opposite order though. And greasy pizza and cheesesticks.

-I used to eat raw hot dogs all the time.

-I also used to eat a whole package of bacon every day.

-I ate two bagels the other morning. I know, shoot me. The problem is, I could have eaten even more. Cream cheese and all. Pregnancy is in full gear in this household. How I have only gained 11 pounds? I have no idea.

-The stamps on my envelopes when I send mail out? Christmas ornaments. Why? Because I had husband buy way too many last year and I have enough to last me until this Christmas. That means if you have ever received mail from me this past year? It's been a glimpse of Christmas for you. And? I kind of like it. To the point that I think I'm going to tell husband to get extra this year again, too.

-I went to my parent's house the other day. My mom proceeded to tell me that her dog {a sharpei} somehow got a chunk of his skin on his face to peel off. My parent's solution? Super glue. I wish I made this stuff up. I wish I did.

-Speaking of mom. When I was over at her house... a telemarketer calls. She answers. "Hello.".... the person on the other line speaks. She says, "Hello." The person speaks some more. She says "Hello." And then you hear snickers on the other end. "Have a good day ma'am."

And me? Well I was literally grabbing my stomach laughing so hard.

Telemarketers? Don't call my parent's house... mom will only play jokes on you.