Sunday, March 10, 2013

There won't be tears today.


Almost two years ago, I sat at this same computer and while tears ran down my face, I opened up about my fears of going back to work. Leaving my newborn baby at home. Missing out on crucial milestones. The feeling of abandoning her. No matter what anyone said, no matter how much they comforted me, none of it mattered.

I was ill over it. And tears? There were many.

I knew that when my husband finished graduate school just a few short months later that I would have to face the fact that our next option was daycare.

Although I completely understand daycare is an option many moms have no choice over, and often times it is what is best for everyone...In our case though, for our family, it was not something we wanted to consider. I grew up as a young woman that felt this strong urge to become a mother one day. Knowing that I was meant for this, that this would be my number one responsibility, and that I certainly wanted to do all that I can to not miss a single moment possible.

My babies are only young once. They grow up too fast. And time is definitely not on our hands.

I remember that day like it was just yesterday. Walking into the director's office and requesting to switch to night shift at the hospital. The deep breath I took as I walked out the door. The smile across my face as I texted my husband... "It's official."

And just like that day two years ago, I still beam with excitement and gratitude that I have a job that allows me the opportunity to not miss a single moment, a single laugh, their growth and development, the milestones down the road, and the memories that we create within our home.
I.Have.That.Opportunity.

There won't be tears today. There won't be fear. There won't be any regrets. There will be lack of sleep {yes}. Changes in schedule? Yes. Adjustments to be made? Absolutely. But, I am actually, kind of, sort of, really excited to see some lovely faces that I have missed.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow we will run on little sleep, but *hopefully lots of love, patience, listening, and fun. I am hopeful we will adjust well as we did when Elliana was a baby.

And  one day, my precious children will understand what mama did for them. And when they ask me why? I'll simply smile and say... because of you. 
So tears? There won't be any today.
Today, I am thankful to have this job and the ability to still fulfill my motherhood dreams.

23 comments:

  1. Good luck tomorrow! Monday night I switch to nights...I've been on evenings for 9 months and I don't like it at all. I feel like I never see my family. So, 3 12's it is...here's to hoping I can stay up all night!!!!

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  2. So precious! Good for you for making the sacrifices you are to be there for them. My mom did the same and I will forever be grateful (:

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  3. Good luck tomorrow! I'll say a prayer for you that everything goes smoothly and you guys transition just as easily as you did before! :)
    By they way- that pic of them where E is covering her face is presh!!!

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  4. Loved this! You are an amazing mother! Good luck tomorrow!

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  5. So wonderful you have this opportunity!

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  6. I still can't believe you do that! I'm glad it works out for you. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm a teacher and get Summers off I would quit in a heartbeat to be home.

    I've actually thought about going back to school for my nursing degree so I can have some more flexibility...and make more money...he he.

    Good luck and hopefully they will nap at the same time tomorrow! Have fun!

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  7. I think it's great you are able to work AND still be home during the day, best of both worlds though I don't know how you do it sleep wise! :) Unfortunately my staying home isn't an option financially but fortunately my son loves daycare and they love him so that makes it a little easier.

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  8. I am jealous!! I wishh I had a job that I could work overnights. Thankfully though hubby and I will only need day care for 9 hours a week!! Otherwise it can be split up between me watching them and him watching!!

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  9. Good luck! I don't know how you do it, your body must require very little sleep!

    Way to go, super mom!

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  10. Love it! I thank God every day I get to stay home with my little man!

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  11. Love it! I thank God every day I get to stay home with my little man!

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  12. Good Luck today! I tried working night shift and I just couldn't do it and still function during the day, so I definitely applaud you for making it work!

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  13. You may not have any tears, but this post just made me tear up. ;) You are an amazing momma and an inspiration to so many. Thank you for your honest posts I know I will be a better mom for reading them.
    Clara

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  14. i honestly don't know how you do that...its so impressive to me. You just never ever sleep?

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  15. Hope the adjustment goes well! :)

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  16. Best of luck Becky! You sound like such a good mummy! I'd love to read a weekly schedule of how you make this all work. I am studying to be a nurse/midwife full time right now and have two precious ones who are 4 and 2 :)

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  17. Love this, I too am a night shift ICU RN! I'm a soon to be mom and love hearing night shift success stories. I'm a little worried about missing out on some sleep though!

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  18. Love this post. I have one son and another on the way. I work 4 days a week, but I would love to get it down to 2-3 days. But I love my work so I am okay not being home with my kid(s) all the time. Not sure if baby #2 will change my feelings on that!

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  19. Your so lucky! You are the person who actually made me regret leaving the medical field, the hospital, the 2nd shift. Of course I can always get recertified and go back but I'm not sure how or if i really can!

    Good luck on your first day back!

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  20. I love this! You have such an awesome position to provide and be there. Love your heart momma!!

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  21. I LOVE being in the nursing field. It makes it possible to be there for your babies, even though there isn't much sleep! Good luck to you getting back into the swing of things!

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