Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My First Night Back To Work

3/11/13 1:00 pm

My mother-in-law just arrived. Elliana was standing, waiting, with her face planted on the glass, and the biggest smile drawn across her face as she watched her grandma step out of the car.

They are sitting on the couch now cuddling, watching a movie. My baby girl is so happy. And in return, this makes me happy. I know my mother-in-law is happy as well.  Beyond happy. She misses her grandbabies. I don't blame her. So it is nice to see the two of them. Completely.... happy. I like that word. Happy. And this? Right now? It reminds me how lucky I am that my babies have such loving grandparents. Something I missed out on in life.

Graham is sleeping, while I listen to sweet noises laying next to me. I peek over at him from time to time and wonder how we ever got so lucky. How this child is ours. Our son.

I threw a load of laundry into the washer. Little baby clothes. Just reminding me how soon these too will be packaged away. Why are baby socks so little? Clothes with snaps, and zippers. Only reminding you of soft skin and squishy cheeks. These clothes. 

I know I am getting off track here. I'm supposed to be talking about my first day back to work. Or, correct me, my first night.

That was last night by the way. And knowing how many posts are ahead of this one, I imagine it will probably be near April by the time this one shows its face on the blog. Sometimes I hate that about writing ahead. I feel as though the moment is lost. But. This is not what this is about, now is it.

Again, off topic.

I like to get off topic sometimes. I feel like that is okay when you have a blog. When you're not a real "writer". And by you, I mean me. When there isn't a book to publish, a column with a due date. Just write. Even if the first 20 sentences consisted of nothing but laundry, little itty bitty clothes, and snuggles on the couch with grandparents. Those are the little memories I want to close my eyes and remember.

Sometimes I want to just freeze time. Someone take a picture of the scene. From above me. Open the roof and just freeze my life. And give it to me in. In a book. In a video. Just give me these memories that I can look back on.

I think that is why I sometimes like to write about the little things that people would find boring to read. Because maybe, just maybe, hopefully, by reading these words down the road... I'll be able to close my eyes and see it now. Me. Sitting on the bed, with my newborn next to me, my daughter downstairs with her grandma, and nothing but silence heard. Except for my fingers running across the keyboard. Which reminds me, my college roommate hated the sound of my typing. Peculiar.

To me, it's a beautiful silence.

And you thought you were going to read about my first night back at work? Well, I can recap that in one sentence.It went great. I missed some good people. I got back into the routine as though I had never left. In fact, I worked on the same team that I had worked the morning I headed to the hospital to deliver Graham.
So, naturally, it brought amazing memories back to me. Special memories.

And now I realize why I cannot sleep. Why this day has been so sentimental to me. It is another chapter in our lives. No longer are we on this "mini-vacation." We are finally getting into a routine, figuring out what works and what doesn't, and actually really making this family of four business work. Like, really work. For now, today, we are working this thing out.

But it all started... on Christmas night, ICU Team 6, roughly 5 in the morning. My work will always be a special memory to me. As both of my babies were born at this hospital. Well, across the street. I went into labor here {sorta}. The last time I worked, I was pregnant. The next time I came back, I was not. Funny how that works. Actually, not funny... people call that...maternity leave.

My first night back.......It was good.
But coming home?
Was even better.

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