Blog for YOU.

I try to be pretty honest on this space. I try to be as open as possible, without over-sharing. I know I have. Over-shared. I know that there have been moments, posts, where I was too honest. The great thing about this space is that there are no rules, no limits, and it's a place to just be you. That's what I have always tried to be. Me. And throughout the years, that "me" has changed. Does that mean that I wasn't honest back then? No. Does it mean that I'm not honest now? No. It just means that I've slowly changed throughout the years, and I think that it's expected, good, and a great opportunity for reflection.

Reflect on who I don't want to be, how I don't want to write, and what I don't want this space to turn into.

And something that I learned early on once becoming a mother is that I no longer wanted this space to consume me. I no longer wanted to depend, nor need, the validation from complete strangers. I did not want to feel as though I was writing for others and I did not want to feel as though there was pressure to be someone I am not.

The thing is, I used to devote so much time to trying to grow this space of mine. Trying to join in on every linky party, commenting on 50+ blogs a day, and making sure that I was being active on all forms of social media including facebook, twitter, and instagram. Don't even get me started on pinterest. My goal was not to read posts that I loved, but rather try to read as many as I could, comment generic comments as much as I could, in hopes that I would get as many people as possible to visit back and comment on my own posts. Selfish.

But it worked.

I probably got 30+ comment a day from my 200 followers. Guess what? They didn't read my posts just as I didn't theres. And so it became some sort of bouncing game.

It was exhausting, time consuming, and eating away at me. I felt as though I was staying up late to meet these personal deadlines that I set for myself and expectations that I set way too high. Expectations that were no longer realistic to my present life.

You want to know something? When I first started blogging, I used to write down the new blogs that I started following and commenting on, and if I never heard back from them, I made sure to unfriend them. I could not get it past my head why they would not want to communicate back with me and take the time to get to know me. If I took time out of my day, why shouldn't they. That was my thought process.

I quickly {not so quickly, took me a while actually} learned that there are more important things in life than visiting blogs simply to visit them, commenting simply to get comments back, and expecting things out of others that I had no place nor reason to.

And so, within the past couple of years my blog has changed. I continue to write. I continue to make mistakes. There are fluff posts here and there, sponsored posts, giveaways and other things that I know people may not enjoy. But through it all, I try to remember to do it for me.  All of me.

Where is this all coming from? Because a post that accidentally went live last week {and will go live tomorrow} left a bitter taste in a reader's mouth. When I said that I rarely {if ever} read blogs anymore, she stated that she would now think twice to visiting my blog when a new post shows up on her reader. She was hurt and I could hear her anger in between the words written, and although they could have been said in a nicer way, a part of me understood. A part of me reminded myself that that was me just a few years ago. Expecting things out of others without fully understanding their story, their life, and the way that they spread out their time throughout the day.

But I owe it to you. You, the reader, to explain myself. To tell you that it isn't because I don't want to read, it's just because there are more important things in my life. Yes, more important than reading other blogs and commenting and being a social butterfly. Does that hurt when I put it that way? I bet it does. But you have to remember that as there are more important things in my life, there are certainly more important things in your life. Do I ever want you to take time away from your family to come read my blog? Absolutely not. If at the end of the night you happen to have 10 minutes out of the day, and my blog happens to be one that you visit? I'm honored and grateful. If it's not? I understand. If you leave a comment on a post that I wrote? I thank you, even though I know I don't say it enough. And if you don't? I understand. 

And although a part of me wants to sit here and explain everything that I do from day to night, I know that it shouldn't come down to that. I should never have to explain to anyone, as long as I was confident in this space and my writing. And I know that I am.

I will never apologize for speaking the truth. Although I love blogging for everything that it has done for me and the outlet that it has provided to me in my life, I surely don't love it more than my family. So I made cutbacks a long time ago. I still write. I post pictures on instagram here and there. I reply to messages when I can. And I'll socialize via the media when time allows it. Very rarely.  Silently, I read a few blogs here and there {ones that I know their url by heart}, but I don't expect anything out of any of those people that I do.

Because you see, I'll keep blogging whether there are 1,000 people reading,100, 10, or 1. I will keep blogging because it's something that I love to do and something that I cherish. It's one of the only things in my life that I selfishly do for me.

It's my heart, my thoughts, my beliefs, passions, and dreams on a computer screen. Time these days only allows me to put into blogging the exact reason why I started this space in the first place. To write.
If it allowed me to do more? I would. If it allowed me to comment more, reply more, and visit more? I would.

But today, my time only allows me to write. And I'm grateful I'm even able to do that.

I read what I love, and I love what I read. I write what is on my heart, and my heart is in what I write. Devote time into what matters, and never do something only to expect something else out of others.

It's taken me a long time to learn from my own mistakes, but I have. And because of it, I've never loved blogging as much as I do today.

Because I do it for me.