Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Blog for YOU.

I try to be pretty honest on this space. I try to be as open as possible, without over-sharing. I know I have. Over-shared. I know that there have been moments, posts, where I was too honest. The great thing about this space is that there are no rules, no limits, and it's a place to just be you. That's what I have always tried to be. Me. And throughout the years, that "me" has changed. Does that mean that I wasn't honest back then? No. Does it mean that I'm not honest now? No. It just means that I've slowly changed throughout the years, and I think that it's expected, good, and a great opportunity for reflection.

Reflect on who I don't want to be, how I don't want to write, and what I don't want this space to turn into.

And something that I learned early on once becoming a mother is that I no longer wanted this space to consume me. I no longer wanted to depend, nor need, the validation from complete strangers. I did not want to feel as though I was writing for others and I did not want to feel as though there was pressure to be someone I am not.

The thing is, I used to devote so much time to trying to grow this space of mine. Trying to join in on every linky party, commenting on 50+ blogs a day, and making sure that I was being active on all forms of social media including facebook, twitter, and instagram. Don't even get me started on pinterest. My goal was not to read posts that I loved, but rather try to read as many as I could, comment generic comments as much as I could, in hopes that I would get as many people as possible to visit back and comment on my own posts. Selfish.

But it worked.

I probably got 30+ comment a day from my 200 followers. Guess what? They didn't read my posts just as I didn't theres. And so it became some sort of bouncing game.

It was exhausting, time consuming, and eating away at me. I felt as though I was staying up late to meet these personal deadlines that I set for myself and expectations that I set way too high. Expectations that were no longer realistic to my present life.

You want to know something? When I first started blogging, I used to write down the new blogs that I started following and commenting on, and if I never heard back from them, I made sure to unfriend them. I could not get it past my head why they would not want to communicate back with me and take the time to get to know me. If I took time out of my day, why shouldn't they. That was my thought process.

I quickly {not so quickly, took me a while actually} learned that there are more important things in life than visiting blogs simply to visit them, commenting simply to get comments back, and expecting things out of others that I had no place nor reason to.

And so, within the past couple of years my blog has changed. I continue to write. I continue to make mistakes. There are fluff posts here and there, sponsored posts, giveaways and other things that I know people may not enjoy. But through it all, I try to remember to do it for me.  All of me.

Where is this all coming from? Because a post that accidentally went live last week {and will go live tomorrow} left a bitter taste in a reader's mouth. When I said that I rarely {if ever} read blogs anymore, she stated that she would now think twice to visiting my blog when a new post shows up on her reader. She was hurt and I could hear her anger in between the words written, and although they could have been said in a nicer way, a part of me understood. A part of me reminded myself that that was me just a few years ago. Expecting things out of others without fully understanding their story, their life, and the way that they spread out their time throughout the day.

But I owe it to you. You, the reader, to explain myself. To tell you that it isn't because I don't want to read, it's just because there are more important things in my life. Yes, more important than reading other blogs and commenting and being a social butterfly. Does that hurt when I put it that way? I bet it does. But you have to remember that as there are more important things in my life, there are certainly more important things in your life. Do I ever want you to take time away from your family to come read my blog? Absolutely not. If at the end of the night you happen to have 10 minutes out of the day, and my blog happens to be one that you visit? I'm honored and grateful. If it's not? I understand. If you leave a comment on a post that I wrote? I thank you, even though I know I don't say it enough. And if you don't? I understand. 

And although a part of me wants to sit here and explain everything that I do from day to night, I know that it shouldn't come down to that. I should never have to explain to anyone, as long as I was confident in this space and my writing. And I know that I am.

I will never apologize for speaking the truth. Although I love blogging for everything that it has done for me and the outlet that it has provided to me in my life, I surely don't love it more than my family. So I made cutbacks a long time ago. I still write. I post pictures on instagram here and there. I reply to messages when I can. And I'll socialize via the media when time allows it. Very rarely.  Silently, I read a few blogs here and there {ones that I know their url by heart}, but I don't expect anything out of any of those people that I do.

Because you see, I'll keep blogging whether there are 1,000 people reading,100, 10, or 1. I will keep blogging because it's something that I love to do and something that I cherish. It's one of the only things in my life that I selfishly do for me.

It's my heart, my thoughts, my beliefs, passions, and dreams on a computer screen. Time these days only allows me to put into blogging the exact reason why I started this space in the first place. To write.
If it allowed me to do more? I would. If it allowed me to comment more, reply more, and visit more? I would.

But today, my time only allows me to write. And I'm grateful I'm even able to do that.

I read what I love, and I love what I read. I write what is on my heart, and my heart is in what I write. Devote time into what matters, and never do something only to expect something else out of others.

It's taken me a long time to learn from my own mistakes, but I have. And because of it, I've never loved blogging as much as I do today.

Because I do it for me.


  1. Love this! I am a follower of many, many blogs but I don't read every post of theirs b/c I don't have the time. I work a FT job, have a family to take care of, have my quiet-time w/ God write 3 post a week...I read when I can, comment when something stirs me and expect nothing in return. I wouldn't want someone to read and comment on my post just to meet a quota. Thanks for sharing and being honest...it's amazing the difference it makes when we blog for ourselves.

  2. love love love!!! Recently I have cut down my reading list because I don't have time to keep up with every single one of them. While I loved to follow blogs, you cant let it consume you! Some people are able to sit and read blogs all day/night and good for them!!! Some of us want to enjoy life and our family.

    In my opinion if you are blogging for others good for you but not everyone does it to be popular, make tons of friends, get tons of visitors. We do it to keep up w. out of town family, and as you said for ourselves. I want people to read my blog because we have similar interests or share same ideas not to get my numbers up.

    Thank you for always being so honest in your posts! I will continue to be a reader for as long as you keep writing xoxo

  3. I couldn't have said it better myself! In the beginning of blogging it's all "OMG I want 100 followers" then 1000 then 2000 and so on. You just want to be as big as "that girl" and then you get there and it's all, "well now what?". There's always something going on in blogging. Something to read, something to write but when the time allows. I used to HATE when I'd comment and comment on any specific blog and never hear a peep from the author, drove me batty, but now I get it. It's consuming when you get 20+ comments a day, heck 10 comments a day and you want to reach out to each and every person who took the time to say something to YOU. But doing so means taking time away from something else and that should never be family. It's a balancing act for sure. I'm just starting to learn that things can wait and to blog when I have time and if I don't, it's OK too.

  4. This is just too great. Such a reminder that it should always be about making yourself happy. If you have the time to blog every day, woohoo but if not, oh well. I loved what you said about validation from perfect strangers. Such a great reminder on this Tuesday morning.

  5. This is so true. It is so easy to get caught up in the numbers instead of caring about the people who matter and the content youre putting out.

  6. I'm glad you wrote this. Back when I was prego with #1 and got laid off my job I had all the time in the world to blog, search and read blogs, and comment comment comment, but after I got sick when Emmy was born, my priorities completely changed. I got discouraged that I couldn't "keep up with the mommy bloggers" and felt like I was missing out on something (because my followers stopped rising since I took a break and no longer commented to get a comment back--just like you), but I realized that it just wasn't important anymore. I rarely get on Blogger anymore, but click on links to blogs through their Facebook fan site (like yours) if the mood strikes me, or I get some down-time. I rarely ever comment anymore (although I'd like to), unless something really stirs me... or again, I have the time. I'm interested to read your post tomorrow! Question for you (if you have time to answer, of course!) Do you ever have family members that do not support your blog? Or a specific blog post? I recently found out some family members were talking about a recent post of mine behind my back and it really hurt! If you've experienced this, how did you deal with it. Thanks, Becky!

  7. Any other, with any sense, would agree with you 100percent!! Great point!

  8. I really love this. It puts it into perspective for people. I am with you, though I enjoy meeting new people through link parties, especially other mamas, I feel like there is a giant stigma that if you're going to have a blog it has to be a job & that its 'rude' to your readers not to post every single day and that you have to respond to every single comment and read every blog of every person who has ever meandered onto your blog and that's completely unrealistic. There are going to people who stumble upon your blog and comment because they want you to be their 'veiwer'. Not because they feel like they have a connection with you and that's silly. I realized a while ago I was following a lot of people on bloglovin' because they were following me even if I wasn't interested in the content of their blog & then I was making myself feel obligated to read all of their blogs while I was nursing my little or while I had a free minute and I wasn't enjoying blogging. It felt forced and that isn't what it's about!

    Sorry this is a mess of ideas thrown into one comment but my point is that I get where you're coming from and that anyone who really appreciates your blog shouldn't pass judgement on your for doing what you can and focusing majority of your time on life and your family. Because in the end even though this blog is kind of like a giant diary to look back on, if you don't ever leave the computer how do you make the memories to include in it?

    I sincerely hope you're having a wonderful week.


  9. I only have one follower on mine. I wish it was bigger but I enjoy writing either way even if people don't read it, it helps me liberate my mind. It's like my lil diary lol. Great post!!!

  10. This is exactly how I feel. I love to blog, but I just don't have the time to read as much anymore. I try to make my rounds, but it's starting to be a monthly thing instead of weekly. Who am I kidding? There are actually a bunch in my reader that I haven't even visited since my son was born 2 1/2 months ago. Holding my baby is more important right now!

  11. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Right now, as someone new to blogging regularly, I'm in that "social butterfly" stage you mention. I'm commenting a lot, reading a lot, sharing a lot on social media, and it's fun. I'm trying a lot of things--FB groups and blog hops--to see how they feel. But I would never expect someone to follow me just because I followed them. I would never expect someone to read my blog just because I read theirs. I'm absolutely flattered and thrilled when someone does read and follow, but I never feel entitled to that. Thanks again for your honesty.

  12. This is great. And here I was, feeling bad about not reading blogs for a few days because we were busy moving, and then not commenting much on the ones I've been reading lately! And then I was following blogs that I felt I SHOULD follow, but I really don't care what they have to say...

  13. I follow 900+ blogs, but there is NO way that I can read all of them. I have my absolute faves out of those. I have folders in my bloglovin, so I can read my faves and faves #2 first, if that is all I have time for.

    I admit even after years and years of blogging, I still love comments and receiving validation. However, I know that me as a person shouldn't necessarily find or need validation from others. It's just nice. It seems that even blogs with 1000s of followers don't receive many comments. Some do and some don't. I was always jealous of the "small" blogs that receive 20 comments on each post, when I had 5x more followers. I go in spurts of commenting. Sometimes I comment a lot and sometimes I don't.

    You are right though... I'm going to keep blogging no matter how many followers, how many unfollow, or if everyone stopped blogging altogether. My main purpose was to document my life, thoughts, and feelings. After doing so, I found out that you could build relationships with others. That to me is a bonus. I'm blogging for me, and not trying to be the next it blogger that lands a book deal.

  14. I love this. I had stopped reading your blog because I felt like it was forced and that you weren't writing it for you. It wasn't what had brought me here initially when you were smaller. I always loved your blog though, so today I decided to check in with you to see how things had been going. I am pleasantly surprised to find this post. Good luck to getting back to you, and I will be reading!

  15. I hear what your saying. But I have to tell you... your blog sure was prettier and more fun to read before it was covered with all of these ads and giveaways. But I get it, make your money girl! ;)


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