A letter to a three year old. MY three year old. I have a THREE year old.

Elliana,

I can't believe this day is here. Again. I can't believe that we will be celebrating your birth, your life, and the happiness that you have brought into our hearts since the first day we met you. Again. It all just seems too unreal.. and too fast to me.

I've been thinking about you all week. During mundane everyday life. Brushing my teeth. Driving my car. Laying in bed, trying to go to sleep. I don't think about anything specific. Just you. The way you giggle with your little hands to your mouth, bobbing your head trying to imitate our laughter. Sometimes you don't even know why you're laughing, but you're laughing anyway. The way that you gather all your "hoarding toys" and carry them around in a basket. To the library. To gymnastics. To the store. You take it everywhere with you. And everyday is a new day for hoarding. The way you light up when you hear your baby brother on the monitor, and then run to his room to give him the first hugs and kisses of the day. The way that you request the same things every night;your music, your water, and of course your mama or papa right next to you. Some stories, a book, and a whole lot of hugs and kisses. And those feet. Those feet that constantly scratch up and down at us, even after we tell you to stop. You can't help it, it's a habit. One of many that you have formed, and one of many that I can't help but smile at just thinking about. Because it just means that you are a little person, with a little {big} personality, with your own likes and dislikes. It's all just amazing to me. And still, somehow, seems unreal.

These little things that you do. That's what I think about. I am so fascinated, still, to this day, that you can walk, talk, and express emotions. You can actually tell me how you feel. You tell us that you love us. And you mean it. You make decisions. On what you eat. What you wear . Where you want to go { "turn this way mama....no that way."}. How did we get here? More importantly, how did we get here so fast? And what does the future hold.

Sometimes I'll just watch you. I love just staring at you. The way that your body has grown, the way that your face has thinned out into a little girl yet still has those kissable baby cheeks that I'll forever kiss on ten million times a day, and the way that you move around, the decisions that you make, and your outlook on the world. You have no fear. You know no pain. You see the outside for the beauty that it is, and because of that, you inspire me to love more, give more, and be better.

A better mom. A better person. A better wife, friend, and daughter. You just have this way of making people want to be better.

I think about the future and what it holds. The birthdays to come, the holidays to celebrate, the changes into the teen years, proms and sport games, talks about boys, talks about weddings, and painting our nails late at night. That sentence makes me laugh because there are so many random things thrown in there, yet it is exactly what growing up entails. Changes and new experiences. 

I can't help but cry thinking about it all. Thinking about the little baby that I have in a way lost, and the little girl that I have gained at the same time. I wouldn't trade today for the past, but I sure do wish I could bottle up every stage, every year, every milestone and hold on to it forever. Have a way of opening that chapter back up.

Reliving it. Being able to go back in time and hold you when you were one. Hold you when you were two. And one day hold you when you were three.

You're three. You. My baby, are three. Today. I'm going to hold you so tight that you'll probably yell for me to let you go. I'm going to kiss you so much, that you're sure to swat your hands at me. I'm going to tell you how much we love you over and over and over again until you tell me to stop. And even then, I'll keep doing it. I cannot find the words right now to tell you how much that love is. I don't think there could possibly be words to describe the depth of our hearts for you. I've never been blessed with a greater life as the one that you have given us, and I am just lucky that we were chosen to be your parents.

I know a bright future lies ahead for you baby girl. You'll do big things. Great things. And never forget the power of your strength and abilities. Never forget that you don't have to win the noble peace prize or become president to feel like you accomplished big things. Because me? I'm just a mom who feels like I accomplished something really big. Really really big.

Having you was the first greatest thing I ever did, and I'm continuously reminded of this every day I wake up and hear your sweet voice, and every night when I kiss you to bed.

Happy birthday sweet girl. We love you more than words could ever express, to infinity and beyond, forever and ever.

Love,

Mama, Papa, and your favorite little brother, Graham