Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Baby number 3? Maybe. Maybe not.


It was a typical day. Nothing out of the ordinary, just another Wednesday evening at the S home. Husband came home, we had a nice family dinner together {including the usual Elliana trying to tell us how much she doesn't like what she is eating..."I no like chicken, I no like zucchini, I no like rice."} Okay then. You get the point, typical evening.

We finished dinner, Andrew wrapped up in the kitchen, and I took the children upstairs to get them ready for their bath. Water on. Clothes off, and in the tub we went. All three of us.

A few minutes into our bath, Andrew walks in, and out of nowhere, he says to me... 
"I think I understand when people say that it's easy to go from 2 to 3."
 I kind of sat there for a moment, brief moment, thinking about what he said, responded to what he said {something around of the lines of, yes remember how I said... blah blah blah} and before you know it I was busy scrubbing away the backs of little baby booties, tops of their tangled hair, and in between those squishy little toes {okay lie, I didn't really wash in between their toes... should I? Do you? ha} to even have a second to reflect.

But then after the fact, after the bed time routine is over, after we spent the next hour reading books, rocking the little one to sleep, and nuzzling next to our baby girl, I started to think about that very statement made by Andrew. The statement that made me go...

It just happened.

It. The whole... we brought up the possibility of number 3. Without doing so. In a non-chalant-we-really-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-but-we-just-did. That kind of way.

Except we didn't really talk about it. We just said it. Like we were both thinking the same thing, on the same page, and that was that. But should it be that simple? Was it that simple when we talked about Graham {the idea of him}. Didn't we talk about it for months. Weren't we going back and forth.

That was 3 months ago.

That conversation, as well as the start of that post. And today, today I am in a different place when it comes to deciding when/if we are ready to expand our family. I never thought that I would even be saying this, in fact, I keep deleting and restarting when it comes to this because I'm just not quite sure how to say it. But. But.

We are in a state of Chaos.

Having two kids is no joke, and I imagine having 3+ would be also. The thing is, I know that the chaos will slow down and eventually {not sure when} we will settle into a much easier {not to mention quieter and cleaner} routine, and things will just be calmer. And that? That sounds kind of nice. Knowing that eventually Graham will be closer to Elliana's age, which means I will have two potty trained, independent playing children---sounds nice. Knowing that bed time routine will be easier, meal time will be easier, getting the kids out of cars will be easier--all sounds nice. Easy does sound nice.

But the thing about it is--I love chaos. I love the crazy state of life that we currently are in. I love how loud my house is at times. I love growing our family and watching how different, yet unique and special each of my children are. I love all the activities and fun that we get to have as a family. I love it all.

My question lately has been... do I want to start the timer back at 0. Back at the start line. Back to the original chaos that started it all. At the same time, if I don't start the timer back now, will I ever want to? When things do settle down... will I want to mess with the chaos then? So why not add to the chaos.

Here is the thing...I've never been as tired as I am these days. It's 830 at night when I'm typing this and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I barely have time to really write from the heart like I used to, because I much prefer hanging out/cuddling with my husband during the little time that I am awake. I still wake up in the middle of the night for one or both of my children. I body aches at times. And if I'm completely honest here, sometimes I feel like a crippled old lady.

Staying home with two children and then going to work a 13 hour shift at the hospital is no joke either. My body has taken a beating because of my crazy schedule, and I know that if/when we bring another child into our lives that I will have to consider the option of decreasing my hours. I'd have to.

And lastly, what always weighs heavy on my heart is that we have two healthy happy children. Two children that we are so thankful to have in our lives, and we are so blessed for this life that we have been given. There certainly is not a day that goes by that we don't realize that, and there won't be a day that goes by that we aren't thankful for them. Having another child always adds that risk for something going wrong, and that is one of my biggest fears. It's always been a fear of mine. More so now that I have these beautiful souls in my life.

I know that this has all been sort of a jumbled mess of a post.. and that's okay. Because this is the way that our minds have been lately regarding future children. A jumbled mess. Or at least mine that is. I think Andrew is ready. I am too... kind of. But it's 830 and it's past my bedtime and I'm afraid I wrote this post with squinty eyes and a boggled brain.


Baby number 3?

I just don't know. Not today. Ask me tomorrow.


  1. Hi Becky! I've read your blog since you were about 20 weeks pregnant with g. I have a 2 yr 9month old and an 8 month old, girl and boy, and I as I read your post tonight, I was like "yes, yes, yes"!! I go through this exact same jumbled thought process every.single.day! So, will we have a third?! Not today...ask me tomorrow! ;)

  2. HI there! I am a new follower of yours, have not back read all your posts though, only a few at the moment... now I'm reading your latest post, all I have to say is yes do it. I should be telling this to myself, I know. I've learned my lesson now, and I'm learning it the hard way... and I am regretting why we waited tooooo long, way to long... now we're trying but to no good. It's just frustrating and sad and I'm not getting any younger.

  3. Can I just copy/paste this post on my blog? Ha, this is EXACTLY how I feel about number 3. The chaos will surely become a bit calmer soon, no diapers, more lazy cuddles do I really want to start over again? Yes. I do, but when???? I think for me it's just something we have to do and not think about too much, that sounds wrong when planning a child but if I really think too much it won't happen.

    And the healthy kid thing too. Surely I can't be fortunate enough to have a 3rd perfectly healthy baby. That's a scary thought too.

  4. Oh I totally relate. Two is hard. Two toddlers is amazingly hard! I feel like every day I'm in chaos and survival mode. I don't work on top of it but the husband is always gone and I can totally feel ya on the body taking a beating. I have all these aches and pains and am constantly tired and I know it's from lack of sleep, stress and all that fun stuff. As fun as my kids are and I wouldn't change my life for the world I don't know if I do want to start all over again. Plus my two are pretty amazing. I'm afraid number 3 would always be compared to the older two!

  5. I love this SO much. You are so brave to write about the honest struggles of being a mother with a crazy work schedule, and whether or not you KNOW if you're ready for another. I love your honesty. You're the best momma to those children though and baby #3 would be so lucky to have a family as loving as yours!

  6. We have always said 2 is our number. Now that we have one, and she's nearing two and calming down a little, we entertain the idea of expanding that number... and we just have one at this time! I have to say, I grew up with four of us in the house, and it was great!

  7. I loved this! When we started talking about having our third baby I felt the same way. I wanted to wait till the two girls were a bit older and both were potty trained and so forth. I felt like life with 2 was like you said a little chaotic at times. Out of nowhere I felt pregnant and we weren't trying and had a "plan" or so we thought. Our third baby came a couple years earlier than planned. But I wouldn't have changed it. Honestly, Going from 2-3 is not much of a difference. :) Now I can say I understand completely how you feel right now. We have been having many sit down talks about a 4th. People call of crazy but we have THREE GIRLS and we want a BOY.... :) But I am just not sure.


  8. I feel EXACTLY the same! Right now I am leaning towards only having two… but my second is only 6 weeks old and I know I may feel differently in a few months. But the whole 'starting back to zero' sounds very unappealing to my sleep-deprived self!

  9. I think maybe I needed this post, we go back and forth about baby number two all of the time. It makes me worry cause we go back and forth doesn't mean we shouldn't have baby #2? I'm still debating it ugh when will we just know I want that aha moment! Should we wash between their toes? I don't believe I do, I wonder if I should start...

  10. I 100% am with you on this post! Our twins are going to be 2 in a few weeks and we have started the talk about adding a 3rd....we've always said we wanted 3-4 kids but after getting hit with a double whammy when going for baby #1 we've been saying 3 and done. I'm thinking go ahead and start trying so that we don't get too far out of "baby" stage and re think the whole thing but the Hubby wants to wait a little bit....I just feel like the more time in between the harder it will be to go back. Plus starting to get major baby fever! :) I think 3's a good number!

  11. My husband and I talked for a long time about when we would have our first baby...so now that she is almost here we feel so prepared and as if it the most perfect time in our life for her to come. We joke that we want to have back to back babies now, but truth is we won't know if we can do it until we are really settled in with her. It's good that you didn't "jump into the idea of 3" and that its been 3 months since it was first brought up.

  12. If you even slightly think about having number 3, then you should. You will never look back and wish you didn't have that 3rd kid. You could possibly look back and wish that you would have had #3. Make sense? I have 3 and yes it is cray most of the time but I wouldn't change a thing. The minute he was born, I knew my little family was complete!!!!

  13. 8.1.13 i was in labor for my first time! hahaha.
    you surely won't regret 3 when you are ready. i don't think so.
    if anyone can do it, its you becky!

  14. I get it. I wrote a post similar to this when my second son was 15 months old. Then in early May we decided not to have a third child. My husband and I were discussing his vasectomy appointment! A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant!!! So here we are - expecting baby #3 in January. It was unexpected but I just cannot imagine not having a third baby now. Yes, I'm terrified that something will go wrong and our whole dynamic will be thrown off. But mostly I'm just excited and trusting God that He put this blessing in our lives for a BIG reason :)

  15. I could literally copy and paste this post. I change my mind daily for these exact reasons!

  16. I say go for it, mama! You will never regret having another child. You might regret NOT having another child. And even if your child isn't 100% healthy, you will still love him/her with all your heart. Trust me. I learned this lesson with #4. He is simply amazing and perfect just the way he was created. I can't imagine not having him in my life!


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